There I was, on the phone with my friend Dyana a few months ago,
talking about an old flame I had recently reconnected with.
I had exchanged a few emails with him and I had been the last one to write,
but it had been well over a week since I had heard back.
As she listened to me ramble on about the variety of reasons for his lack of
response, all the excuses I was providing for his disappointing lack of engagement,
her words cut through the silence spaces in between the words like a sword.
Cleanly, efficiently and fiercely loving, as truth often does.
“Bottom line, he’s not meeting you where you are ready to be met right now.
He’s not showing up like you are and frankly, you deserve more than that.”
I let the words hang in the air for a moment. And then they began to reverberate down
through the gauzy layers of my mind, through the soft tissues in my body and finally
landed in my very cells, where they lit up bright and golden, unleashing light everywhere
in my body.
Truth, when it resonates, needs no words.
It just is.
And this golden beam of my friend’s deep seeing had just pierced through a blindness
that I didn’t even know that I had.
I had never thought of viewing my relationships through that lens.
The concept of “being fully met”.
We’ve all learned and applied the concepts of cutting toxic people out of our
lives, setting healthy boundaries and surrounding ourselves with people who
truly want the best for us.
But through the lens of making sure that we’re being fully met, we gain much
more subtle insight into what things in our lives are truly energizing us and what
is actually silently draining us. Let me explain…
In 2013 my business hit its first multi-six figures. Everything was gaining
momentum and things were going great, but I noticed towards the end of the
year, I started to feel burned out.
At first I assumed it was a sign that I really needed a business model change.
My 1:1 coaching practice was maxed out, everything was selling out and I had
just launched my first digital program, Impact™ to roaring success. So I made
the changes I thought would bring me my energy back.
But by the end of 2014, I was shocked to find I was feeling more burned out
than the year before. It didn’t make any sense—I had made the business model
changes and I had a lot more space in my schedule.
After my conversation with Dyana that fateful day, I realized in a flash that the
problem wasn’t my schedule. The problem was being fully energetically met by
the structures, people and environments I was exposing myself to.
Being fully met means the energy you are putting out there, is coming
back to you. Being met is a constant loop of nurturing energy.
These are the basic laws of entropy in our universe.
Think of what happens when you put your hand up to a cold window pane.
When two objects of different temperatures touch, energy flows between the
two objects until both objects become the same temperature.
Energy seeks balance.
When you’re not being met by the same amount energy that flows out of you, you begin
to develop power leaks. Energy is flowing out, but an equal amount of energy is not
flowing back in.
Spring enough power leaks and energetic burnout occurs.
So many change-makers come to work with me because they are burned out.
So many clients come to work with and tell me “I feel like I am doing everything by
myself and I just want to feel a hand on my back holding space for me. I feel like
I’m holding everything and everyone and no one is holding me”.
If you’re feeling this way—consider asking yourself “are the people, structures,
relationships & systems in my life set up in such a way that they can meet me
with the same force of energy with which I am meeting them?”
When you’re fully met in your relationships, you walk away feeling energized and
nourished by your interactions.
When you’re fully met by your business model, you’re being supported by it
instead of being a slave to it.
When you’re fully met by the people you’re working with, you could spend 4
hours talking to your client, several times a week and never feel drained.
When you’re fully met by your team, everyone is playing to their excellence,
as passionate about your vision as you are and you’re not constantly having to
pull people up or micro-manage them.
When I asked every area of my life this question, “am I being fully met?” after my
conversation with Dyana, I was surprised to discover that I had subtle power leaks
all over my life.
So, out went the relationships with people I was constantly giving advice to but
that never had the capability to support me.
In came relationships with people who met me with the same level of devotion
and uplifting energetic frequency.
Out went relationships with friends who were constantly triggered by my success.
Out went keeping myself small in subtle little ways so that I wouldn’t upset them.
In came relationships with people who were as happy for my success as they
would be for their own.
Out went the team members who weren’t pulling their weight, weren’t committed
fully to the company vision or who required vast amounts of energy from me to
manage their volatile emotions.
Instead, I hired a new team that wanted to meet me in the zone of excellence,
instead of the zone of mediocrity. As a result, I started waking up really excited to
log on and communicate with them on our latest projects and for the first time in
the 5 years I’ve been running my business, I felt the support and motivation from
my team that I had always wanted.
Out went the clients who never fully showed up to their commitments, didn’t
participate in their transformation or expected me to give them all the answers.
In came a new, bold policy where I tell all potential clients that I only work with
people who are all in for truly co-creating their transformation, while valuing
And yes…out went my communications with that guy.
I send him lots of love and he’s a lovely person, but Dyana was right—wherever
he is in his life right now, he is simply not ready to meet me where I desire to be met.
And that’s okay.
You don’t have to be bitter about people not meeting you where you’re ready to be met.
Everyone has a right to their process and sometimes, people just aren’t there yet.
This is not about having a tit-for-tat mentality or keeping track of what people are
doing for you. All relationships have ebbs and flows, where one person is giving
more than the other for periods of time and vice versa.
What you do have control over is how you set up your world so that you’re fully met.
What you do have control over is sealing up your power leaks by cutting the chords
to anything that is not meeting you with the full force you put out into the Universe.
You know what happens when you do this?
Your burnout ends.
Mine did. As soon as I cut the chords on those relationships where I was doing
all the mentoring and supporting, I suddenly felt like my relationships with the
people who DO meet me fully, deepened. I felt more supported than I ever have.
As soon as I got rid of the team members who were not on board for excellence,
caring about my wellbeing or committed to the vision of the company, I felt a huge
energetic boulder lift from my shoulders and years of my leaked energy came
back to me.
As soon as I got rid of the clients who did not care to show up for themselves as
fully as I was showing up for them, I got a rush of incredible, motivated clients
that I was excited to support.
In the end, it’s you who determines whether or not you’re going to continue
to allow the power leaks in your life to drain you.
It’s you who says “enough is enough” and cuts the cords that are leaking your
vital life force energy all over the place and preventing you from unleashing your
light in the world.
Because you were meant to shine.
And you deserve to be fully met.
So tell me in the comments below what chords you’re cutting this week to get
your power & energy back? And if you have a friend who could greatly use
some help with their power leaks, make sure you share this with them.