photo by Kym Pham
I spat the words out as I shut my laptop. A vague sense of disgust mixed with
a deep exhaustion that seemed to rise from my very soul.
I had just finished writing 37 emails for a new creation I was announcing to the world.
37 emails written exactly as I had been taught to write them.
And I was bored out of my mind and drained as I typed the last word and added a period to the last sentence.
It wasn’t a total disembodiment. My heart was always there in what I wrote.
But it was the tricks, techniques and frameworks that I was tired of.
The frameworks that had provided so much helpful instruction for me when I was first learning them, now felt like tired cages around something inside of me that wanted to burst out in a million colors.
I was tired that these were the hoops I had to jump through in order to be seen and “convince” people to want to join me in this new offering that I had birthed as such a deep labor of love. Have you ever had to convince someone of something? It sucks. And it’s draining. But this is what I had been taught. So I did it, shrugging off the slight sense of misalignment it gave me as “resistance”.
As much as I believed in what I was inviting my community into, as much as I had seen the work and what transformation it created…following that industry template of inviting people into this sacred work felt very much like just being a slightly more authentic version of the same mannequin that is used in every single store. Perhaps different clothes. A few bulges and wrinkles drawn on to denote more “realness”. But still. It was the same mannequin.
It had been a busy year. A successful year.
But I was tired. Soul-weary. To a point that was not acceptable to me and raised a red flag.
I had nights where I lay in bed feeling empty, questioning the meaning of it all, of my work.
I was filled with a strange longing that I could not pinpoint.
At first I thought I was longing for a lover. A great love affair.
But soon it became obvious that it was not another person I was longing for.
It was an affair much greater for which my entire body was calling.
It was a return to my sacred creativity.
A remembrance of the sacred feminine within me. The part of me that creates art.
It had gotten lost along the way and the moment I shut my laptop in disgust I realized it.
There it was.
A glaring sign that something was entirely off.
Because life is anything but boring, so when we become bored we have become disconnected from the divine within us–the very thing that gives meaning to our lives and keeps us going.
Boredom is a warning sign.
I should not feel this way about my work, I thought, as the realization churned within me, making me feel even more nauseous.
Something was terribly amiss.
I had been an artist my entire life. When I was 6 I wrote my first song lyrics on a tiny scrap of paper I found on the floor next to the bathroom trash can. I sang it in there, the ceramic tiles providing the perfect place for my voice to echo and give the song the slightly haunted feel I was going for.
On weekends when most of the girls in my school were out meeting boys, shaving their legs or buying cute outfits, I was drawing furiously with my cousin in a sketchbook, or hand writing and illustrating my first book. Helping my mother sew curtains and plaster wallpaper on my dollhouse.
As I grew older I filled notebook after notebook with otherworldly dreams from the night before, envisioning them one day as a magical collection of odd stories or movies yet to be made. Often, when journaling, I heard instructions from the divine, telling me that to be a creative was how I was here to inspire others. As a child I always knew this.
I majored in English in college, won poetry contests, read my written works to a large audience of people. Sculpted. Took photographs. Sang. Taught myself piano and guitar. I went on to study acting and get an MFA, all the while painting, singing and creating.
And then I started my business.
And the more I learned about marketing and selling the more my creativity began to move into the background. And now I was here, bored, feeling like a machine after having written 37 emails, the same emails dressed in different clothing, that I was tired of writing, over and over again.
This is not a rant against marketing or selling.
There are many who rant against it who are actually covering up their own shadows of scarcity and justifying their own unhealthy beliefs about money by making marketing and money “evil”. That’s not what I’m doing here. I love marketing and I think it is a beautiful service to humanity when done in alignment with one’s unique soul gifts.
And I want to make it a point to say, when we are new at something, we naturally look for frameworks that will show us the way. It’s a necessary step in our development to seek out structures and ways others have done it before us and it is important.
Mastery often requires practicing what others have done first, taking what works for you and discarding the rest eventually. I did this when I started and I learned a great many helpful things that I still think apply today. If you look at Picasso’s early works, you will see his painting was very traditional as he was learning. He didn’t move into his unique expression until he had mastered the other techniques first.
One cannot skip straight to mastery if one has not learned the basics first.
But at a certain point, like many of the people I support today in my work, I started believing the claims that “unless I did it this way, nobody would buy what I was offering”. That the popularly accepted way was the only way to be successful. And if I didn’t follow this exact step by step technique, my soul’s work would go crashing down in flames, all because I hadn’t created a false deadline or used some special NLP trick in my marketing.
And so I began to view the generally accepted marketing frameworks as wiser than me.
And I surrendered to them. And though I still appeared creative and unique to many people, I knew that deep down inside, I was not letting my creative genius soar as much as it was capable of soaring.
And that meant I was disconnecting from my internal sacred feminine.
The creator part of me and that is in all of us.
The womb from which all potential springs.
Instead I was subtly molding myself to fit an old paradigm of running one’s own soul aligned business in which the masculine is hyper-emphasized and the feminine has little room to breathe.
Ever feel guilty for taking a break?
Tried to take the weekend off to do nothing or go to the beach but you can’t stop thinking about the work you aren’t doing while you’re off enjoying yourself?
Eat rapidly in front of the computer to save time or eat crappy food because you’re busy?
Never have time to take a luxurious bath or have 10 minutes to sit with yourself in the morning?
Feel tired all the time but can’t figure out why?
When was the last time you touched your body, slowly and felt the little hairs on your arm rise up in pleasure? When was the last time you gave yourself the space to be and do nothing?
Dance naked without a care? Read a book that has nothing to do with your business?
Travel somewhere just to be overtaken by its beauty and to have a soul experience, letting the land work on you and teach you…instead of only traveling to conferences and events where you will be taught more information in a workshop or in front of a powerpoint slide?
When was the last time you created something that was so utterly, uniquely you that no one in the entire world could ever replicate it?
Whenever I ask these questions of the people around me who feel called to create something that is aligned with their soul and serves the world, a certain realization begins to spread across their face.
Take time off? But I can’t. I will stop making money.
Give myself the space to allow the answer to come? I can’t afford that!
Everything I built will come crashing down!
Dress for a photoshoot like I really want to?
But that’s not what I see “successful” people doing!
Market in the way I feel guided? But that’s so different than what I have seen out there and what the gurus say has been proven to work! So I can’t afford to make a mistake and go with my gut, I have so much riding on this launch!
Invest in my own pleasure and joy, instead of investing in a business program?
I can’t afford that right now.
These things are symptoms of an illness my love.
They are symptoms that we are caught in an old paradigm of doing our great work in the world. An old paradigm that completely disregards the feminine and over-hypes the masculine in business. A paradigm that says we are broken and cannot trust the creative instincts that spring from our soul. Where killing one’s self with work and driving ourselves into the ground with action is the only way to prove one’s worthiness, be successful and impact the world.
The masculine energy in all of us is the part of us that creates the structures, pushes us forward to succeed and get the work done. The feminine is the part of us where our creativity resides, where we create, dance in pleasure and give ourselves space to feel our way into our latest creation.
The masculine is necessary, without it we would get nothing done and be in an idea and dreaming phase our entire lives, and in turn we would be miserable because as humans we need a balance of both, an interplay.
But tip over too far into the masculine and you have lost all your creativity.
You have burned out creators who feel disconnected from their purpose.
Who may be making great money but can’t figure out why they still don’t feel happy.
Or who may be following all the “formulas” but are still not making any money…because they are not honoring their own unique creative instincts which would make them stand out as thought leaders in their field.
In the old paradigm, the masculine ruled supreme. There was little room for the feminine to give input. And we have suffered for it. I still see so many of us approaching our soul’s work and our businesses in this way.
There is a mass of people seeking a more balanced way of offering their soul’s work to the world without having to kill themselves and their soul in the process.
We are craving creative offerings instead of the same cookie cutter frameworks we have become accustomed to seeing. And as a result, the old ways aren’t working as effectively anymore.
The new paradigm of creative leadership is bringing the feminine back into the way we offer our great work to the world, so that there is a better balance.
That means bringing back our creative instincts and trusting those as much as we trust time tested techniques. It means honoring one’s process vs. pushing for fast but disembodied results. It means tapping into your soul and asking yourself how much money feels aligned to make this year, vs pushing for six figures because it makes you look important.
The new paradigm of integrating the feminine back into our leadership believes in giving one’s self space to hear one’s soul, while taking aligned action. It champions one’s own soul and creativity as the only “guru” you need.
It understands that time for pure pleasure, experience and enjoyment is not only fun but actually a crucial ingredient in creating something truly unique that impacts the world profoundly.
And yes, we must still learn the frameworks that are required for all of us to learn mastery, just like Picasso and all the great artists and world-changers did.
It’s time for us to reclaim the sacred feminine within all of us, whether you are a man or a woman. I just so happen to work with mostly women (and enlightened men too).
If you want to truly be creative and stand out in your unique soul gifts that only you are here to be bring to the world–those gifts that were gifted only to you to create sacred impact…
then it starts by reclaiming the sacred feminine within you.
It means learning how to balance work with play.
Redefining your relationship with pleasure and joy.
Expanding your capacity to do nothing and enjoy it.
Honor your process while taking aligned action.
Trusting in the answers unfolding on their own time, divine time, and not pushing.
Prioritizing space, joy and time to just be in the world without “doing” anything.
And these things are not easy to re-learn.
We are still in the old paradigm, coming out of it, but still in it.
And it’s easy to fall back into fear and old beliefs that we must work ourselves to the bone to be worthy of success. That we will somehow be punished and be poor if we follow our own creative instincts and deviate from the norm. That investing in things solely for pleasure is not as much of a priority as something more structured and masculine-oriented.
The only question remaining, then is this:
The sacred feminine is calling to you. She is calling you back to your creativity.
Back to the truth of who you are. Back to your innate joy and pleasure.
Back to profound happiness with your life, back to meaning and depth, back to nature
and being a citizen of this beautiful world…
will you answer her call?
With devotion to your soul,
ps: A return to the sacred feminine is the EXACT theme of my Soul Adventure™ retreat, taking place in Languedoc/Provence, France this year. For 5 days we will be entirely focused on answering the call of the sacred feminine. Re-learning the sacred feminine practices of play, creativity, joy and pleasure. We will run through fields of lavender and flowers, drink wine and play in the French countryside and end with a sacred pilgrimage to the cave where one of the bastions of the sacred feminine herself lived for 30 years, Mary Magdalene.
If you’re ready to reclaim your creativity, joy and reconnect with the sacred feminine within so that you can truly stand in your unique soul gifts in your work, you can apply for a chat with me right here. Before 1/29 there are amazing early bird pricings and many payment plan options, so click here to learn more, apply and let’s get on the phone and get you back into connection with your pleasure, love.