A few weeks ago I was in the middle of a VIP Intensive Day with a client
when I heard her blurt out something that totally floored me.
We were reviewing her current business offerings and helping her create
something that felt more aligned with her unique gifts, instead of something
that she felt she had to do because some business coaching program told
her to or because some cookie cutter mold out there told her that would
convert to the highest sales. She was feeling frustrated because she didn’t
feel that her purpose was aligned with her business and what she REALLY
wanted to be doing with her coaching work, she was holding back.
When I asked her what she really, truly felt she was called to do, she told
me that one of those things was to write a book about her work. When
she told me the idea for the book I thought it was absolutely brilliant.
Total best-seller material. Yet she wasn’t doing it.
She was terrified to actually.
I knew it was time to do some belief re-patterning work (something I
often do in my intensives), so I asked her:
“Why are you not writing it? What is holding you back?”
“Lisa”, she told me, “I feel like there are other experts out there bigger than
me, smarter than me and with bigger followings who have probably said it
all before. And they have probably written better books than I ever could.
What would I have to offer? I just don’t feel I’m as good as they are, so
who would want to buy a book and hear what I have to say about it?”.
I couldn’t believe it.
Here was a woman who was brilliant at what she did, has some of the most
cutting-edge solutions in her chosen field that I have ever heard. She could
certainly write a book that would completely change our paradigm around
the topic she coaches around. Yet she was not doing it, because she had a
limiting belief that “other people out there were better than her, so why bother?”.
Have you ever heard yourself say this?
Most likely you have, because after working with over 2500 women, I have
helped most of them re-pattern this specific belief. It’s one of the most common
things I hear when I work with women to help them release the things that are
holding them back from truly living their purpose and making an impact in the world.
You want to know what I told her?
I told her my Angelina Jolie story.
Within a few weeks, her writer’s block (which had lasted 2 years) had been
vanquished, she was writing 8 pages a day and her business suddenly had
gone from no clients, to having to have a waiting list.
I’m sure now you’re wondering “what the heck is this story, Lisa?”
So I’m going to tell it to you.
A few years ago, I had a rampant addiction to gossip magazines.
I was working at a high-pressure corporate job in New York City in order to
pay my bills as I tried to make it as an actor & artist. It was not what I wanted
to do for eight hours a day, it was soul-sucking and I was often emotionally and
physically exhausted at the end of the work day.
The one day a week that I looked forward to the most, was the day that all the
gossip magazines would come out with their latest issue.
On that day every week, I would stop by the newsstand at Penn Station after work
and I would buy every single gossip magazine that had a new issue for that week.
Us Weekly, People, Star, Life & Style…you name it, I got it.
At the time it served as inspiration for me. I would look at the pictures of stars
in those glossy colorful spreads and imagine what my life would be like if I had
what they had. Somehow, I thought, if I soaked in these snapshots of their
lives, I would be able to manifest the abundance that I wanted in my life.
But it quickly devolved into something else entirely.
I became swept up in the glamour before me. The $20,000 dresses, the epic
relationships that took place on yachts all over the world, the accolades and
the awards…and I began to compare myself to what I saw in those shiny pages.
I knew all of the scandalous affairs, who was secretly in the closet, I borrowed all
the fashion and make-up tips from the magazines, followed the how-to’s for that famous
hairdo Julia Roberts wore on the red carpet and bought the beauty products that were
recommended. All so I could be more like them.
They whose lives were so much better than mine.
They who were so much better than me.
I started to feel really badly about my body for not being a size 0, my financial
situation because I wasn’t making $20 million dollars a year and everything else in
my life that wasn’t going the way I wanted it to be going.
I had put them on a pedestal, yes. But I was also simultaneously filled with envy.
I started to get bitter.
The low point came when I caught myself totally trashing a celebrity at the
dinner table with my family over Thanksgiving. An aunt of mine had mentioned
she loved a certain celebrity and I immediately whipped my head around and said
with anger in my voice, “well, let me tell you the TRUTH about that marriage,
that no one knows, it’s a total sham and for publicity only”.
She listened intently and then said to me kindly, “well, I hope that one day, when
you are in their position, that someone doesn’t talk about you at the dinner table
that way. Remember, they are people, too”. Hot shame filled my face.
She was absolutely right.
That night I went home and did my usual search for celebrity gossip to distract
myself from the embarrassment I felt and by accident I found an article about
how the “hollywood glam” publicity machine got started in the first place.
What I’m about to reveal will shock you.
Turns out that way back when, when movies were still black and white, studio
executives were looking for a way to boost movie sales and bring in more money.
They decided to create the entire “hollywood glam” image on purpose.
They commanded their actors under contract to dress a certain way, the more
pompous the better. Everything became a show, the dresses, the cars, the
epic romances. And the “star” was born.
The studio executives did this because they knew about an interesting psychological
thing that we humans tend to do–when we are not listening to our desires and are
unhappy with what we have, we compare ourselves to other people and think
that they are better than us. (The grass is always greener…)
We look at others who seem to have lives that are more perfect than ours and
we want to be like them, to escape from ours.
We hate them because they reflect back to us what we don’t have.
We love them because they reflect back to us what we wish we could have.
So, like moths to the flame, we keep coming back for more–
even if it makes us feel crappy.
They purposely created an illusion to highlight our core insecurity of “I’m not
good enough,someone out there is better than me” because they believed that
people would pay more money to go and see people who did have the idyllic life
they wished they had.
And it worked.
The film industry’s revenues went through the roof and the rest is history.
I couldn’t believe it!
I had a magazine on my bed, where I was sitting, open to a picture of Angelina Jolie.
I stared at her perfectly shaped eyes, her full lips, her creamy skin, her gorgeous dress.
I looked into her eyes and I saw something I hadn’t seen before.
A human being.
Who looked kind of tired actually.
And in that instant, the illusion completely shattered.
From that point on I realized, that everyone who I thought was “better than me” or had
a “better life”, was no different than me. They put their pants on the same way I did
every morning. They had the same kinds of insecurities and issues that I had.
They possessed nothing “better” than I did. It was all an illusion.
And I realized, that all those years of devouring gossip magazines, I had basically
been doing that as an excuse to not have to really face what I really wanted to do.
It was the perfect way to fend off the fears of really getting connected to what I knew
was my purpose and then actually taking action towards it.
It was so much easier to compare myself to other people and make the excuse
that they were successful because they had some luck I didn’t have. And as a
result, do nothing to move forward in living in my purpose.
So I called bullshit on myself.
And I purposely stopped buying those magazines.
Because I no longer wanted to feed into the illusion that anyone is “better” than me.
And instead I wanted to save all of that precious energy to focus on my dreams,
my goals and finally do that thing I knew I was put here on this planet to do.
And it worked.
A few years later I had a successful coaching business that was making six figures.
I quit my job.
I traveled around the world.
I was free.
Now, make no mistake about it.
I worked my ass off to get to where I am.
Being an entrepreneur, having your own business, or building the life you dream of
requires devotion, dedication and deep connection to your purpose.
But the most important thing I did, and the most important thing that my VIP Intensive
Day client did, was to detox that silly belief that other people out there are “better”.
There’s simply no such thing.
The minute I and my clients did that, we started to own our unique gifts.
And that allowed us to confidently step out into the world and offer what we had to
offer. And people respond to that type of energy.
When my clients re-pattern this belief with me in our time together, they are UNSTOPPABLE.
So, my question for you today is this:
Where in your life are you making yourself less than?
Where are you wasting time, distracting yourself from what you know you must do,
by comparing yourself to people with “better websites than yours”, “prettier hair”
or “more fame”.
Will you quit that already?
Shatter the illusion once and for all and get to work.
The world is waiting for you.
With profound devotion,
Life Detox for women on the edge of liberation
ps: I’m happy to report that ALL of the VIP Intensive Day slots that I offered last week
have sold out. But I still have several people on a waiting list asking for me to
open up more spots. So, by popular demand, I’ve decided to open up 12
more spots until the end of the year for VIP Intensive Days with me.
If you’d like to re-pattern the beliefs that are holding you back and create a
business and life in alignment with your deepest purpose, simply hit “reply”
to this email, or email firstname.lastname@example.org to book a chat with
me, and we’ll see if it’s a good fit for both of us.