I had just returned home from a trip to visit family. And I was on the verge of tears talking to my therapist on the phone.
I had contracted a horrible cold from a family member. Being sick always makes my mind harder to control. My illness had left me foggy-headed and in this weakened state, I was unable to combat my negative thoughts as easily as I normally can.
My usually-pretty-empowered-and-confident-attitude toward life was taking a nosedive.
I couldn’t believe some of the words coming out of my mouth. I feel like I don’t even know if my work is actually helping anyone. What if I have been delusional this whole time thinking I actually am helping to change people’s lives but that is just a total lie I am telling myself?
I had asked my therapist for this meeting because I was disturbed that I was questioning the value and validity of my work. You see, I, like you, am human and have little insecurities about things just like anyone else.
BUT one thing I hardly ever doubt is the value of my work. It’s just not the thing I tend to doubt when I’m in doubting mode. And, if I ever do start to doubt, I have hundreds of testimonials that remind me I’m being plain silly.
On top of this nearly unheard of doubt in my work’s value, I was feeling pulled to go really BIG with a new project I was working on and I had the most intense resistance to it. Similar to the kind of resistance I have helped my own clients overcome when they’re moving to the next level of their work.
What was going on? Why was I doubting the one thing I hardly ever doubt? And why was I resisting this so much so that I had gotten sick to avoid doing it?
Honey, you got dosed, said my therapist’s voice through the screen.
Huh? What do you mean? I asked her in between coughs and blowing my nose.
She explained to me that there’s a dynamic in my family, like “the crabs in the pot”. When crabs are put into boiling water, if one crab gets to the top of the pot and is about to escape, the other crabs actually pull it down into the pot so it can die along with them.
You’re the crab that got to the top of the pot and they try to pull you back into the boiling waters, she said. Except by now, after all these years of doing my own internal work, my boundaries have gotten really good. And I would never let anyone drag me into the boiling water so blatantly anymore.
So now they have to energetically “dose” you with little comments here and there that you slowly absorb on a subconscious level. They’re like a million little jabs in a concentrated period of time, she explained. No matter how mentally and emotionally strong you are, that adds up!
She had just put into words a feeling I had had for a long time but couldn’t quite verbalize.
YES. This was exactly what had happened.
See, “dosing” is not as obvious as a full-on energy suckage from an energy vampire. At this point, I can spot one of those from 100 miles away and I steer clear. I know the energy vampires in my family and in my circles.
But even people you love and get along with for the most part can “dose” you with their own insecurities and learned beliefs (whether it be learned beliefs from family, community or society). And most of the time they do this unconsciously.
When my therapist told me this, I thought back to the ways I had unknowingly been dosed in the last few weeks. And suddenly I found a million little moments where this had happened.
Like the time I arrived to meet some relatives and one of them pointed out with a quick comment that I “always look like I’m in Vogue or something”.
In the past few years, I have invested in nice clothes that fit my body well. I’d rather have a few nice, key pieces I can always wear. Where I previously thought I had “no right” to find clothes that fit me because I needed to “lose weight” to deserve them, I now invest in gorgeous pieces that celebrate me NOW. I LOVE wearing my clothes and I feel SO great in them. They always give me a little oomph when I walk into a room. Dressing up used to be a thing of shame for me and now it’s a moment of empowerment.
At the moment, that comment from my relative registered intellectually like a compliment. On the surface, it seemed innocuous.
But energetically something about it had not landed quite right for me. I was aware of this. But I ALSO know that she has limiting beliefs about money and does not spend money on clothes because she thinks it’s vain and unnecessary.
So, as the more aware person between us in that moment, I imagined that when I walked into the room, energetically confident, with my favorite sunglasses, red lipstick, fabulous jewelry, and exquisitely tailored coat, a small part of her was triggered.
Even though I knew all of this and could dismiss that comment as “her own stuff”. On some subconscious level that energy stuck to me. A tiny drop of poison settling into my tissues.
Eh, a tiny drop of poison never killed anyone right?
Then I remembered an incident in another relative’s car a few days after that. I was sharing with my relative the desire and soul calling I have to buy the land I live on.
All I need to do is come up with $750k and I can get the loan. So now I just need to figure out how, I excitedly said to her. This is doable.
$750K????!!!! That’s never going to happen Lisa, was the response my relative gave me. Her tone of voice wasn’t mean in the least. It was very matter-of-fact.
Again, I just smiled to myself. Knowing that this was her own perceptive limits in play. She cannot imagine raising $750k, so to her, that was impossible. To me, it’s not. If you desire it, there is a way — that’s my belief system. We live in different mental paradigms when it comes to money possibilities.
But again — even though I knew this and just ignored her comment because I knew it had nothing to do with me… the drop of poison still settled in energetically.
Slowly, but surely, other little doses of poison kept accumulating. I was being drugged into the state of consciousness they all have agreed to operate in. It may work for them, but to my particular body and makeup, it’s poison.
One drop of poison? No prob. Your body can detox that in a jiffy and you barely feel it. But spend a week receiving a million little doses and by the end of the week you’ll be in the ER.
That’s why I was here, weeks later, on the phone with my therapist, doubting my gifts and my purpose, and sick as all hell. I had been dosed.
Here’s the thing about being dosed:
If you ever told the people dosing you that they’re dosing you, they’d be offended and even hurt.
Their worldview works for them. Or it may not but they don’t want to consider an alternative view because it’s too painful to uncover. Or perhaps they aren’t at the stage of their personal development where they are even aware of their own limiting beliefs yet, nor are aware of how their own fears may be the driving force behind the comments they make to you.
So they’ll unconsciously dose you because they aren’t aware of how deeply embedded they are in the cult of their familial, communal, or societal beliefs.
They’ll unconsciously dose you because on some level they fear for you. You are behaving differently than what is “safe” within the family dynamic. You are operating within an unknown paradigm.
The crabs probably pull in that one rogue crab that escaped, not because they want to murder their fellow crab. They pull that crab back into the boiling waters because making you die there with them feels “safer for you” than you entering the great, dangerous unknown that lies beyond their pot’s lid. It’s an effed up way of protecting you.
It’s also their fear that you will find other possibilities they were not courageous enough to consider. Seeing you thrive in the unknown may throw them into a whole lot of self-questioning and reflecting that they don’t want to do. It may disrupt their whole identity and world perception. Most people are afraid of thinking that deeply and would rather be comfortable than wildly happy.
When my therapist gave me this term, “dosing”, I also realized something about an instinct I’ve always inexplicably had since I was a kid.
Since childhood, I’ve always told myself to be very careful about who I choose to spend the majority of my time with. And cautious about who I share my biggest dreams with.
Something in me knew, even at that age, that the energy I immerse myself in the majority of the time will affect and shape my energy, too. Be careful what you allow to shape you.
Whether it was the cousin who always had drama going on, the aunt who always gossiped about other family members behind their backs, or the friend who had a penchant for starting fights with everyone, I knew I did not want to let that energy shape me into the human I would become.
So I always was kind but kept my distance. I chose to be around people who exhibited qualities I admired and wanted to grow into myself.
As an adult, I once turned down a second date with a man who did nothing but complain about the price of things on our first date, and called all wealthy people “greedy”. There’s no way I could grow as a person and meet my financial goals if I was partnered 24/7 with a human being who saw money as such an evil thing. No point in taking it further, as I could see he was very happy with his money beliefs.
I stopped working with a mentor immediately the moment her face turned white when I told her the new pricing my soul had told me to set for my coaching. She had never charged that much before and tried to discourage me.
That was when I saw all of her own scarcity stories. I knew I could not for a second expose myself to that energy if I was going to make the leap and raise my own prices.
(This is also why I created an entire group mastermind for womxn who want to raise their prices, because being surrounded by womxn who are normalizing this desire energetically makes the leap so much easier).
It is known, scientifically that we are made of up vibration, frequency, and light.
And vibration naturally syncs up with the other vibrations around it. Look at what happens when you put two grandfather clocks in the same room, pendulums swinging in different directions. By the end of the day, they’ve synced up.
This is why you get anxious when you hang out with an anxious person, why it’s hard to stay on a healthy eating plan when no one around you is doing that, or why nature relaxes you so deeply — because it’s vibrations are slower and slow YOU down.
All of those frequency waves that are being emitted by the people and places around you are constantly “dosing” you with tiny drops of their medicine or poison.
As conscious as you might be about why people dose you, it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being dosed. All those little “drops” add up over time.
So what do we do?
I don’t believe we can completely avoid being dosed.
In my case, my relationship with certain members of my family is very important. But in order for me to maintain that relationship with them, I occasionally have to be around other relatives that unconsciously dose me with little bits of poison.
The key is to limit my exposure to the poison.
In my case, it means avoiding certain types of conversations with certain family members or friends. Communicating less with them. Avoiding engagements where they may be present. Being choosy about who I share my dreams with. And going into a situation where I may not be able to avoid the dosing fully aware that I WILL be dosed and WILL need to detox afterward.
In those cases, I arm myself with self-care to the max. I book a place to stay where I can get away at the end of the day and reconnect with my inner core. I take myself to massages. I book appointments with relatives who don’t dose me with their limiting beliefs, AWAY from the relatives that do.
During times I know I’m going to be around “dosers”, I make sure to have on speed dial a few friends whose energy and perspectives on life align with mine and I make sure to engage with them frequently while I’m around the “dosers”.
I shorten the length of time I stay. And when I return home, I make sure to not book a ton of work on my calendar or take extra breaks throughout the day to be in nature and feed myself well.
Sure it sucks on some level to have to shorten the period of time you spend with family members you enjoy, because of family members who can’t help but poison you with tiny doses. But in the end, you have to love yourself MORE than tolerating that kind of energetic environment. Even if it means shortening time spent with family you like to be around. Or finding alternative ways to hang out with the ones who don’t poison you.
So, why did I choose to write about this today?
Because I need you to understand this to your core:
Your ability to impact the world with your mission has very little to do with strategy and everything to do with your capacity.
And when I say capacity, I mean emotional, spiritual, physical, and mental capacity.
Strategies work up until a certain point. But after a certain level of impact, success, and revenue, it is 99% all about your capacity.
I know this because I have worked with highly successful, and in many cases, high impact/high earning womxn for years. 99.9% of our work that allows them to reach levels of success and personal fulfillment they couldn’t even imagine is ALL about expanding their internal capacity as leaders.
Being impeccable about who you allow to influence your energy and being fully aware of where you get “dosed” is KEY to avoiding nosedives in your confidence.
And when you can avoid those nosedives or shorten those periods of “breakdown” or self-doubt, fear cannot make you lose your momentum.
By now, you know that momentum and consistency have been the key to your success so far. They are the keys to every successful venture.
You need to keep that momentum going to reach the next level of your impact. Every time you expose yourself to a “high dosage” energy field, you are disrupting your momentum and slowing down your great work in the world.
You are way more likely to succeed in achieving your BIG goals as a high performer and 100 times more likely to leave your legacy in the world IF you have proper boundaries, become aware of the things that “dose” you and become extremely choosy about the energy you surround yourself with.
P.S: Did this resonate with you? If so, let me know in the comments below.