She was really embarrassed to even tell me her story. I explained to her that this was a space of unconditional love and that she could share whatever she needed to share. In fact, I told her, the more she shared the more I could assist. That’s when it all came tumbling out.
She had spent tens of thousands in the last two years. Immersed herself in spiritual theories and personal development mindset techniques that were proven to work for many. But none of them had quite worked for her. She kept spending time and money trying to find the perfect framework, the perfect “religion” that would meet all her needs and would finally give her that map to the way she wanted to feel in her relationships, her work, her life.
Her desk was stacked with all of the most popular personal development books out there. Her computer filled with program after program. Crystals recommended to her from various “spiritual gurus” sat collecting dust on her makeshift bedroom altar. Decks of cards and quotes from famous coaches lay disheveled on her night stand. Half-used yoga and pole dancing passes expired in her wallet.
But she still wasn’t getting what she wanted in her life. She was ashamed to admit that she kept spending money on all of these little things but none of it was quite getting her to where she wanted to go. She’d made a little progress but thought she should be further ahead based on all the work she had done and all the money she had spent.
I’d had a similar conversation just a few weeks prior with another woman who had the same complaint. After having built a very successful business, she was ready to pivot into something her soul had been calling her to do for a long time. Despite having spent so much time, money and energy on every guru to get her soul business to the revenue she wanted, she was no closer to her answer and was at her wits end.
I have hundreds of stories like this to tell. And the truth is, love, I see it all the time. I watch people struggle for years, thinking that the next book, the next deck of tarot cards or the next essential oil is going to finally get them to where they want to go. Or I watch very successful people who have built amazing things reach a crossroads, feel a new calling in their soul and then stay stagnant for years, while hiring bigger and bigger gurus, not knowing how to move on to the next thing because they are afraid.
But there is one crucial thing missing. The glue that would tie all of these things together. And it is overlooked all the time. Let’s talk about it shall we?
First, I want to clarify one thing. I am not opposed to the trying of different things and experimenting. I encourage the people I work with constantly to experiment, to stretch beyond their comfort zone and try new things. I hear often from “spiritual authorities” that people who do this are just practicing “buffet spirituality,” or “buffet personal development,” and are just superficial. I don’t think that is the case, always.
I don’t think that trying different things is superficial. You can try different things and dive into them deeply. That’s different than hopping from thing to thing because you keep giving your power away to every teacher out there by valuing their answers more than your own internal guru, your Soul.
Trends in spirituality and personal development come up all the time. I grew up Catholic, developed a deep interest in Zen and other Buddhist practices, and have taken bits of other traditions I have learned from. I learned good things from all these spiritual traditions. I have left behind what doesn’t work for me and kept the things that inspired me and help me grow. I’ve dived into many things from sound healing, to shamanism, to ascetic living.
The question to ask yourself is this: is trying all these things coming from a place of deepening my connection to my soul; or am I hopping from thing to thing, desperate to find the external answer that will make it all ok and give me the result I want?
Do you try these things to enrich the connection you already have to your soul?
Or are you trying all these things because you don’t have or are avoiding the connection with your soul, and instead, are hoping some outside structure, template, or guru will just give you the perfect plan by which to live your life or do your great work?
Most of the people I have worked with, who were not getting to where they wanted to be in life and in their work or felt stuck, were doing the latter.
We do this for many reasons. We are taught to value ego and outside answers in a world where the Soul is seen as an afterthought, not as valid or something we pay attention to “later.”
We are also taught through our societal structure that we are broken, and so we cannot trust what the Soul says — for how could we trust the whispers arising from a vessel we’ve been told is inherently broken?
Sometimes we have spent so much time dishonoring our soul that we are afraid of diving deep because we don’t know what we will find. What if what we find, we don’t like? And sometimes we’re afraid to really dedicate time to getting to know and connect deeply to our soul because we know she’s going to ask us to do something that is going to shake shit up. Our ego though may be attached to things being the way they are. No matter how miserable they make us.
Love, what I really want you to know is this: there is no one thing that will work for everyone.
No one self-help technique, no one theory, no one mindset tool, no one method, no one spiritual practice has all the answers you seek. We are all very complex, unique human beings. Even in one lifetime, something that worked for you can stop working and vice versa.
Very often I see some spiritual teachers out there talk about how we have to stick with one thing and deepen into it. In many religions, we are taught to almost revere suffering by sticking to it. We are taught that to submit our will to the teachings and to suffer through it is holy.
I do think there is something to be said for consistency and not giving up as soon as something gets hard. Some of the greatest, most fulfilling spiritual lessons of my life have come from sticking with something my Soul is a yes to, even when my ego is saying “get out!”. I’m currently writing a book, and it is one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. But there is nothing more satisfying than finishing a day of writing and seeing what I accomplished. It’s a struggle sometimes to get through it, but deep down it’s what my Soul desires.
It’s a different thing altogether when you continue to stick with something at the detriment of your Soul simply because you were told that that is the more “noble thing.” That is actually a decision made from your ego and not your Soul.
So this comes back to the “glue” of all of the fabric of life. The glue I mentioned is the missing piece when you feel like you’ve tried so many things and aren’t getting the answers or results you want.
The glue — what this all comes down to — is the connection to your Soul.
That is the MOST important thing to have as the basis and foundation underneath all of your experimentation; to have the driver of all this experimentation be the enrichment and deepening of your connection to the wisdom within YOU, vs. seeking the next guru with the answer you need to superimpose onto you to “fix” yourself.
The most important thing you can cultivate is the ability to have such a powerful connection to your soul and what is true for YOU, that you know when you need to pivot when something stops working or when you need something more. Knowing your soul so intricately allows you to always know what tools are aligned and work and which ones don’t. It allows you to know when it’s time to move to the next thing or simply take what you can from one thing and use it to enrich your own personal philosophy (instead of letting it distract you from your soul by becoming your new god and obsession).
This is why it is so important to have such a deep knowledge of and connection to your unique Soul that you can take what you need and tailor it to fit you and expand you, vs. wasting time giving up your power to some outside technique or teacher that may not ultimately work for YOU and your unique makeup.
Having a deep alignment with and connection to your soul efficiently cuts through wasted time because you will hear an instant yes or no in your soul. I’m not talking about the way the ego sabotages by thinking it knows things and blocking out help. I’m talking about that deep guttural soul yes or no. And in a world that does not prioritize soul but rather ego, many of us have trouble discerning what is a soul yes or no.
And yet, even while the top questions I get are: “How do I learn to connect with my soul and discern what is my ego?” And, “What is my soul?” I watch the very same people who ask me these questions, continue to invest in seeking outside answers, instead of investing time, energy and money into fostering and building the most important foundation of a fulfilling, purpose-driven life: the deep connection to one’s own Soul wisdom.
This is why I rarely espouse theories to my clients and instead teach them to turn that question inward towards their heart. Through the practice of deepening our connection to and coming into alignment with our Soul, we begin to deepen our inner knowing and can customize the vast variety of amazing tools to fit our unique makeup.
I continue to repeat this: nothing, nothing, nothing is more important than to have that connection to your soul and the ability to hear it clearly. It is the beginning of everything. It is the seed of all aligned decisions, and the key to all joy and expansion in your life. We suffer when we move away from the soul and put our power onto other people and other techniques/theories without taking a moment to ask “does this align/feel good to me?”
No one is more an authority on you than you and you have a vast well of answers and wisdom within you; because your Soul is connected to the infinite, sacred wisdom of all that has ever existed, all that ever will, and beyond.
Once my clients finally decide to make the relationship with their soul the most important thing to focus on, they suddenly began to experience the breakthroughs and the clarity they had been struggling to achieve for months and even years.
It makes no “logical” sense, I know. Logically we think: How does getting to know your soul on an intimate basis, learning how to care for her and how to discern her voice from your ego, affect your bottom dollar? Your relationships? Your spiritual practice? Your body image? Your work? Your financial situation?
The soul is not linear like the mind, where the ego lives. The soul relies on a deeper wisdom, on intelligence instead of intellect. When we begin to come into alignment with our soul, when we commit to becoming intimate with our soul, we begin to tap into the divine intelligence that moves through all living beings. The same divine intelligence that created amazing things like the human body, animals, plants, the earth, the Universe.
Imagine what your life would look like if that divine intelligence guided your decisions in life and work.
Pretty amazing, right?
I hope that this is the year you prioritize that relationship. The possibilities are limitless when you make your soul the guru of your life. And as cliche as it sounds, all the answers to your most profound questions really are within you, waiting to be discovered and lived.
PS: if you want to make this the year you prioritize the relationship with your soul, we’ve got lots of amazing things coming for you this year. I currently have one spot left for private coaching with me, where we will explore just that. If you’re a high achiever here to do big things in the world and want to shift into soul-driven leadership and living, you can apply for that one spot right here. To be totally transparent here — this spot will probably be gone in the next few weeks (That’s just been the pattern over the last few years. My private coaching sells out by end of the first month of the year). So I’d apply right away if your soul is calling you to it.