Picture of me and clients in tea ceremony at a Capacity Retreat in my home.
Last week I was scrolling through my Instagram account and I came across a series of posts from quite a few different women about the same topic: things falling apart or unraveling in their lives & businesses.
Just a few months ago, as I was speaking with a woman who’d joined my new program, Capacity Shift, she shared with me she’d built up a successful business as a translator for big brands/corporations. But in the last year, she’d started to feel out of alignment with it.
This REALLY piqued my curiosity.
Right on cue with her growing feeling of misalignment, many of her big clients who made up the bulk of her income fell away in one form or the other.
I heard this at least five times from women who decided to work with me recently. “I have a $200,000 launch every year and this year no one signed up! Feels like everything is falling apart and something needs to change” or “this was my flagship program for years and now no one seems interested in it. Feels like it’s time to create something new”.
There’s a lot of transition happening for many of you this year. Believe it or not, it’s a good thing. It might “look” like it’s the end of your world. Yet, often, it’s the Universe nudging you towards a change you’ve been refusing to make.
Having capacity in an “everything seems to be falling apart” situation often looks like being able to see what is REALLY happening.
Instead of getting triggered, going into a panic and freaking out over things falling apart, or convincing yourself this is “proof” everyone gets to have what they want except you…what would happen if you viewed those things falling apart as your higher self bringing you into greater INTEGRITY with yourself?
In my 41 years on the planet so far, I’ve observed something curious about integrity: everything in our world is calibrated to move towards it.
Integrity means to be “impeccable”. The literal translation of “impeccable” means “without sin”. I’m not talking about “sin” from the perspective of an angry, old, white, man-god in the sky.
The “sin” here is not being in alignment with who you truly came here to be. The “sin” is discarding or ignoring important pieces of yourself by not being WHOLLY who you are and not letting us SEE FULLY who you are in your work. That’s the only “sin” I’m talking about here.
When we’re not BEING and TAKING ACTION AS the person we actually came here to be… we’re out of integrity. And being out of integrity means you’re out of alignment.
Falling out of alignment sneaks up on us in a million different ways. We live in a world that constantly programs us with the belief that we’re broken and not good enough. Then, we feel pressured to talk, act or show up in a certain “way” in order to be accepted.
We end up unconsciously posturing or “performing capacity” to be accepted. We create masks to hide our full light because we think this’ll gain us more validation, love or acceptance. We think these personas we create will bring us more followers, likes or money.
And you know what? It might work for a while. I’ve helped many women who’d built businesses up to the millions through hiding who they really were. But at some point, it crashes. And clients fall away, things unravel and careers & businesses fall apart. That’s when they come to do the capacity work.
Because when we’re not BEING who we really are in the world, we’re essentially saying to ourselves on a subtle level that who we are isn’t enough.
That’s when we start to doubt our instincts in business or relationships. That’s when we put time, money and effort into some offering an “expert coach” told us to create and no one signs up. Or we build something we now feel trapped by.
I’ve seen people teaching things they’ve just learned as if they’d been studying and embodying it for decades. This is a form of posturing.
Relationship coaches parading their brand new relationships into “tantric power couple” courses that teach people “how to find lifetime partners” when they aren’t in a truly tested lifetime partnership. Or people who are in the early honeymoon phase of their relationships teaching others about “long-lasting sexual connection”…
I’ve met men’s coaches who are teaching men how to attract high-quality women, yet they themselves don’t know how to behave in front of a high-quality woman nor attract her. I’ve actually seen a few of these “men’s coaches” be quite manipulative and misogynistic towards women.
I’ve experienced business coaches who haven’t even made $30,000 in revenue claiming they can teach people to make a million. Or people who just learned how to use a tarot deck launch programs on how to be fully embodied priestesses…
In all of these cases, I’ve watched all of these situations eventually unravel.
The “tantric power couple” relationships fall apart after so much posturing over their brand new relationship being an “example” to be “followed” when really they were just attracted to each other’s wounds and reliving trauma stories masked as attraction and romance.
The “men’s coach’s” business fails to earn enough money because deep down he knows he’s not yet qualified to teach this.
The business coach gets exposed or writes the vulnerable tell-all blog or Instagram post.
Now, hear me: I’m NOT passing judgment when I hold up this mirror.
I truly believe all of the people in the examples I mentioned above don’t do this maliciously or even consciously, most of the time. If you’re reading this, seeing yourself in any of this and going “ouch”, please know I’m not judging you. I’ve done the same many times in my life. We all have.
We end up doing things like this because this is the terrible gift white supremacist, toxic patriarchal, societal beliefs have instilled into all of us.
The biggest of these beliefs is that we have to be something other than who we are because who we are is “inherently broken.” This is the lie that says we must always leave ourselves, our wholeness–our integrity– in order to be worthy of receiving love, approval, likes, and money.
Whatever we create from this lie falls apart. Always.
Because it’s not the natural order of anything alive to be out of integrity for long. The truth always comes out. And the masks you’ve worn to mask the deep sense of inadequacy the patriarchy taught you was “normal”, fall off.
And now you have a golden chance to truly be who you were called to be, to be in integrity and alignment with your TRUE self, show us your FULL face and be authentic about your journey.
THAT is just about the most magnetic “marketing tool” you could ever possess. And being able to STAND FULLY in who you really are, without posturing or twisting yourself in any tiny way to be “acceptable”–that’s capacity.
The unraveling you’re going through is an opportunity to build your capacity to be TRULY visible, exactly as you are. No masks. No pretending. Just you. And you, in your current state, ARE enough. No hiding needed.
Some people miss this golden chance and go right back to creating another mask or business built on posturing. It’s hard to face this within ourselves, I get it. I worked with a woman once who created four different businesses before she found me. It’s easier to run away and create something new and misaligned as a distraction. But that’s like using duct tape to fix something which needs to actually be replaced—it’s only temporary, it’s not a real fix.
But I’m writing this confrontational piece to you now so you don’t miss your chance to build TRUE capacity for what you were actually put here to do on this planet. If your business or career is falling apart, this is a golden opportunity to do this right and with capacity, not just empty strategies that may or may not be aligned with the true YOU.
If you’re in an unraveling right now… If you feel as though you’ve been “exposed” or your business, relationship or anything else is falling apart, I want you to know:
It’s just the great love that binds all things bringing you back into your own integrity…in all the places you were out of it and not being honest with yourself and others.
It’s just the fierce compassion of the Universe calling you out and away from the broken cycle of needing to be someone you’re not in order to be successful.
All of it is you being brought back into integrity with all the ways you’ve been out of it for so long.
And if you’re willing to let go of your stories and face yourself raw and naked in the mirror… AND you’re willing to let the false stories of your “fragility” or “inability to handle it all” fall away…
If you’re willing to put down the masks being forcibly removed by the Universe and STOP looking for another mask to wear…
You might just find yourself whole and in integrity again. And in that wholeness, there is no BS. Just truth. That’s when what you want can actually fully come into your life.
You just might find the truth of the FULL you is not just “good enough” but actually glorious. And things will stop unraveling and falling apart constantly as the universe seeks to bring you back into recalibration with your wholeness.
My prayer for you is that you finally stand in this truth and stop posturing capacity.
Because the more in integrity you are with yourself and the more you stop doing the twisty-turny things to be “accepted”, the more success you’ll actually have.
And the ability to allow yourself to be fully seen as you are in your work, the ability to learn from times when things fall apart and cooly, calmly KNOW in your bones this is just an opening (not a punishment or a sign of your impending doom)…
That’s all capacity.
And building this kind of capacity is WAY more important to your success than buying yet another misaligned strategy to follow.
Cause it’s not your strategy, it’s your capacity.
In Love and Capacity,
Ps: If you’re wondering HOW to build capacity like this for the next level of your growth, wealth and success, Leave a comment here and let me know what your current capacity challenges are. I’d love to see if I can help.
Pps: and did you know I now have a program where you can work with me on expanding your capacity for less than $400 a month? Leave a comment if you want to know more.