In the last 4 weeks, I’ve received a very strange request from my soul.
It has thrown me for a loop in an incredible, unexpected way.
But I followed it.
Because if there’s anything I know after going against my soul for years and ending up sick & almost diagnosed with a serious auto-immune illness, because of that….
it’s that when your soul speaks, She/He is going to ask you to do things that your ego does not understand. In fact your brain might think they’re downright crazy. But every time I’ve had the courage to bypass my ego and follow what She was asking me to do, that’s when the magic has sprung forth from the fertile grounds of my life (and the lives of the people who I’ve worked with as a guide in their own soul alignment).
And so, about 4 weeks ago I got the very clear sign from my soul and my body to slow down.
And not just slow down…
but literally my soul said: “be smaller”.
My brain didn’t know how to make sense of this.
Aren’t we constantly bombarded with motivational posts and internet memes that scream at us “go big!”, “don’t play small!” or “you weren’t born to be small!”?
Isn’t it going against myself to be small?
Isn’t that a bad thing that is all about self sabotage?
But yet, when I put my ears again to my Soul, once again she whispered…
I want to be small for a bit. Like a mouse.
Listening to only myself and the beatings of my tiny, delicate heart.
Now, I am an extrovert, with Mercury in Leo.
If you don’t know what that means in astrological speak–it basically means I am born to be on a stage, to speak out, speak proud and put myself “out there”.
And as an extrovert I get a lot of energy from being around people.
I do everything pretty big. I love being “big” and I love big.
And I have a big, strong heart.
“But”, my soul said, “You also have a tiny heart, who is quiet and delicate and lovely in a way where you just want to marvel at the perfection of her intricate, minuscule beauty.”
So I listened.
I got tiny.
And it feels so. damn. good.
Days go by and I don’t write any original content, when for years I wrote new content every single day, sometimes several times a day. I turn down invitations for HUGE summits and events.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved doing these things. I’m a very prolific creative and I’m always driven to share with others so I can be of assistance. So I wasn’t going against myself by being big. I like being big.
But consciously being small, was a revelation.
And what’s so interesting, is that I feel the part of me that is used to being BIG & being out there, loud, speaking up and taking on big challenges…
that part of me has been so used to being in charge (and effectively so, I love Her)…
that she is having a knee jerk reaction every time I go to do something, to take over and lead.
She is so used to being in the lead she has almost become my instinctive first move.
And then I feel the distinct STOP of my body, my tiny self puts a hand up to my big self.
She says “not now Lion Heart. Time to be small.”
So I sit here, in this tiny space in which I hear my smallness fluttering like a very special, delicate thing that I want to love, embrace, protect and care for with such kindness & awareness.
The kind of tiny-ness one feels a need for when mending a broken heart.
Or losing someone we love.
We just want everything to be still and small.
I hear the silence & the lovely music of her little, knowing voice.
And I bathe in the gift of my smallness.
Even when my BIG self gets nervous, my tiny self says:
keep your energy compressed into tiny points of light.
let its compact, atomic force, feed you at such depths that starlight will burst from your eyes when it’s time to be big again.”
And so it is.
And I realize, there is such a thing as powerful smallness.
This is a whole other level of being small.
This is not being small because you don’t believe in yourself.
Or hiding out because you’re afraid.
Short-changing yourself or undercutting your dreams.
That’s not the kind of smallness we’re dealing with here.
We’re talking about the smallness that is required before a big expansion.
Before a star becomes a gorgeous supernova, it must contract and collapse into itself.
Compact all of its energy into such a tiny point of light.
And then it explodes all over, leaving beautiful formations of stardust, which births new stars.
And this is a whole other level of bigness too.
Because bigness, when ungrounded, when out of alignment with our soul can be destructive to the purest essence of our expression.
Just like smallness can take a turn towards self-sabotage and self-repression…
Bigness can turn into not trusting, becoming overly busy, needing to prove ourselves to the outside world or craving the validation of being seen or approved of by others.
In the end, the invitation from my small self to play in her world for a bit makes sense.
Because next week, I’m unveiling some things to you that I never have before.
I’m going to my edge in vulnerability, in deep changes in some of the ways in which I offer my services and my heart to you and the world.
It’s necessary for a contraction to happen before the expansion.
All expansion is preceded by contraction.
In the contraction we give ourselves the space to gather the energy we need before going big again. In this tiny space we can hear the voice of our Soul and honor the most essential part of our being. We go deep into self love and self care, so that we are ready to put our soul’s work out there in an aligned, healthy way when we it’s time to go “big”.
And while bigness is traditionally viewed as more powerful, there is a quiet, still power to the trust that smallness requires. And it can be just as magnetic.
So, this week, before I go to my edge next week and do the scary, big things, I listen to my tiny self. She says…
You don’t have to be the loudest voice.
You don’t have to be the biggest.
You can draw the things you love to you with the power of stillness & a delicacy reserved for the most precious things, like newborn children or butterfly wings.
In smallness, there is power too.
How are you honoring your smallness? Have you found that there is power in smallness too?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.