lisa fabrega
Is it just me or have you seen some really strange and “out of left field” behavior coming out of people lately?
Scratch that. I know it’s not me. It’s something I keep hearing from everyone.
I’ve also seen some people who I thought were pretty stable and solid-at-the-core get REALLY thrown off their balance and do some silly, irrational things. Making poor decisions. Obsessing about petty things. Or acting downright out of character.
A few weeks ago, I had to spend an hour on the phone calming down a normally solid client who had gotten way too wrapped up in the conspiracy theories and was really paralyzed in fear.
But, hey, we’re in the middle of a global pandemic and a necessary racial & civil rights upheaval. So it’s not a surprise these times are challenging us in new ways.
What do I know about stressful events that are full of “unknowns”? They’re times that reveal to us where our worst capacity gaps are.
These are the capacity gaps that hide in the shadows and are slowly sabotaging us behind the scenes. They’re the ones that lead to something blowing up in your face or a huge plateau.
Which means if you have the smart foresight to face and CLOSE those gaps during this time (instead of throwing the same ol’ solutions at them), this can also be an excellent time to grow–both yourself as a leader AND your business.
One of the biggest things I see happening right now is people REGRESSING in their capacity. People who I KNOW to have capacity, acting as if they forgot they have any.
But this can be SO sneaky. Covert stress, stress that we’re not fully aware of, can cause us to act out in subtle ways that are in our blind spots. And consequently, when we act from this place of covert stress, we can end up making poor decisions for our careers/businesses and also damage important business or life relationships.
So how do you know if you’re having a capacity regression? Take the below quiz and see which ones you can check off.
BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. Don’t BS yourself on this. This is important.
Capacity Regression Quiz
Have you found yourself getting super nit-picky about stupid details in your contracts with contractors who have always been generous with you?
Are you noticing yourself getting nitty gritty about “what you’re getting for your money” with services you pay for?
Are you getting into “tit for tat” dynamics over what you’re getting in exchange for an investment?
Are you getting grabby, finding yourself fearful you’re going to “get taken advantage of” by a person who has always been in integrity with you in their agreements?
Are you engaging in underhanded or catty actions instead of just coming right out and asking for what you want?
Pitching a fit over not getting EXACTLY what you want, when normally you wouldn’t really care that much?
Getting good, direct constructive criticism from a trusted peer or coach and instead of taking it in, getting defensive and ghosting them?
Are you going into avoidance, hoping for the issues coming up for you to “get better when this all goes away”?
Are you engaging in power dynamics, trying to place yourself “above” someone else, or “outwit” them, or control something they’re arranging for you so they “know who’s boss” when you normally don’t operate like that?
Getting people in your life or team to do extra work for you that isn’t necessary because you feel out of control and need something to micromanage?
Are you splitting hairs over stupid, tiny things with people who have been incredibly generous to you?
Are you treating your coach’s support team like your own personal assistants and asking them to do things for you that aren’t their job to do? (Yeah, I had a client who had a participant in one of her programs email her assistant and ask her assistant to create an “outline of the class” for her. The gall! Low-capacity behavior.)
Or getting grabby with money and making sure you’re getting what you paid for in a very excessive manner, down to the last cent and detail? (That’s a money capacity issue and is super low vibration behavior around money that will repel it from you.)
Getting worked up and incensed by things that normally wouldn’t do that to you?
BE HONEST with yourself. If you’re doing any version of these things, no matter how tiny, you’re experiencing a capacity regression.
I once saw a woman in an airport in Hawaii have a complete meltdown that needed airport security called because the gate agent told her she would have to check her bag. I could tell she was tired and had been flying for a long while before that. The tiredness and the lack of capacity clashed and created a HUGE mess where she got banned from that airline AND almost got put in jail. Not to mention all the airline employees who were just doing their jobs who had to put up with her violence.
This story is a perfect example of what happens when you haven’t worked on your capacity or aren’t prioritizing it during times of crisis. You sabotage yourself royally.
Behaving in any of the above ways will only make the stress worse for you. Your team members may quit on you because you’re not showing up as a rock of stability and capacity for them and are overtaxing them with nitpicky BS. Now you’re alone without enough support to keep your business running.
You could seriously burn bridges with mentors and coaches who have always supported you generously. I’ll tell you for myself personally, if I’ve been super generous with a client and they show no gratitude, get demanding or nitpicky about stupid, inconsequential things, suddenly complain about me going on vacation and me “not being available” when I’ve showed up for every call with them or ANYTHING like that…
they’re not getting any extra generosity from me anymore. That’s entitlement and lack of gratitude. No one wants to keep giving to someone who acts like that. And I will not. I’m not a free for all buffet nor am I available for that.
When your capacity is on point you don’t need to micromanage other people.
When your capacity is flourishing you don’t exhibit the behaviors above.
So if you were truly honest with yourself and saw yourself in any of the above, you need to work on your capacity.
I’m telling you all of this because in the United States and in other parts of the world, COVID cases are spiking. We are nowhere NEAR the worst it’s going to get. Your capacity is going to be doubly challenged come fall.
If you’re already struggling with a capacity regression, you’ve GOT to take care of this and come back to balance and/or BUILD A BIGGER CAPACITY CONTAINER NOW before this other wave (which will be much worse) hits.
If you’re ready to do that and you want to be smart about protecting your assets, navigating this crisis smoothly, and you want to do some REAL work that produces real, lifelong results in your capacity for receiving MORE…
Fill out the Capacity Discovery form right here. Once I review your application, if I think I can help, we can hop on the phone and discuss the best fit for you. I have programs that start at only $375 a month, so there’s a little something for everyone, even with varying budgets.