photo by GeneticBoi
Clarity, here we are again.
Just when I think we’ve figured you out.
Just when I think I’ve found a way to make you stay and settle, you are the
wild-haired woman who slips out of my bed and into the evening, naked.
Owned by no one except the underwater stirrings of her soul.
I am angry today.
Because you’ve left me again, sheets still warm as I wake.
I am angry because I can’t make you arrive when I desire you,
force you to stay at my disposal. Control you.
I can’t put you into a neat little ego box like I want to.
I can’t make you part of the perfect life plan that I’m supposed to want,
the one that looks great from the outside, the one everyone approves of,
the one everyone wants; the one where I get to be a somebody, everything
is easy and the books are piled perfectly on my coffee table like a cute,
well-branded Instagram image.
The one I’m embarrassed I don’t have, because it means I can’t keep up with
the Joneses, I’m not good enough, I’m too much. The one I’m ashamed to admit
a small part of me still feels that she has to want.
Clarity, my throat is choked with these hot, orange coals.
I can’t make you part of the victim story my ego wants to hold on to, the story
that insists I can’t move forward without you.
I want to rage and bellow like Pele devouring the earth.
“How DARE you force me to move on without you?
How dare you leave me when I was just getting my feet back onto firm ground?
Don’t you know I have plans, places to be, people to impress?
How DARE you not be there when I want you?
I NEED you so that I can be a somebody! ”
As I felt the fire rise up inside of me, I knew what I had to do.
I felt the hot magma of ancient, ancestral, volcanic ego-rage rise up in my belly,
burning up all of my insides.
My ego is dying. She is not happy about it.
She is a dark queen transformed into a fearsome dragon. Her stories are falling
apart all around her. They are her babies that she has nurtured and fed into horrible
gruesome things that cannot support an aligned, prosperous life. They are withering
under the bright light of my soul’s voice, unleashed. And I was the one that let it in.
Created my own initiation.
So she fights furiously inside of me until her very last breath, screaming
blood-curdlingly, “this is not fair! How dare you challenge me? How dare you ask
me to get into alignment?”
Clarity, my ego so desperately wants you.
She tells herself the story that when you arrive, she will then be able to create
the perfect life she is so attached to making happen.
She tells herself that when you arrive, she will move forward.
Until then, what I know I am called to do must be held back, must be suppressed,
must be held off.
Stay stuck until clarity comes.
Because the unknown is too frightening to step into fully, blind.
Ego wants guarantees.
She thinks clarity can be manipulated to give her a guarantee.
So I chase you, Clarity.
I spend a lot of money and pay experts to tell me where you might be hiding.
I go on spiritual quests, walk deserts without water and look for you under
every rock. I put my fate in the hands of others who tell me they can give me
the clarity I seek.
But I am still thirsty for you.
And my throat is burned with this anger at you for forcing me to go within and
find you. Because it seems so much easier to just put my clarity, my answers in
the hands of another. It feels so much easier to abdicate my personal responsibility
It feels less frightening to say “I’ll do what I’m really meant to do, I’ll listen to the
voice of my soul…but not until someday, when clarity arrives”.
It feels easier to pretend I’m looking for you by hiring all of these people outside
of me to tell me where you are, Clarity, so that I don’t have to actually face you
and be forced to face the things I know I’ll have to face in order for me to step into
what has always been there for me to do on this planet.
So I take myself on a self-imposed chase, when all along you have
been here, deeply encoded into my soul.
In the swirling embers of my belly, I feel Kali rising now, wearing her face of
fierce compassion, swinging her righteous sword at the multiple heads of my ego.
One by one, the dragon’s heads roll to the ground.
One by one, the stories go up in a pile of smoke.
One by one, the masks I am wearing are incinerated.
Kali’s fierce, blazing eyes of unconditional love pierce into mine.
She opens her swirling mouth of flames and says to me,
Clarity has never left you.
Clarity is not outside of you.
Clarity is your birthright and it lies in YOU.
Be brave. Look within. Do the work to access her.
Have the courage to listen to the whisperings of your soul.
Only then will you get the clarity you long for.
Only then will you finally rest within the calling you were meant for
and blaze forward into an aligned, truly prosperous existence.
And when you step into deep internal clarity, the code to your purpose
& prosperity will be unlocked.
This is the work for the truly dedicated.
This is the work for those who want to live their soul’s art.
This is the work for those who want to discover the meaning of true prosperity.
This is the work for those who want to leave a legacy on this earth.
This is the work who want to be aligned and so, truly free.
This is the work for those who are courageous enough to say yes to the
calling of their Soul.
And if that is you, this is your invitation, dear Brilliant soul.
The most beautiful, most financially accessible way to work with me that I
have ever created.
Because I’m tired of watching you question your own innate brilliance.
Doubt yourself, try to fit yourself into someone else’s mold.
I’m tired of watching you struggle and continue to tell yourself that someone else
has the answers, when the clarity and aligned confidence you seek is right there,
waiting to be accessed in your soul.
Clarity is not elusive.
It does not lie outside of you. All of the answers you need to know, to all of
the questions, lie inside of you.
You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.
You have to learn the practice of sitting in silence with your soul,
so that the clarity that lies within her can arise.
On one thing I am very clear.
You are who I am called to serve.
And I don’t have all the answers, let me be clear.
I’m not the expert you can use to fool yourself into believing that
the answers lie outside of you. I’m not going to hold that
kind of space for you.
I’m going to hold up the mirror for you to continuously look within to
your intuition every time you want to step out of yourself for the answers.
Imagine your life being guided from the deep, soul-aligned clarity
that you’ve been craving. Always knowing the right steps
for you when you’re faced with a difficult decision.
Being able to tell the difference between your soul and your ego.
What would that feel like?
So, love, this program is not about me giving you the answers.
It’s about me guiding you as priestess, as Seer, and holder of the space,
into you finding the clarity that already lies in your soul.
It’s about you living your life (and business) in alignment with
your truth. It’s about you stepping into true prosperity
in every area of your life.
Imagine right now what your life would feel like if you make every
decision in your life and business from that soul-aligned place.
Without self-doubt, without fear holding any part of you back.
What would be possible?
Who would you finally be?
What abundance could you draw in towards yourself?
I’ve created a space for you to finally do this beautiful work your soul
has been longing for and craving.
The invitation has arrived my love.
Will you finally take it?