Space. It’s all I am surrounded by whenever I come to Iceland. It’s why I come here.
And in that space, I lose most of my words. Because I am listening. Listening. Turning my ear to the great below. Quieting to hear the voice within. Letting the cold wind blow through me, taking with it the bits of debris that build up, other people’s voices, shackling thoughts that are not of the true essence of my being.
A few days ago we came across a cabin in the middle of nowhere. A tiny black fisherman’s cabin with a view of the sea and the grand, silent behemoths that are the fjords. And it beckoned me.
Come here and I will hold you in your silence, it said. And I am listening.
A few emails later, I found the owner of this beat up fisherman’s cabin with the tiny bedroom, tiny kitchen and the large, blustering views. Her name was Lisa. It is available for a week, she says. I had planned on visiting the Faroe Islands after the Iceland Soul Adventure was over, but it is clear now that what is called for is more silence, here. I am listening.
I went to one of the most remote parts of the world for five days. I’m just now getting back to civilization before I head out again. There was so much silence within. Not a thought. Not a stirring. Just empty space, the only thing that can accommodate such beauty and such majesty in this untouched part of the world. Where there is no time to listen to anything that is not truly you because the mountains demand you show up as you actually are. They’re not playing around.
The first night in the little black fisherman’s cabin, I closed my eyes. I usually like to fantasize as I’m falling asleep. When I’m feeling brave I let my heart dream big. I see myself in a magical world, full of beauty and nature. I imagine myself as the heroine of this magical story.
I let myself feel the excitement and the joy of it all. I dream up a world and life where anything is possible. A world I can’t wait to manifest. There is still a girl in me that thinks if I will it hard enough, one day I will be able to fly.
I want to believe in a world where all things are possible.
I let my heart soar.
And that night, I was surprised to discover…there was no world to make up this time.
All I had to do was remember the day that I had just lived. The fantasy is now reality.
It is nice to have a life where magic is real. Where dreams don’t stay dreams.
Where you can create everything your heart wants.
I have built this. I did this.
This is what I think as I drift off to sleep to the sound of wind & seagulls cooing, with the smile of a girl in love.
I notice as I write the above how I feel afraid. This is the truth. A small part of me is afraid that it will anger some you. Trigger. This happy moment.
How dare she, I hear enraged voices growl in my head.
Must be nice.
Bring her down.
I hear the girl in me whispering…
Can I really have what my heart wants?
Do I get to keep it?
Even after all this time, there is sometimes a little girl in me that is afraid of being punished for having the courage to seek out and own her bliss. The witch that was burned in that past life for daring to claim that we can create the things we most desire. That rebel in her family who does nothing the way she is supposed to and so became the outsider. For having the nerve to remind others that the Creator lives within as well as without. For proving that there is another way.
And I know that the very judgment I am fearing from the outside world for daring to dream big and live it…is really only the voice in me that is afraid to let herself have all she ever wanted.
The tiny part of me that still wants to resist the full opening of letting the soul guide and create what she loves, unashamedly.
And yes, there may be some who get angry.
Who want to punish.
But that is only because they have the same fear as I do, we all do.
The fear of letting themselves have everything.
If you think about it, that can sometimes feel scary.
And those who get angry. They are me. They are that part of me that is afraid of the vulnerability of believing that you can have everything.
It’s okay, I hear a voice inside me say. Soothing me like a mother putting her child to sleep.
It is okay to feel and express your happiness.
It is okay to create this without being punished.
How do I create the things I want?
I hear this often whenever I tell someone about what I do in my line of work.
How do I get the courage to overcome my fears?
How do I hear my soul to get to the truth of the thing?
The answer is space.
Room for silence. Room for emptiness. Room for not knowing until you know.
That is a slow thing sometimes. A thing that has no answers the ego will be pleased with.
A thing with no formula or steps that can be bought from a person outside of you.
A thing that must be stumbled into and slowly uncovered & rediscovered.
And it’s not like you allow yourself to create space only when things become clear.
Sometimes you go into space & silence when the waters are murky and unclear.
Sometimes you create that space anyway, even at your most confused state.
Space is not the place we go to when we already have the answers.
Space is the refuge of the tortured and confused.
In the Buddhist tradition the beautiful lotus grows out of the muddy water, not the clear.
Do you have the courage?
I ask myself this.
I ask you this.
Because we are the same person. Divine mirrors for each other.
Do you have the courage now to slow down?
To give yourself the space to hear what your soul is trying to whisper in a language that cannot be understood by the ego?
Something in me is beginning to be birthed. I can feel it. You can feel it.
It is pushing from within you to make its way out into the world.
Let us breathe.
Let us turn our ears to the wild desires of our heart.
Let us give ourselves the room to dream and hope and create.
Let us give ourselves over to the silent prayer that brings forth all the unseen private fantasies that we are afraid to want. Let us breathe them into luscious life.
Let us welcome