She was with you when you were born.
Coaxing you gently from the Light through the portal of
Great Mother, whispering breathe
as you exited the tunnel and opened your human eyes
for the very first time. She rejoiced when you uttered
your first cries from the darkness.
This is a different kind of light.
She was with you throwing the things you disdained
to the ground, the first time you discovered hands or felt betrayed
by your mother, your best friend, your first love,
or the daylight for not lasting as long as you wanted.
She was with you every night, painting dreams behind your tired eyes,
holding you when you were scared. Protecting you from the monsters,
granting you wings to fly over glistening, slumbering cities as you marveled
at how easy it is for your heart to glide.
The first time you learned
the power of believing.
She was with you, nudging you gently in the direction of what you most
love, showing you how certain alignment can feel, as you spent hours laughing,
dancing, rollerskating, drawing, reading, collecting shells or gluing tiny pieces
of model planes together.
She was with you when you proclaimed what you were here to be,
at that birthday party, when some adult asked every kid at the table,
one by one.
You said you wanted to be
and everyone laughed.
That was the first time you ever felt doubt.
She was with you, even then.
The first time you believed you and your instincts
were broken, something wrong with you,
needs to be fixed.
The first time you learned that shining can be unsafe,
that you might be too much or
She was with you when someone taught you not to trust
the magnetic pull of what you love. Suspect the things towards which
Desire gently draws you.
The first time you learned that love must be earned
by pleasing another and forgot
that love is what you came from,
what you are.
And that which you Are
can never be taken away or given.
She was with you every time you suppressed her,
told her to be quiet,
chose the things that gained you more outside approval.
Taught her that you don’t trust her. Her clarity is too frightening or
she is too dangerous to listen to.
She was with you as you learned not to rock
the boat, make waves or ripples. The first time you accepted
less for yourself in that job, relationship or home.
And over the years, as you pushed her further,
she learned to curl up in the smallest corner of your heart.
She learned to dim her light to a tiny ember.
And she fell into a deep sleep,
And you began to need things outside of you to guide you.
For how could you trust the guidance of your
unworthy vessel? How could you trust Her guidance,
when you could no longer hear? You made your books,
your boss, your friends, your partner,
others’ dogmas of brokenness
You learned mantras to fear your own power,
wore out prayer beads with hymns of self-hindrance,
sung novenas of diminishing
Until one day you woke up to find you had lost yourself.
The life you had built was glaring sharply back at you,
the hazy colored lenses had been pulled back
and you could no longer ignore that this
was not the life you had dreamed of.
The words in that bible of brokenness now felt hollow and
alien. You did not know who you were anymore.
What you had originally loved. You felt confused about your
purpose. You had forgotten your gifts.
Out to sea with no anchor,
a terrified kind of floating.
But She was still there,
Quietly waiting for you to reach into the caverns of your being
and take the outstretched hand she had never withdrawn.
A tiny, glowing cinder of Truth, waiting to be brought back to life.
And She is here now.
In the moment of your darkest confusion, she whispers…
Will you finally venture forth into the wilderness of your being?
Will you take the forgotten, unknown roads that most fear to travel
to reclaim the sacredness of your singular purpose?
Are you willing to drop all the excuses the world taught you for why
you cannot trust your heart…Why you must put off your Desire…
Why it is dangerous to take a leap with this strange pull as your
only evidence, your only “proof”?
Are you willing to brave a choir of unbelievers as you take
each brave step towards living the life
you came through the portal to live?
Are you willing to face the monsters of your mind, the litany of
excuses for why now is not the right time?
Are you willing to overturn the layers and layers of illusion
that is your perceived shattered-ness?
Are you willing to finally be nothing but truthful with yourself…
Face all of the ways in which you have been bullshitting yourself…
Look in the mirror and see the damage you have done by choosing
your ego over your soul, believing voices
that were never your own.
There will come a day when you can no longer ignore Her.
When the pain of comfort will be too great.
When the tiny strings of misalignment will become
a resounding symphony of unbearable cacophony.
You will come to this fork in the road and you will know
it is time to choose.
Forego comfort for a fully lived life.
Or forego Life for comfort.
I hope that on that day you will rise to meet Her.
I hope that you will light a match to Her ember.
I hope that you will unleash Her guidance upon every
sacred corner of this one, beloved life you’ve been given.
I hope that you will honor all of creation by honoring Her inside of you.
I hope that you will never again let ego be the ruler of your soul.
On that day I hope that you will leap into the the Tunnel of the Unknown
and surrender to her divine guidance, even when your mind thinks you’ve
truly lost it. I hope you will continue to take the scary leaps she asks you
to take. The ones you’ve known for so long are ripe to be taken.
For that will be the day you will re-enter the portal of the Great Mother,
the way you did many years ago, when you first breathed your way into
this life of light. That will be the day that all of life re-awakens inside you.
That will be the day when you will join the Love that you are, always were
and always will be. That will be the day that you remember
that the greatest act is to return ourselves and others to Love
through the gift of our unique, unhindered & true
will be the day when you will be