“Oh my gosh.
His website is amazing!”
“Wow, he thought of every little detail.
This website really establishes him as a thought leader.
It’s so professional.”
“That’s why people respect him so much and look up to him.
That’s why he’s so famous.”
“Why didn’t I think of that?”
“You think you’re so amazingly creative, but you’re not.
I mean, why didn’t you think of that type of design like he had on his site?”
“There’s nothing special or unique about you.”
“You’ll never be respected and looked up to in your field.”
“The people you admire will never take you seriously.”
“You’re too honest. People don’t like that.”
…..”that’s why you will never be in that magazine/interview or guest on that
show because you don’t fit in”…
“You’ve lost all your creative edge.”
“No one respects you.”
“What’s the point of working so hard to get his message across?”…
“Seriously. It’s hopeless. You’ll never be that amazing.”
That’s a peek inside my brain a few months ago.
Even though one of my zones of genius is helping people get past
the comparison trap….
Even though I’ve worked with over three thousand people, helping them
“cure” this terrible “illness” that can stop your deepest purpose dead in its tracks…
Even though I have done tons of work on myself to NOT fall down that rabbit hole…
Even though I know that learning NOT to get sucked up into the comparison trap is
one of the keys to staying motivated and avoiding self-sabotage…
Even though my business boomed after I stopped seeking external validation
and stopped comparing myself to everyone else out there…
I did it anyway.
It had been years since I’d done this to this degree.
Yet there I was…
Feeling like shit about myself because I fell into the comparison trap
and on top of it, I was beating myself up for falling into it in the first place.
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to be really good at NOT doing?
Isn’t that what i teach my clients not to do?
Feeling hopeless and suddenly completely unmotivated,
I heard a voice inside me…
“Remember, you are here to teach what you learn.”
It resonated deep in my core as truth.
“When you’re following your calling, you will always be given the opportunity
to work through the things you teach on deeper levels.
Because you’re meant to teach it to others.
In order to be a good teacher, you have to go through it yourself.”
Thank you, inner voice of my truth.
You saved the day once again.
And with that, I suddenly remembered my tools, the very ones I teach my clients.
Here’s the biggest one I teach to them:
Comparison is often based on an idea you have about a person or situation
that may not even be true. You only see one sliver of the truth.
And there are many people out there misrepresenting the truth.
Some aren’t doing it purposely.
There’s only so much we can post about on our blogs and our Facebook pages
without having to be on the computer all day revealing every minute detail of our lives.
But some are doing it purposely because they are caught in the comparison trap, too.
So they feel they have to present themselves a certain way or brag about
accomplishments, without telling the whole story about how they got there.
I think this lack of transparency feeds into the comparison trap in our society.
And if we are here to be leaders that impact the world in a positive way,
we have to get past this.
If you’re truly here to lead powerfully and in a way that creates a big impact,
you have to lead with expansion vs contraction.
Don’t get caught up in what my friend Vanessa Codorniu calls the
“New Hollywood” of the entrepreneurial world.
Did you know that whole concept of Hollywood, starlets, famous celebrities
was created by the movie studios, in order to make people feel bad about
themselves, compare themselves to the rich Hollywood lifestyle and in turn
fuel sales for movies and products based on the movies?
Yup. Celebrity culture is a product of feeding people’s self-loathing and fears.
Do you want to feed into that? Or do you want to create real change?
Do you want to motivate people through scarcity and fear?
Or do you want to inspire them to love and accept themselves,
so that others do too?
The world is full of misrepresentation, lies, fear and violence already.
Everywhere we are surrounded by people who are being taken advantage of,
being disempowered, being taken against their will into the sex trade or
forced into slavery against their will.
When you are misrepresenting yourself, not telling the whole truth
caught up in keeping with the Joneses…
When you are speaking words that are not your own so that you can fit in…
When you are comparing yourself to an illusion and hurting yourself
in the process…
You are contributing to contraction within yourself.
And because you are part of the world you contribute to all
the contraction in the world too.
Stop comparing yourself to an illusion.
By doing this and truly owning and showing the whole truth about
who you are, you will not only stop feeding into the machine that feeds
violence, scarcity, fear and lies…
You inspire others to fully own and live their truth, too.
And in the spirit of helping you bust your comparison trap, I want
to share some “behind the scenes stuff” that a lot of people don’t talk about.
Print this out and keep this on your wall every time your mind starts
going down that rabbit hole of comparison.
Consider this your Comparison Cure Manifesto.
Sometimes the thousands of followers someone has on Twitter, are actually paid-for robot accounts (not real people) to boost your follower numbers.
* Sometimes the interview that person is doing came about because they
* Or…sometimes that person is at a place where they can afford a publicist
and the publicist’s whole job is to get interviews on TV and magazines to expand
this person’s message. So stop comparing your media opportunities to the
opportunities of someone who has a publicist!
* Sometimes that magazine cover or featured article was actually paid for.
If you can’t afford it, why beat yourself up? One day you will be able to
afford it. Keep going and do what you can with what you have.
* Sometimes I can take a whole month off to travel around Thailand…
and sometimes I have weeks where I work 80 hours.
* By the way—that trip to Thailand was the result of 4 years of busting
my ass and 2 years of hiring and firing people until I found the right team
that could take over for me while I took a month off. It was no cakewalk.
* Sometimes that person who is posting all those healthy things they eat on
Instagram, eats a Snickers bar or drinks a Coke, too.
(I had some peanut M&M’s the other day myself, shocker. ;-))
* That person’s “overnight success?” 7 figure launch? 8 hour workweek?
Yeah, usually that takes about 5-10 years of really hard work to get there.
And a team of amazing people that took years to build.
There’s nothing “overnight” and “always easy” about it.
So stop comparing yourself to someone who’s been at it 10 years longer.
* Ever compare your website/technology/sales copy to someone else’s?
People hire copywriters all the time to write their sales copy.
(I did it for my Fearless Feminine Leader Mastermind page.
I co-wrote that page with a copywriter because I simply didn’t have
enough time or energy to manage an entire launch and write all that copy
by myself. I’d rather hire an expert who will do a better job than me.
I also have a Tech Assistant, which I can now afford to pay (I couldn’t
for the first 2.5 yrs of my business) who does all the complicated tech stuff
you see holding up my websites.
* That “multi-six figure” brag that you see a lot on the internet?
A lot of times that is a gross figure, not net.
For example last year, I accomplished that (and I’m damn proud of it).
Most of that money went right back into my business.
What I actually pay myself as a salary is much lower.
* And all of the people you admire feel pain, fuck up, hurt people, have
been jerks, have felt deeply lonely, have moments of working too hard,
have eaten crap and have had deep fears themselves too. So have I.
Have you ever read Mother Teresa’s journals?
She, the woman who is on the path to being canonized a saint, revealed
deep moments of doubt that God existed. And it happened a lot.
I’ve even heard some people say she could be very bitchy at times!
We are all human after all.
It’s time to cut through the illusion, my love.
Stop distracting yourself from your great work by comparing
yourself to things, people and situations that are not even real.
Now, put your head down, get to work and pour that beautiful heart
of yours all over the world, so that we can all put our heads together
and make it an even more beautiful place for everyone.
And if this post helped you at all, I’d love it if you head on over to the blog
and share it with your peeps and/or share in the comments below what
you are going to stop comparing yourself to once and for all.