Your boundaries are too rigid
Your boundaries inspire me, thank you!
Your voice is nasally.
Your voice is so soothing, I love listening to it.
I question your integrity.
Your integrity inspires me and I love how you walk your talk.
The fact that you charge the prices you do for the higher end programs you offer means you don’t care about actually helping people.
Wow — your pricing inspired me to ask for more for myself. I love how you give scholarships out and so much amazing free content every week!
Your emails are too long and I’m offended by their length.
I love your emails and love how they make me take time for myself to connect with my soul.
You are sending out too many emails.
Thank you for sending out such high value emails, I love them.
I haven’t worked with you yet but I think your work is a crock of sh$t.
I feel like this work has saved my life.
You’re a fat [email protected]
Thank you for being a model that shows me it’s ok to accept & love my body in all its iterations.
You’re a stupid white b$tch.
Thank you for representing for us POC and fellow latinos.
These are just a few of the polar opposite comments I have received over the years of running a business, speaking my truth, and putting the work I am called to do out there.
But in the last few weeks since the US election, the hateful, negative comments have intensified.
I find this incredibly interesting. A few days ago, I was talking to a mentor of mine, and relayed to her the increase in vicious, vindictive, and triggered messages we have been receiving over here since then (particularly around my last two blog posts about activation and the sister-wound). She said something that really resonated to me.
She said, “During unstable and chaotic times, there is a battle between dark and light.”
I thought about that for a while, then remembered a conversation I had with a friend years ago. I was telling him about one particularly vindictive person that we had to block from everything because she would not stop harassing us. He said to me, “Lisa, I’m not surprised. Bright lights attract moths.”
What this meant to me is that those who reject their shadow and are stuck in the darkness, unable to move out of their pain, will be drawn to the light; but will attack it, because it is too painful to let go of their pain and let the light in. Sometimes, when you are used to being in pain, you become attached to it and it can be painful to let love and light into your heart again.
To me, the election of a man who has made racist, homophobic, xenophobic and misogynistic remarks, and received the endorsement of the KKK, is like the ripping off of a mask for all of us. Removing that mask finally forces us to look in the mirror at all the things we have not wanted to admit about our world. We are being forced to see that these awful things still exist. That these injustices still happen every day. That there are still people in the world who think and act in ways which promote divisiveness, otherness, and the dehumanization of people they perceive as “different.”
We are being forced to look at how we create otherness and division inside of us. We are being asked to face the potential we all have — the potential racist, misogynist, and homophobe inside of each one of us. And oh, I know that triggered you reading that. Especially if you perceive yourself to be a person who believes in equality for all. It’s painful for me to even say that those could ever be potentials inside of me. I know it sucks to even have to think about that.
The truth is, while you may not choose to be a racist, homophobe, or misogynist actively, or decide to be that in the world, that potential lies inside all of us. We have all potentials inside of us. It’s a matter of what we choose to act upon or feed that creates that flowering of our intent in the world.
One of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite spiritual teachers, Thich Nhat Hanh, says:
Your mind is like a piece of land planted with many different kinds of seeds: seeds of joy, peace, mindfulness, understanding, and love; seeds of craving, anger, fear, hate, and forgetfulness. These wholesome and unwholesome seeds are always there, sleeping in the soil of your mind. The quality of your life depends on the seeds you water. If you water a seed of peace in your mind, peace will grow. When the seeds of happiness in you are watered, you will become happy. When the seed of anger in you is watered, you will become angry. The seeds that are watered frequently are those that will grow strong.
People who make angry, vengeful comments, or send hate mail are just people who have watered the seed of hate for so long that it is stronger than the seed of peace and love.
Usually, they are in a lot of pain or you are serving as a mirror for their own deepest fears.
The woman who writes in, telling me I am disgusting for charging the prices I charge for my higher-end services, is usually the woman who struggles with her relationship with money and deeply desires to charge more money for her own services. That woman is terrified to charge higher prices because she has beliefs that tell her it’s not spiritual to make money, she will be judged, money is evil and so forth. Beliefs that hold her back and keep her struggling financially. When someone shows up mirroring to her what she so deeply desires, she gets angry because she already told herself long ago she could never have what she really wants. To see someone serving as a model that says “you can have what you desire” opens up that wound for her again. Too fearful to do something about it, she lashes out at the person who serves as mirror for the unresolved fear inside of her.
The man who tells me my emails are too long is usually the man who deeply desires to say what is in his heart, but keeps suppressing it, because he’s been taught to say it in the way others expect him to say it, instead of speaking in the length and tone that is true to his heart. I show up with a long blog post or email and it forces him to face his fear of writing a longer piece or expressing his voice in the way he most desires. That feels too scary to do, because a long time ago someone told him, “no one wants to read long pieces,” or “your words aren’t original.” So he lashes out against me as mirror instead, blaming me, and making me wrong for writing long blog posts. That way he doesn’t have to face the fear of saying what he really wants to say.
Yes, we have both seeds inside of us, the seed of anger and the seed of peace — but the answer is not to shove the anger seed down and try to pretend it doesn’t exist. The answer is not to shame the seed of anger inside of us, and believe we are inherently broken because of it. Believing you are broken only promotes broken behavior in the world. Believing you are broken makes you feel powerless and helpless, and the seed of anger then gets watered unconsciously with that powerlessness. We have to acknowledge that seed is within us. By doing so we can make sure that the seed we are watering is the one that aligns with the values we want to promote in the world. In acknowledging the seed of anger with compassion, we can begin to heal the division inside and outside of us.
When we do this, we are no longer victimized by our anger and our internalized shaming. We no longer project our fears onto others and feel the need to attack people who are not actually our enemies. Instead we are now free to identify the real sources of our pain and suffering, and dismantle the real enemies of love.
I often wonder what would happen if all that energy that trolls use to project their fear and pain onto others were actually used in a positive direction. What would happen if instead of calling me a wh&te bitch (I am a latina woman, not white), that woman instead focused those energies on calling her government representatives to make sure they were doing everything they could to stop a person who has openly made racist statements from becoming president? Or stood up for the Muslim person on the bus who is being harassed by an Islamophobe?
What would happen if that woman who sent five messages repeatedly accusing me of not caring to help others because she can’t afford the program I offered, instead donated some of that time to the Standing Rock trip I created to help our Native American brothers and sisters fight the Dakota Access pipeline? Or what if she took advantage of all the free content we offer or participated in our many scholarship contests for several of our programs every year?
Amazing things would happen, wouldn’t they?
I know you’re afraid to speak up because you’re afraid things like the above may happen to you, but I want you to really listen to me here. The world needs your voice now, more than ever.
You can’t pretend to water the seed of peace and love inside of you by ignoring the seed of anger, hiding from it or avoiding it. When we ignore it, we unknowingly water it. When we ignore it, we ignore the ways that anger can be productive and that compassion can be fierce. When we ignore or avoid anger, we unknowingly contribute to division in tiny ways by not standing up for what is right, not speaking our truth because we’re afraid of what others might think, or not taking action in the fulfillment of our purpose to bring more love and connection to the world.
It’s really, really hard to look in that mirror and see that those possibilities lie within all of us or within others. It’s so much easier to pretend that the world is always hunky-dory and that we have overcome all of those societal issues. But this week, it’s clear that we haven’t. Just take a look at the news. This president-elect is showing us our shadow; and the only way to heal and integrate the shadow, is to see what it is here to teach us. So we can make sure to not allow the seed of anger to grow in the world through complacency, fear, or pretending it doesn’t exist.
We need to look our internal and external trolls in the face.
We need to continue showing up as light, even when the darkness threatens to extinguish it.
We need to know that not speaking up because we’re afraid of trolls is just contributing to the same thing the trolls contribute to.
Speaking up for love in the world, speaking your truth, will always generate triggered, angry responses. But in times like these we cannot afford to be neutral when it comes to spreading love and connection with our words. You will need to accept that trolls come with the job description if you are here to make a difference and have a voice that you use to speak up for what you are passionate about.
Like the opening statements of this blog post, you will get a million pieces of feedback. Sometimes opposing bits of feedback. If you give them all equal credence you will feel like you don’t know who you are anymore. Your truth will fade or get clouded.
This is why what matters most is your connection with your own Soul and knowing clearly what your values are and what is in integrity for you.
While every once in awhile I am hurt by some of the comments I get, most of the time I am not. Because I know the pain a person must be in to say such awful things. And I refuse to let anyone shut me up or dull my shine. I know who I am, where my heart is, and what is speaking through me when I open my mouth. I do the internal work every day to know that and to make sure I always know that. I have advisors to call me out when I get out of alignment. And I know what I stand for. I take feedback from people who I know and trust have my best interest at heart (even if they challenge me), not from people who I don’t have established intimacy with or who I haven’t asked for feedback, whose intentions are unclear or unknown.
The people who are truly your tribe will see it and get it too. The people who are in resonance with love will fall into alignment with you.
If you let every little rude comment or reaction get to you, you will stop speaking up. And that is the last thing we need right now. Cultivate your own sovereignty. Know who you are and carry that with you as you speak your truth of love in the world, regardless of what the trolls say.
Your unique truth has a particular song to it that was brought here to contribute to the greater symphony of the world. When you hold back that song out of fear of the darkness attacking your light, you hold back that song, and the symphony of the world becomes dissonant.
Our world is in dissonance right now. The trolls and the dark chasers are louder than ever now. Sing your song, sing it loud, and look your perpetrators in the face — whether they be internal or external ones. Let them know your song is here to stay and that love will reverberate through every corner of the world.