I’ve been conducting an interesting experiment lately. I call it “open-hearted directness.” It looks like saying “no” or setting a boundary firmly, while my heart is wide open, without offering any excuses, or explanations for the no. Most of the time, when we say “no” to something or we set a boundary, we feel the need to explain. But recently, I’ve realized that, most of the time, I’m only explaining my no in order to manage the other person’s emotions, or to make sure they don’t get upset about my no. That’s a lot of energy managing other adults’ emotions, who, by virtue of being adults, are perfectly capable of managing their own emotions; and a lot of energy being overly responsible for other people’s reactions to my boundaries. This is not to say we shouldn’t be considerate of other people’s emotions and be tactful. However, most of the time a healthy person will totally respect and be cool with your no. They will manage whatever emotions they have about your “no” responsibly, and with love.
I have so much more to share about this experiment! (I will be writing a longer post on this soon.) One thing I’ve learned is that I am awakening, deepening into, and strengthening my relationship with not only setting boundaries, but also how I manage my energy.
Coincidentally, ever since I’ve been less apologetic about being my imperfect self on my blog and on social media, and ever since I’ve been saying a very direct, yet open-hearted “no,” I’ve found a ton of people pushing back. Lots of trolls showing up. Having to block a lot of people on Facebook who couldn’t communicate without being hateful and dehumanizing to myself or others who were participating in the conversations online. People who gave unsolicited criticism.
I find this incredibly affirming of something I believe — which is that when we set an intention to learn something, the Universe provides us plenty of opportunities to deepen into that learning.
Here are some of the things I’ve learned and written about in the past week. They are very short snippets of thoughts on everything from dealing with internet trolls to reminding you why your voice matters, to showing you pictures of the gorgeous, custom-branded welcome box for the women who joined this year’s High Priestess Circle mastermind. You can read all of these in about 10 minutes.
Why I don’t engage with internet trolls
(Someone asked me why I don’t spend time trying to engage and “convert” my internet trolls. This was my response to that very good question.)
What I will not be & do this year
(Don’t have an intention, resolution, or word for the year yet? Read this.)
To the woman who said it’s impossible for a single woman to be successful in business
(If you have ever felt you can’t make it because you’re single, don’t have a second income from a partner or you are a single mom, you absolutely want to read the comments on this one! Inspiring and cuts through the BS.)
Your voice matters, even when you feel like no one is listening
(I wrote this after reading a Facebook post from a woman who was very disheartened, feeling like no one was listening to her or reading her heartfelt writing efforts week after week. I had that experience a few years ago and came to some interesting realizations. If you’ve ever felt unseen and unheard, you’ll want to read this short snippet from a longer blog post I wrote last year.)
The GORGEOUS welcome boxes for the High Priestess Circle mastermind (photos!)
(This was a labor of love! We created a custom branded welcome box for each woman in the 2017 HPC mastermind. I want this to be an example for you that you can create what you want!)
That’s this week’s roundup, love. I would really love to know, which one resonated with you the most? Can you let me know in the comments below? I always love to hear from you!