I’d like to say that this year was the year that I perfectly planned everything out in my calendar. Revenue goals. Epic business models and fully filled out planners. You know, all the things that a good, responsible “ladyboss” does.
But I didn’t. Instead I took that effigy of the perfectly put together, “professional businesswoman,” and burned that shiz to the ground.
In fact, after my 2015 of epic “failure,” I was shocked to discover that as I entered 2016, my soul asked me for something I hadn’t planned on. Rest. Release all “rules” you’ve learned. Make 2016 a grand experiment in just going solely with what your soul feels like doing and chuck out all the things that people tell you you will “die” if you don’t have in place, she said.
And thus began my year of not giving a f%&k.
Now I want to clarify. I very much give a f%&k about important things in the world. But I can say that at the end of 2016, I give less f%&ks about things that actually don’t matter. Things I thought for sure would sink me if I didn’t obsess about them.
Here are my top 6 Lessons from a year of not giving a f%&k. You won’t find a lot of these in most “how to build success” books. But I truly believe they are the new “rules” of success for soul-driven leaders.
1. Intuition is Queen and Trust is King.
Every year prior to 2016, I would get together with a group of entrepreneur friends and we would sit down and do our projected/desired revenues for our businesses for the next year. Spreadsheets. Long conversations. Strategizing.
2 hours later I would emerge with a plan in hand, ready to conquer the world.
But then 2015 happened. And nothing on that spreadsheet came to pass. It was the worst year of my life. Everything I set out to accomplish failed miserably. And it killed something inside of me. Little did I know it killed something inside of me that needed to die: attachment.
You see, I’d emerge from that strategy session with a plan that “every good business owner is supposed to have every year,” and severely attached to those goals. And when they didn’t happen as planned, I would agonize and let it throw me into a tailspin. I’d compare myself to the plan I had created and tell myself I was not a good business owner if I couldn’t meet those goals as easily as the women I planned them with said I could. If I didn’t hit those goals, a little voice in my head would threaten to call me a failure.
This year my soul distinctly told me: You are not to set any revenue goals. F revenue goals. I want you to ride solely on a wave of trust. See what the Universe provides when you let go.
Oh yes, when I shared with a few entrepreneurs that I was: a) not setting any revenue goals, b) my focus for 2016 was trusting that the Universe has my back as long as I’m aligned with my soul in what I offer, and c) focusing on just strengthening our team and making sure I’m getting more time to write and rest…
Well let’s just say they thought I was crazy. A few scoffed and stopped speaking to me because it seems I was not being “professional” enough.
You know what happened?
We had one of our best profit margins we have ever had in 7 years of business.
My intuition told me to bring back 1:1 coaching and offer 10 spots only. My ego thought “this is crazy, you haven’t offered this in almost 2 years, no one is going to want it.” A few months later, we were sold out and had to turn people away.
We often hear our soul telling us to do something, but our ego doubts it. We find reasons why what our soul is asking us to do is too scary or not practical for the moment. And we delay what our soul asked us to do. This year I decided I was going to do everything She told me, even if my ego was freaking out. I did this because often my clients and y’all don’t believe me when I say this. Your ego thinks it’s a lovely story in theory, but too scary to do in real life, too risky. So I knew I had to fully live it to come back with proof that this works.
The result of being led solely by my intuition was increased profit margin, best clients I have ever had, launching a whole new program which had double its expected enrollment numbers, deeper, more fulfilling relationships, and I manifested living in my dream house in front of the ocean, at the top of a mountain.
Was it easy? No. This is where Trust comes into the equation.
In order for this to work you have to commit to a long term relationship with trust. Trust that what your soul asked you to do is the right thing, even when it doesn’t seem to be going your way. There were a few instances where my soul told me to cut a client that was draining me, even if it meant losing money. For a few weeks, I had to “trust” that the money would come in elsewhere. I almost panicked a few times. But every time I hear that little voice of my soul say “trust.” After a few weeks a new client came in out of the blue (I had done no marketing for this open spot that had been vacated by the previous client), and was one of the best clients I have ever had.
Trust often means you will be riding on a wave in a vast ocean with no land in sight. And you have to just trust that that wave will take you to where you wanted to land. I was not let down once by trust this entire year. Trust destroyed my egoic attachments and my plans — the ones that used to create so much suffering when things didn’t go according to what I had set up.
But it also gave me better than what I had planned for, every time.
What your soul asks you to do may not make sense and people may laugh at you, but it works. I’m not saying to dump planning your revenue forever. Or that it’s bad to do that. But if your ego is so attached to those things that it can’t trust, then you are not opening yourself up to what the Universe really has planned for you, which is often bigger and better than what your ego can dream up.
2. Be open to invisible helpers, aka, you can’t do it alone
In March/April of this year, I heard a voice within me strongly say, go off social media completely for 2 weeks.
Huh? My whole business is on social media, that’s stupid, said my ego.
Do it, said my soul.
So I begrudgingly said okay. And from there two of the most wondrous weeks of the year occurred. You see, I always ask the question to the Universe and my spiritual guides “what does my community need right now and how can I best serve them?” And the reason I was asked by my soul to go off social media was so that I could go into a deep listening around this question.
One of my most powerful spirit guides is Archangel Michael. This was the year that he became my business partner too. Within a few days of saying yes to the invitation to go off social media, he visited me in a dream and told me all about this program that I was supposed to create. The next 2 weeks I felt his presence so strong with me that I was sure if I turned my head around I would see him standing there. It was surreal.
During this time, I was afraid that my revenue would suffer because I was virtually doing no marketing at all for 2 weeks. So one day, when I was feeling fearful, I made a pact with Archangel Michael. I told him, I know y’all want me to create this. But I also need to feel free to create this and not worry about how bills will be paid in a few months if we aren’t marketing right now. So yes, I am surrendering fully to this that you are asking of me. And I would like to request some support from y’all so I can stay fully concentrated on this task.
A week later, a new client contacted me and paid her program in full (she didn’t even need to talk to me by phone, she knew she was in 100%), four people bought a program on my website I wasn’t even marketing, and we got a commission check earlier than we were expecting. We made an extra $30,000 in one week. Doing no marketing and making no offers.
I know that this sounds “woo” to a lot of people reading this. A lot of people thought I was nuts for even talking about this so openly. But the truth is, we don’t do anything alone. Science is proving that our world is deeply interconnected on quantum levels, that matter is literally shaped by things like vibration and light and that there is deep intelligence in every living thing, down to our cells. We have chosen to come to this planet for a very specific purpose, and the Universe is here to assist us in matching that vibration and making it a reality. The Universe is not some general random entity that does this, but rather Oneness which includes our souls and also ancestors, spirit guides, angels and more who want to support us in doing what we came here to do on the planet. Because that benefits the Universe as a whole.
Try asking for some help next time instead of thinking you need to shoulder the burden all on your own. You’d be shocked what comes through if you surrender to assistance from the unseen realms. And if you don’t believe in the unseen realms, ask for assistance from those around you.
3. Make sure your relationships aren’t transactional
This year was the year of the big relationship purge.
I lost/ended about 75% of the friendships I had established over the years. Why? Because I realized that most of those so-called friendships were actually transactional relationships. Not real relationships.
The connections had been forged because so-and-so was a “who’s who,” or they perceived me as a “who’s who,” but I hadn’t consciously realized that.
When I got real with the fact that I had a growing sense of deep dissatisfaction with most of my friendships, I began to really see. In speaking with a dear friend, I realized that even though I was giving 100% to my relationships, I was only being met with about 30% of what I had put in. As a result, I was starting to feel really drained.
I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel fully “held” emotionally in many of my relationships. Seeing things from the point of view of “meeting others with the same level of intensity with which they are meeting me” changed everything.
I began to practice this — meeting people exactly in the same way they were meeting me. This was not a petty game played with anger in my heart. It was an experiment in moving and preserving my heart and my energy. I tend to give so much of myself to my relationships. Which is great, except not so great when you aren’t getting any of that back in order to even out the energetics of that exchange. If someone tended to not make my texts or calls a priority and took weeks to get back to me, I stopped making them a priority in my mind. Instead I gave my awareness to those who regularly reached out and wanted to actually know how I was doing or wanted to actually see me.
The result is that my true friendships revealed themselves to me. People who were only friends with me because of my perceived status, because I was a “good connection to keep in the wings for later” fell away completely. After being left out of a gathering with a group of women I had been giving my heart to for 2 years, I had another big revelation about what kinds of friendships and relationships I do want in my life. I started seeing that I was making myself stay in regular touch with some people who I actually didn’t even think were good people and treated others pretty terribly. I was doing this because they were an “expert” or someone you “should” be friends with. Yet I got nothing out of that friendship.
When I reassessed where I was putting my energy in my friendships, my energy came back to me. I stopped feeling drained. I went deeper and got even more intimate with real friends. These were new and old friends that I had not been able to go deeper with previously because my energy was so spread out between the transactional friendships and real friendships. Once I had my energy back and I was feeling more nourished in my real relationships, I realized there was no going back.
Don’t make friends because it is a good idea to know them or be connected to them. Make friends with people who genuinely interest you. I lost mentors and “friends” this year. But I gained deeper connections and much more fulfillment in relationships with people who genuinely care about me. You can have a ton of friends, but if they aren’t real friendships, you will feel like a very lonely person standing in a room full of people.
4. If you’re not leaping, you’re not growing.
In June of this year an opportunity to move somewhere I had felt called to move to, came up out of the blue. I knew this was a sign.
The only catch was that it was the highest rent I had ever paid to live somewhere. It was above what I believed to be my budget. And it was on the other side of the country.
I agonized about it for a week, but because I had committed to #1 (trusting my intuition 100%), I said yes to it. The entire plane ride on the way to California, I was sick to my stomach. I couldn’t keep anything down. I was terrified.
The first month I was there, I was uneasy and still scared. What if something happened and I suddenly couldn’t pay my rent? What if my roommates hated me and we didn’t get along? What if this whole scheme failed and I had to go back to Florida with my tail between my legs?
This move hit every deep fear that I had.
Yet, when I got there, I was stunned. The place that I had rented out looked exactly like a vision I had had a few years ago of what the most ideal place for me to live would look like. I had always joked that my perfect house would have oceans AND mountains in very close proximity. That it would be somewhat isolated. That I would be able to see the stars at night like you can when you’re out in the middle of nowhere. Where fruit would grow on the trees and I could pick it and eat it.
Here I was standing in the exact manifestation of that dream. My roommates were fabulous. And this place is absolutely magical. It does something to my soul I cannot put into words.
You can also track in my revenue for the year (my financial manager showed me the proof!) the exact moment I moved to Santa Barbara. Why? Because our revenue went up. If it were a graph on a paper it would be one line shooting up.
The best part — I now know I can make moves like this and not die. I have become a better coach, a better writer and more abundant since I moved here. I have taken leaps in the business, hiring new people, firing ones that were not working out. I have made investments that felt scary to me but that paid off three times over. This is because the move itself was a huge soul leap. It stretched me beyond what I thought I was capable of holding. And as a result I can hold more now — including more abundance.
If you aren’t doing things that make you get butterflies in your stomach (or in my case, sick to your stomach) then you’re not growing, love. Take those leaps, you will expand every time that you do.
5. Stop waking those who don’t want to be woken
I’ve always had such an instinct to help people. In addition, I am a seer, so I can see right to the core of issues and patterns and help people with what I see.
The problem is that sometimes people don’t want to see it and don’t want to get unstuck. They are perfectly happy with the way things are and don’t want to wake up from their slumber.
This year I learned to keep my damn mouth shut, no matter what I’m seeing. I learned to only offer help to people who truly want it.
I stopped offering help to people who would ask for it and then get offended by the advice I gave them. I stopped trying to get people to see something that they didn’t want to see. I stopped trying to convince everyone to believe in what I was offering and instead started speaking to the people who already believed in it and wanted to know more. I stopped offering advice to family members who didn’t actually want it when they asked for it and instead just wanted someone to yell at when they didn’t get the answer they wanted.
I stopped trying to reason with trolls on my blogs and on Facebook who had no interest in civil conversation and instead just wanted someone to attack and just blocked them.
Instead, I turned my attention to people who genuinely wanted to wake up. Who wanted to learn. Who were genuinely wanting my help. Who wanted to grow and interact with me in a way that would allow both of us to expand.
Let’s just say that everything is better. My marketing doesn’t drain me anymore. My clients are amazing. My friendships are amazing. And my words and help are not only appreciated, but people run with it and do amazing things with it. A win win for all.
Are you trying to wake people up that don’t actually want to be woken? Stop that! It’s not our place to try to awaken them from their slumber. When they want to, they will ask and you will know they truly mean it. Until then, keep your nuggets of wisdom for the people who will actually appreciate them and use them to make big, beautiful changes in their lives.
6. Rejection is for badasses only
One of the best things you can learn in life is to be okay with rejection and that it means nothing about you. I am so grateful for my long season as an actor and as a creative, because the norm was rejection when I was actor. It was rare you got a yes, no matter how good you were.
So many random things determined whether someone got a role. I once heard someone lost a role because the guy looked like the ex-boyfriend of the casting director’s SECRETARY (someone who has no education on casting etc).
I get rejected all the time. In business, in the beginning I was constantly rejected: by affiliate partners, potential clients, marketing opportunities… This year, I still got rejected!
I got rejected twice in the last month, business-wise. I had my writing rejected by a publisher that is not that hard to get into (and I’m a really good writer!). I reached out vulnerably to a few people who I wanted to be friends with a “I like you, do you want to be friends?” message and the messages were never replied to or even acknowledged. So what?
Why do we make rejection all about there being something wrong with us? What if it’s just not aligned? What if that person is actually no good for you? What if the “no” isn’t saying you suck, but that the Universe has better things in store for you? In my case, this year almost all of my rejections turned out to be blessings in disguise.
If you fall apart every time you are rejected, ignored, or get a “no,” then you cannot achieve anything you were called here to create. If getting rejected makes you hide and stop putting yourself out there, the only one losing is you.
Let 2017 be the year that you get as many rejections as you possibly can. Because at least that means you are giving it your all. Rejections are a sign that you are going for what you want, which most people don’t dare to do… because of fear of rejection.
More rejections = greater likelihood you will get what you want.
If I were to wrap all of the lessons up into one sentence, it would be this: trust your Soul instincts. This was truly a year where I did things “totally off the books.” This was a year where I was okay with making people angry. A year where I gave myself room to be scared and do the things I felt called to do anyway.
There are lots of opinions out there about how you should live your life, how you should run your business and how you should behave so that you “fit in.”
But fitting in out of fear or repressing your own instincts because you are afraid of being judged or afraid of being wrong is the quickest way to kill your unique soul gifts and the creativity you use to express them in the world.
Most experts out there telling you how to do things are telling you what has worked for them. And much of our knowledge of how we “should do things,” is based on models of perception where the ego has to be the master and the soul is some weird, unreliable thing that can’t be trusted or is too “far out there.”
I chose this year to not give a f%&k about the “rules” and instead to experiment, to do what I felt like doing. And I’m still here, thriving.
Let that be an example for you that you can really do this thing called life in any way that your soul calls you to. And that you can trust that when you are aligned with your soul, the Universe rushes in to support you on your mission.
What was your favorite lesson from this post or from the year? I’d love to know! Comment below!