That’s the number that behavioral experts will tell you it takes to reach mastery levels of your craft. I have a few things I have 10,000 hours in. Writing is one of them.
I’ve been writing since I was 6 years old. Locked in my mother’s blue, tile, 70’s-style bathroom, sneaking scrawled poems onto torn off corners of my mother’s notebook while singing the words out loud for the acoustics.
And as I approach my ninth year in my coaching business, I realized the other day that I’m almost at 10,000 hours in coaching as well. And along with that, I’ve noticed something very interesting.
I’ve become less tolerant. But I think this is a good thing.
My tolerance for BS, the ways we lie to ourselves and wishy-washy, half-in/half-out energy is at near zero. And having done this for 10,000 hours now… I can tell you this:
We are so good at lying to ourselves. And we’re good at lying to ourselves about lying to ourselves. And it’s what kills our biggest dreams and our highest potential.
In the personal development world, we talk a lot about abundance and believing in/going for your dreams. We have exercises to practice gratitude for what we have every day. I even have a version of this exercise that I assign to my clients. We talk about “trusting in the right timing”.
These are great spiritual practices. I think it’s incredibly important to love what you have. To really appreciate all the abundance that surrounds you. It trains your mind to recognize abundance, which creates more feelings of abundance.
And because everything in our world is made of vibration and light, it makes sense that shifting our energetic vibration to one of more abundance, will attract more abundance into our lives. We notice more opportunities for abundance and we’re more likely to take action that creates more abundance.
But I also have seen so. many. people. using “gratitude” and “being happy with your small life” inauthentically.
I have seen so many womxn justifying where they feel dissatisfied and pushing down their true desires under the guise of “celebrating smallness as sacred too” and “being grateful for what you have”.
When deep down inside I can feel their true desires burning like a furnace inside of them.
I have seen womxn accept mediocrity and continue to repeat the same self-sabotaging patterns under the excuse of “I trust that when the time is right, I will make that decision”.
That’s not how it works, actually. Take it from someone who has close to 10,000 hours of practice in this.
Trust is a crucial component when we have big goals for impacting the world. But “trusting” does NOT mean:
- doing nothing and being inactive while you “wait and trust”
- not taking big enough risks/leaps
- repeating the same behavior over and over again
- ignoring the leaps your soul is asking you to make under the guise of “trusting in the right timing”
- or thinking some “magical sign” is going to come in and tell you when the time is right
In my experience — my own life and lives of the thousands of womxn I have worked with to help them leave their legacies — that never happens.
Every single important expansion I have made which improved my life by a thousand times was not made with any certainty. In fact, I felt scared. I heard my mind telling me I was crazy. I had the BEST excuses for why I shouldn’t move forward.
And having enrolled thousands of womxn in our programs now, I have also seen womxn teeter at the edge in fear but still leap, and then look back and go, “holy crap I can’t believe I almost didn’t take that leap. What I see from the other side of this leap is NOT what I was seeing before this.”
Unfortunately, I’ve also seen womxn not leap. Wait for “the right time”. Want a BIG life and yet cling to “celebrating the simple and small” or say “one day I’ll do this when ‘the time is right’”, when in reality it’s just the words they use to justify to themselves the fact that they just gave up on themselves…
It breaks my heart.
And seeing it happen so. many. times over the years…
Watching brilliant womxn accept less than what they want and then somehow try to make it more palatable for themselves so they can bury the pain of once more saying no to their greatest vision….
I have no tolerance for it anymore.
There are so many areas in our world where womxn’s leadership is needed right now. And a large percentage of the womxn out there qualified to change the world with their leadership are lying to themselves by telling themselves they don’t REALLY want to make a big impact in the world.
You might be one of them. You might be very successful at what you do. But deep, deep down, you know you are still holding back the full force of your power. Yes, you can be wildly successful and still be playing small. I work with womxn like this all the time.
Maybe this post is stirring up a lot of shit for you. Maybe you are feeling triggered. Or maybe there are tears streaming down your face. Or maybe you want to tell me to eff off. That’s okay with me. I’d rather have SOME emotion when we’re talking about your biggest effing dreams than a resigned complacency disguised as “honoring my process”.
As I approach the mastery levels of my coaching craft, I have seen every which way a womxn can sabotage herself. How she can carry HUGE dreams inside of her heart as a girl, then have the world slowly talk her out of it and convince her it’s perfectly okay, and just as good to only go for the dreams that feel “safer”.
I don’t work with womxn who have small dreams. I work with womxn who have big ones. No one here reading this actually wants to live a small life.
(I am not criticizing the small life. At all. But I work with womxn with big visions, so that is who I speak to in my posts).
And that means I won’t tolerate it when you are lying to yourself about what you really want. I’m not going to write you back and say, “it’s okay honey,” when I know you’re lying to yourself. I’d be the worst kind of ass kisser and not a good mentor if I did that.
Some womxn get mad when I refuse to pat a lie on its head and pretend it’s a good thing.
That’s okay, too. You asked me to be a stand for your dreams. That’s what I’m going to do.
My level of tolerance for excuses for why you can’t do something, why you can’t leap just yet, why it’s okay to get right to the edge of your transformation and then chicken out on yourself is gone.
My level of tolerance for the way you spiritually gaslight yourself with phrases like, “I trust when the time is right this will happen” is gone.
I don’t have time for you ghosting on yourself when you say you want something (and consequently ghosting me by telling me you’re ready for something and then disappearing off the face of the earth and not answering any of my emails).
Because that’s cowardly behavior when you do that.
And I know that, actually, you are BRAVE.
I no longer have the patience to watch you keep yourself stuck in one place longer than you should.
And conversely my lowered level of patience for the BS and the ways we lie to ourselves, is what makes me a better and better coach as the years go by. The lower my tolerance for excuses, the higher the transformation.
It’s why my clients achieve results faster every year. It’s part of why the results get bigger month after month. Why the dreams of my clients get bigger and bigger as we work together and create a safe space for them to be spoken out loud.
I no longer have the tolerance for the ways we lie to ourselves because it’s ungrateful of you, of us, to behave that way.
Not ungrateful towards me. Nope, that’s not what I mean.
It’s ungrateful to yourself.
To God. The Universe. The Divine Purpose within you.
The ancestors who have died for your unique cell combination to make it to this very moment.
You were given this unique, incredible gift to share with the world. And you want to to sit there and tell me the million reasons why it’s okay that you keep holding back just a little bit?
You want to sit there and tell me for the umpteenth time why you keep having to postpone it or not be ALL IN for yourself by taking fast action, like you meant it?
Hell no. I don’t want to hear it.
All the ways you lie to yourself by telling yourself you’re okay with what is and “trusting” or “honoring your pace” is what is destroying your dreams. When I say dreams, I’m talking about the biggest ones you have had in your heart since you were a kid. The ones you’ve somehow convinced yourself were just “child fancies”.
So, yes, be grateful.
But also, be less tolerant of the ways you tolerate mediocrity.
Be fiercely intolerant of the ways you hold back just a little bit.
The ways you behave like a timid, meek mouse when you are a lion.
Because I am no longer buying it. And neither should you.
With fierce love,
P.S: Did this resonate with you? If so, let me know in the comments below.