I felt a hot wave of shame rush over my throat and chest as she said it. “Lisa, I think you need to watch how you say things in front of them. The kinds of questions you ask make you look like an amateur and you wouldn’t want them to get that impression of you, now would you? You need to maintain an ‘image’ so they ‘respect you’.” For a few seconds I was embarrassed. But after sitting with it for a few hours, I began to see that “advice” given to me by a successful colleague as part of a larger problem.