She just didn’t get it. She had followed exactly what her soul had told her to do. She had felt really good about her decision. She had leapt into the unknown and was proud of herself for doing so. She was seeing positive change unfolding before her very eyes. He could see the deep shifts within her and was so grateful for it.
So why, she asked me, was she feeling sad?
Was she being unappreciative? Had she made the wrong choice? Was something off?
I thought of her words this morning as I sat in my garden during a gorgeous Santa Barbara day. The perfect temperature, the perfect place that I manifested just a few months ago. Birds chirping. Everything going wonderfully in most important areas of my life. Feeling so grateful and happy.
And yet at the same time, the small pang of melancholy sung a sweet song of despair in my chest. I felt like a child that wanted to curl up on the couch and be lulled to sleep by the comforting arms of the trees all around me.
I’m used to this feeling by now.
I’ve come to understand that whenever we undergo true transformation, (which I like to call transmutation because transformation is a surface level change, while transmutation is a DNA level change), sadness is part and parcel of the transmutation process.
We’ve been sold a story that deep change is a euphoric climb to the top. When in fact it’s a paradox of climbing into the light and descending into the darkest corners of your soul where old wounds wait to be healed.
Whenever you shed old layers that are no longer serving you and make a change that reaches for your next level of greatness, you’re very often shedding old identities that were never truly in alignment with your soul in the first place. These were identities that you had to put on as masks in order to make sure you were loved and approved of while growing up. Masks that your ego created for you to help you survive your environments at the time.
Stepping into deeper alignment with your soul naturally causes the masks to fall off and your true self to emerge. The sadness comes in because you’re grieving the loss of your old self. Sure, it may not have been serving you, but it is still a little “death” that you’re dealing with.
Sadness can also spring forth when we used that now-dead identity to betray our soul, but fit in with others. You may feel years of melancholy spring up in your heart as you finally let yourself feel the pain of betraying your soul all those years.
I often feel sad when my inner child is moving out of old stories about how “big” she is allowed to be. Whenever I remove another limit on how powerful I am allowed to be or how bright I’m allowed to shine, my inner girl gets sad because she is anticipating she will lose the love of some people in her life, now that she is no longer staying small in those areas to please them.
The truth is, true transformation is not an easy blissful ascension into the heavens. It brings up all the shit that hasn’t yet been healed, loved up or acknowledged. And that is absolutely, one hundred percent okay. And NORMAL.
In fact, I would think it abnormal if some sadness did not come up along the path into true alignment and expansion into your wholeness.
So what do we do with this sweet spring of mournfulness babbles forth into our hearts?
Take a deep breath. Put your hand on your heart. Be the mother or father to yourself and tell yourself that it is okay. Talk to the child within that feels afraid she won’t be loved if she truly steps more into her power. Let her know she cannot lose love because love is what she is. Assure her that you love her, no matter what. Reach out to friends that will remind you they love you unconditionally and who celebrate your new realms of alignment. Be gentle with yourself, take long walks, move slower, take more breaks.
But above all, feel it.
This sadness is a sign that you were brave enough to move forth on your path of development. These feelings are a sign that you are stepping more deeply into your wholeness and that you are evolving. Feel those little shots of forlornness fully, then breathe them out like wisps of wistful vapors into the air for the earth to alchemize them. They are reminders that you are alive. And on the other side of sadness, lies the ecstasy that comes from coming back home to who you were always called here to be.
How about you? Do you ever feel sadness right after an aligned change? How do you deal with it?