How to turn your soul and your ego into soulmates


lisa fabrega


You have a very strong, brilliant mind, Lisa.  And that is exactly your problem.

My friend’s voice reverberated over the phone as my brain began to spin from that statement.

What the hell is she talking about?  Isn’t that a good thing?, I thought to myself as I caught a glimpse of my mascara stained face in the mirror and jumped a little.

From deep within me I heard a powerful voice speak up: This is not something that you can solve with the mind.  You’re so good at that. But this is your next level of mastery.  To tap into the intelligence that is in your heart.  Mind is intellect.  Soul/Heart is intelligence.

I had been on the phone with a soul sister, at wits end about a “problem” I had been dealing with for 2 years now.  

I had been going through an “existential” crisis around my purpose.  Problem was, I was operating a very successful business around a message that I was now questioning.  A message my soul was calling me to change.  But my mind wouldn’t have it.  I had spent an entire year already feeling completely lost out to sea, not knowing what to do.

My mind said:  this is crazy.  You’ve built a brand around this message.  If you suddenly change it, everyone is going to unsubscribe and you will lose everything.  This is a stupid business decision.  Do not change anything.  Stay with what you’ve built.  Just deal with it, stop being such a baby.  Be a “serious” business owner.

My soul said:  this is what your TRUE purpose is.  We are asking you to move more deeply into your TRUE message.  And this is what your soul-aligned people in your community are ACTUALLY craving and calling out for.  Don’t be afraid, you will be okay.  You cannot be led astray when your soul is a yes.  This is the time for a change.  It is important that you do this.

Two years.  Two years I had spent in this battle between my mind and my soul.  Should I? Shouldn’t I?  It was torture.  I would wake up at 4am sometimes and ask who am I?  What am I doing here?  What is this life all about?

Those nights often felt like I had woken up from a coma and had no idea who I was and how I had gotten here.  And then that feeling would send me into a full on panic attack until the low hum of traffic outside of the window lulled me back to sleep in my sweat-stained sheets.

I remember telling my therapist at the time, it feels like I truly have no anchor.  Like I am floating out in space and I will be stuck here for eternity.

I prayed for clarity.  I prayed for my mind to show me the plan.  I paid a lot of experts a lot of money to help me “figure it out”, get a plan in place.  But still I didn’t have the plan that felt good, that felt clear and that felt aligned.

Until that voice spoke up from deep within me, while I was on the phone with my friend, having my final breakdown.  That was when everything shifted for me in my work.

Just last week, I coached a client through a very similar thing.  And all year I have been doing this.  A lot of people are watching their old businesses or projects change, fall away or they find they are being called into something new they cannot name just yet. They are fighting with the fear of change, of letting go of the successful things they have created and allowing it to evolve with them.  You see, that is the time we are in this year.

This is the year, vibrationally, where truly, what is no longer aligned, can no longer stand.  If we fight it, if we keep trying to go back to our old ways of doing what is not aligned because it has “worked in the past”, things will blow up in our face.  

We are in a time of great change and awakening.  I did a video about it right here if you want to go more in depth with how the earth’s axis/tilt and position actually tells us we are in a time of awakening).  Those of us who came here to this planet, in this lifetime to assist in the evolution of consciousness, to assist in this awakening period that we are in with our true soul’s gifts… we are being called to step into true alignment with what our soul already knows.

We are being called to step into alignment with the Soul so that we can lead from the Soul and use our unique soul gifts to assist in this planetary awakening.

This is why so many of you are feeling a desire to change things up, shift your soul’s work, shift relationships, your message, your purpose and more.

We are being called to step out of the paradigm that is dying.  The paradigm that says the Ego and the mind are the master and the soul its servant.

And we are being called to step into the new paradigm, where Soul is master and the ego/mind is actually the supporter of the soul.

Right now, in the paradigm where ego is master, we spend a lot of time delaying decisions.  Because the Soul says yes!  And the ego immediately jumps into questioning the soul’s decision.  This wastes time as your ego and your Soul battle it out (with your ego usually winning and your soul being suppressed, once more).  This is how we end up in stuck cycles, feeling held back or foggy-headed for months or even, like in my case, years.

Here is a real-world example of how this happens:

A few weeks ago one of my clients told me in a session that she was feeling called to invest in a program that her Soul knew was the next step.  Except, even though she felt her Soul be a deeply grounded and full yes.  Even though she KNEW this was her next step, she was having a hell of a time making the decision to invest.

Her mind was fighting her Soul and creating a lot of fear, saying things like:  Can you afford this?  How can you make this investment when you let all your clients go last month?  You just moved, there’s already a lot on your plate, how can you commit to a whole year long program right now?  Maybe this is not the right time.  

So, she was stuck and couldn’t make the decision because there was a raging battle going on inside between her mind and her Soul. Weeks had gone by and she had missed the early bird pricing because of her inability to make the decision already.  She couldn’t “see” HOW to honor the yes in her soul.

The reason she couldn’t see the HOW of making it happen, was because her mind was focused on the problems that could arise if she said yes to her soul.  (Can you afford this? You just got rid of all your clients, how will you pay for this?  What if you don’t have time? Etc…)

When you focus on a problem, your energy contracts, you go into fear and your creativity dries up.  When you focus on the problem you make Ego the master.

The Soul on other hand, she already knows how to help you make it happen.  She’s just waiting for you to give her the space to show you how to do it.

So, I asked my client:  is this program you want to invest in truly a Soul Yes for you?

Yes, she said.

Okay, so, rather than having your ego fight the decision, how can we use that brilliant mind of yours to SUPPORT the yes in your Soul? Assume you’ve said yes already–how does your brilliant ego mind help you in fully embracing the yes to join this program? (Instead of fighting it).

She was quiet for a while (this usually boggles the mind when you first try it).

All of a sudden she let out a little gasp.

Well, my mind is showing me to create a group program that will bring in the funds to do this.  I already have a few women I know I could invite in who have been asking me for something like this.  And if for some reason the funds don’t fully show up, I have a credit card as back up that I could use so I feel safe in knowing I can make the payment, she said.

There you go.  Doesn’t that feel better?, I teased.

Yes, I feel so much more expansive now and so much better about my decision. I could hear the sigh of relief in her voice.

Just a few days later, another example of this happened on a coaching call with my group coaching clients.

One of the participants was feeling stuck on creating a program her soul had been asking her to create for months.  But she didn’t know what this program was supposed to be about or how much she could charge for it.

Actually, her Soul knew exactly what it was about and what she should charge for it.

But her ego was freaking out.  Isn’t that kind of a shift in the message of your usual programs?  Will people even want to do this?  What if no one signs up because it’s different than what you’ve done before?  Isn’t that priced too high?

As a result three months had gone by and she hadn’t created anything.  She would sit at her desk to create it, but nothing came out. Blank.  She was feeling like total crap about herself because she had not done anything, even though her Soul asked her to create this every day. Can you relate?

Once again, I asked, if your soul is already a yes, how can your ego SUPPORT your Soul in creating this, instead of fighting it?

She closed her eyes and saw her future self walking towards her in her mind.  The future self who had already created and led the program, told her exactly what the program was about and how she priced it.

Instantly, the content of the program downloaded.  Her ego, working with her soul, showed her the marketing plan and the price.  It even showed her a list of people to invite into the program.


This is something I say all the time to my clients.

The soul is simple.
When the soul decides, it’s simple.
Yes. No. Go here. Do that.  

The ego is what complicates it all.  Our deepest fears come up.  The protector instinct of the ego kicks into overdrive and warns you to not change anything.  And then we get stuck, spinning our wheels, not knowing how to see our way out of the thing.  And this is how our greatest soul’s work gets held back in a million little ways.

Your soul, on the other hand, knows it’s going to be okay.  She’s privy to information that your ego can’t yet see.  She is the part of you that is connected to divine intelligence.  How can divine intelligence be wrong?  She knows it’s going to work out in the future and that is why she guides you in the direction she guides you in.  If you can use your ego to support your soul’s guidance, instead of fight it, you save a lot of time and agony and it’s much easier to trust because you’ve got your ego on board.

For years, I have been struggling with writing my book.  A book many of you have requested over the years.  Yet, no matter what I tried, I couldn’t seem to figure out what the book would be about.  What I should write about.


Because my ego told me this had to be the most amazing book ever written, or why even bother?  My ego told me that everyone’s eyes would be on this, so it better be brilliant or I wouldn’t make it to the NYT bestseller list.   And so for three years, I sat down at my computer.  I wrote some things.  But I couldn’t write the book.

So I asked myself the simple question that gets your soul and your ego to be soulmates, working together for your highest good.

What if I could use the brilliance of my ego to SUPPORT my Soul’s yes to writing this book instead of to tell me all the reasons why this book has to be perfect before I even write it?

Literally, five seconds later my dear friend Jen turned to me and out of the blue said to me: I think you just need to give yourself permission to write your imperfect book, Lisa.

It was like my Ego spoke through her.  My ego had been fighting writing the book because...who would I be once I became a true book author?  It had fears about this change.  What if I lost friends who didn’t like me stepping into my power this way?  What if people didn’t like the book?  What if it didn’t make it to the NYT bestseller list?  Wouldn’t I be ashamed and embarrassed?  Could I withstand the embarrassment of not having the book become “the best book of all time”?

Silly ego.

When my ego said, through my friend, just write the book imperfectly, a huge block was removed.  My perspective shifted (because I wasn’t focused on the potential problems anymore and instead using my ego to co-create with my Soul).

Five minutes later I looked at the scrap of torn paper on the table in front of me.  I had written almost the entire outline for the book and knew exactly what it would be about.  In 5 minutes.  Total. Soul. Download.

Simple.  When the Soul leads and the Ego supports, it’s simple.  It’s easy.  It flows.

So that, my loves, is how you get your ego and your soul to be soulmates.

How about you?  What soul directive is your ego fighting right now?  

If you apply the magic question, how can I use my ego to support my soul’s vision instead of fight it?, what happens to the “problem”?

I’d love to hear your answers in the comments below!