How your love life impacts your success as a leader

My client was just about to reach a breaking point. I could hear it in her voice as she shared her experience in the last 2 weeks with me over the phone. Her voice was thick with tension.

I don’t know what is happening.
Every single person I invite into my program needs time to think about it.
They tell me they’ll get back to me in a week or two.
They tell me yes on the call and then they waffle.
At this point in my business, this shouldn’t be happening to me.  

I’ve always been so good at this. Why does it feel like I’m sucking at it all of a sudden?
It feels like no one respects me or my time and doesn’t understand how important this work is.

I could tell she was baffled.
And I understood why.

Most business coaches would tell you, if you shared the above with them, that it must be something in the way you are inviting them in. They would urge you to look at the script for your sales conversation. They would tell you you’re not doing it right.

But my client, like most of my clients, had been doing this for a long time. She knew perfectly well now to handle a sales conversation and didn’t need to tweak her sales script.

As a coach who does the energetic soul work of being a leader with my clients, I knew what was really going on. It was all about energy. This “roadblock” she was experiencing was what needed to die for my client to go where she was being called next as a leader. That’s not something any template for sales conversations or business coach will ever tell you. It’s not something a quick “hack” can fix.  

I’ve been doing this long enough to know that strategies & templates will only get you so far.

The truly impactful leaders of this world, they know the most important thing to work on is their energetic imprint as a leader.  

I’m not putting down strategies. But energy is the most important thing to work on as a leader. And that is why I always work on the soul level with my clients.

You see, my love. We are in a season of death.
Before you freak out, I mean metaphorical death.

It happens to us several times a year, whenever we are upleveling and birthing our newer, next level self. And by the way, what I mean by that is that you’re just birthing more of who you REALLY were called here to be. Without the societal indoctrinations that have taught you to hold back all the little parts of you that make you a genius leader. The genius parts of you that you’re afraid “won’t be accepted” by the world.

In the case of my client, what was dying was the energy leaks she was allowing in from potential clients and current clients in her work. The below is an excerpt from what I spoke with her about on that call. My client thought it was so good, that I had it transcribed. I shaped it, and I made it this week’s post.

By the way, my client closed up these energy leaks I talk about below after our session, and a week later she had gotten rid of the wishy-washy people in her business all across the board, released relationships that were non-committal and stagnant… and within a week, had signed 7 amazing women into her program. Women who were ALL IN for the work she does so well and who were serious about transformation.

She didn’t “tweak” her sales conversations at all. All she did was work with me on shifting her energy — what energy was she embodying and where was she putting that energy? That was our focus in our session that day.

And as we explored this, I used a dating metaphor to help her understand it all.

Here’s that excerpt from our convo (massaged, edited, and added on to for reading consumption) below:

Listen, right now we are in a period where we are being called to show up at our next highest level. We are at the threshold between the old self/world and the new self/world.  

There are still old parts of us that want to hang on. But those parts of the old self don’t actually FIT through the threshold of that doorway into the new world. They are like too much baggage that makes you unable to pass through.  

So you’ve got to let it go.
This needs to change on a fundamental, energetic level for you.

Part of upleveling the way you lead is understanding that people who do not honor and respect your energy and time shouldn’t be receiving your energy and time.

Why are you wasting all that time going back and forth with people who can’t/won’t make a decision? The very reason they are unable to make up their minds is because they don’t see the value of what you do, no matter how good you are at showing it to them. They don’t understand what a privilege it is to work with you. And they won’t get it. They aren’t ready.  

Being the kind of leader you want to be, and already actually are, is understanding that that version of you would never spend this much time “holding space” for non-committal people who don’t want to make a decision.

This attitude doesn’t come from an ego place, or an “I am superior” attitude.
But rather a deep focus on your goals and a nuanced understanding about where your energy belongs, and must be focused, for you to make the impact as a leader that you are here to make.

Think of it this way: if you reached out to someone you liked and they took forever to get back to you, couldn’t decide whether or not they wanted to go on a date with you, and you had to keep emailing them to even get them to reply, or make a decision about a date with you — would you actually consider that a person a viable candidate to date?

If you made a date with someone and they didn’t show up on the date and time they said they would, would you still want to go out with them?

If you gave someone the gift of your time and they didn’t want to take you up on it… didn’t understand what a privilege it is to spend time with you, and that there are a lot of people out there super grateful and excited to spend time with you (so the fact that you chose to spend time inviting them into your space & heart is a gift from you that is an honor)…
why would you continue to try to to befriend them, date them etc?

Why do we, as leaders, do this when it comes to potential clients?

In both cases, making an offer to someone, where they take weeks to hem and haw over it, and staying in that limbo energy with them, does not serve you or them. You are not being a powerful leader in that case. You are rewarding non-committal, limbo-like behavior.  

A good leader inspires others to live and vibrate at their highest — so they don’t reward wishy-washy behavior in clients or potential clients.  

They instead expect the client to show up at their best because THAT allows the client to rise to their best. Isn’t that why you like stepping into environments where people are slightly ahead of you? Because that energy pulls you up into your highest level, too.  

Good leaders treat their clients and community members as if they are already the highest version of themselves, because it creates a transformational space for their clients to rise to that. They don’t spend any time coddling old, outdated, wounded and stagnant behavior in their clients. That’s not what the client hired you for.

Your time, energy, and heart that you give to your clients or anyone in your life is profoundly valuable. It is a gift.  

Especially, if you are a master-level coach who cares deeply about her clients’ success.

In a world with a growing amount of charlatans in the realm of leadership, it’s an honor for someone to get an invitation from you, time out of your busy schedule, and time spent with them to help them achieve their goals.

If someone doesn’t treat that invitation and time offered as an honor, or as sacred, by being indecisive and keeping you hanging… well, you wouldn’t spend anymore time on them if it was a dating or friend prospect; so why do you still do it with potential or current clients?

When you take your work and your mission seriously, you simply don’t put your focus there anymore and you cut the cords on relationships and dynamics like this.  

You are here to change the world and make a positive impact.

If you are serious about it, that means you won’t spend an ounce more of your energy on those who don’t see the value of your invitations and your time and don’t understand what a privilege it is to be a part of it.

Not from an angry place — bless them, send them love, but when you are here to make impact you just don’t have time for the energy leakages that such interactions carry.

I’m sharing this with you because this death energy we are all in has got a lot of us doubting our power, and you’ve got way too much important shit to do to keep wasting your time on this weakened, limbo energy.

It’s a time to birth the new self, not to wallow.

Birthing is hard. Yes.

But birthing the new self also requires that you stop engaging in behaviors which are not the vibration you need to be in to become the leader you were born to be.

The minute you do that you are born into your next level.

So you choose. But how long will you choose to stay here?  

It’s only delaying your rise.  

It’s only holding back the next level of your joy, more revenue, more fulfillment, and deeper connection to yourself.  

A truly powerful woman who is aligned fully with her unique, energetic leadership imprint (which is what my High Priestess Circle mastermind helps you to do), she honors HERSELF enough to know that she has no more time to spend on those who do not see the value of her time and energy.

Instead she moves on quickly from the hem-and-hawers and focuses on those who are ready to make the change and who respect and honor the work.
And that is where she keeps her focus.

Let me be very clear. This is not about dismissing someone or power games.

It’s a deep honoring of the self.

Because when you honor your time and your mission by not spending any more time on those who cannot see its importance, or are not ready, you create a vibration of honoring your soul.

And that means that vibration of honoring yourself and your soul attracts more people who are ready to show up, respect your time, and honor the work. That vibration also repels (thankfully) people who don’t see how important your work is or who talk about being ready, but actually aren’t ready to do the real soul work.

A lot of times when people are not valuing you, your time, energy, or work, it’s because your actions do not invite them to.

Do you sit around cajoling and coddling people who are not valuing you?
Or do you send the message of value through strong boundaries, not allowing that type of behavior, and moving on quickly when someone wants to keep you in a limbo-like state with their decisions?  

Your work is amazing.
It is a privilege to have your time, expertise, and focus.
Stop focusing on those who don’t see it as a privilege and focus on those who do.

I get that death is hard. Lots of emotions are coming up. But the only way to move forward from death energy is to decide to do so. 

You can still take care of yourself and mourn, while refusing to participate in dynamics that have been holding you back from the kind of leadership you were put here to embody.

So, wipe your tears. Send love to your fears.
Pick up your bootstraps. Roll up your sleeves.
And BE who you know you are called to be next.

And if you are a leader who is ready to step it up beyond the amazing things you’ve already created with your work and want help with this, this is what my High Priestess Circle mastermind is all about.

It’s the only mastermind for next level, trailblazing, badass women leaders who are here to deepen more than ever into their spiritual gifts and impact the world, all while growing their revenue & bringing more joy into their lives.

You can apply here now.  

Spots in this intimate group of women leaders are filling up. The women who have signed up so far are absolutely amazing. Multiple six to seven figure leaders who are making a big impact in the world, who are ready to tap into their unique spiritual gifts, and bring those forth into their work and how they show up in the world.

The act of applying itself is an alchemy that lets the Universe know you’re ready to stop this nonsense of being in the wishy-washy energy and actually do this.  

To conclude: you can be dying and being born at the same time. And all great leaders have mastered this skill. It’s how they can keep on impacting the world with their gifts, even when things get hectic.


With fierce love,







Share on Pinterest

Leave a Comment