They don’t mean you well


lisa fabrega

You might have seen a few days ago that I was featured in Forbes this week. I was interviewed on the Four Reasons You’re Afraid To Be The Face Of Your Brand and shared my top four tips on how to get over that fear and own your visibility.

This was a happy accomplishment for me. I’ve been dreaming of being in Forbes for a few years. And y’all know how important Capacity Work™ is, so I wanted even more people to be exposed to and helped by it. 

Especially now, when so many NEED more capacity to navigate this new, unknown world and come out of it thriving. So when the article came out, I was thrilled.

Now, in such an instance, most people would probably share this with their families with pride and rejoice. But I didn’t. 

In fact, apart from sharing it online within my community (which is A LOT of people) and with close friends, only two members of my family got sent a link to the article.

The reason why has EVERYTHING to do with Capacity. Particularly, Emotional and Boundary Capacity.

A few years ago I had a client whose partner was very jealous of her. If she earned more money than him one month, he’d suddenly accuse her of not wanting to spend enough time with himhe . If she had a mention in the media and got recognition, he’d find some little thing like her forgetting to do the dishes that night and make it all about “her caring about her career more than their marriage.”

My client soon realized, with great heartache, that her own husband was not fully supportive of her growth because of challenges he was experiencing in his own business.

As a result, there was a small part of her that always would unconsciously hold back from shining FULLY because she was afraid when she did that, it would destroy her marriage.

Thankfully, with capacity work, she was able to have a serious conversation with him and he saw the error of his ways.

But not everyone can see how they’re being unsupportive. Not everyone has the CAPACITY to energetically support you. 

And I’ve learned the hard way to be very selective about sharing your wins and goals with those people- because they can seriously impact your ability to move forward in ways you don’t even see.

Yesterday one of the women who came to the Capacity In Crisis workshop last week signed up to work with me in the Capacity Shift™️ program (where you can work with me for less than $400 a month).

One of her reasons for signing up was this: “Lisa, you own who you are, take no sh$t and have no apologies for your shine. I want to expand those qualities in myself.”

That was hard earned. 

Because growing up I had MANY people around me who didn’t (and still don’t) support me energetically and who have secretly harbored resentment over my accomplishments. Many were in my family. 

Several years ago, when I was experiencing a business revenue plateau, I even realized that as a child, I had unknowingly created “energetic agreements” with a few members of my family that I “wasn’t allowed to ever surpass them.”

So when I grew to the point I was going to surpass them, or got a media mention that would mean I “surpassed them” visibility-wise … I would unconsciously sabotage in tiny ways that would create a revenue or visibility plateau.

I realized in order to break those agreements I had to be extremely selective about who I shared accomplishments with. Because if I DIDN’T share it with them, I wouldn’t get sucked into that unhealthy dynamic again. And I would avoid playing small.

To this day, whenever I’m getting to know someone, if they start to make slightly passive aggressive comments about how much money I make or how visible I am, or I sense ANY part of them threatened or triggered by my success, I don’t put any more energy into that relationship and move on.

And no, this isn’t about “not trusting myself enough” or “operating out of fear.”

It’s about having good Emotional and Boundary Capacities™️ as a leader.

In order to keep expanding our capacity for more growth, wealth and impact we have to be MASTERS OF OUR ENERGY. That means we have to be meticulous about WHO we allow into our sphere of influence.

And you have NO idea how many women come to work with me drained, burned out and thinking the problem is their “business model” when in fact they have dozens of people in their sphere sucking them dry and holding them down with all sorts of little unconscious, unspoken energetic “agreements” to stay small.

Do you know how much ENERGY it takes you on a subconscious level to manage all those little agreements day by day? TONS. 

And then you wonder why you’re tired, foggy-headed, plateauing or unclear?

What might you accomplish if you redirected all that wasted energy you spend battling unconscious agreements with naysayers, towards something you’re passionate about?

So, when the Forbes article came out, I decided exactly who in my personal sphere I would share the info with. A select few close friends and only two members of my family made it. People I know would be genuinely thrilled and text back ZERO passive aggressively jealous comments in return.

I’ve been bombarded with love and support and it has nourished me and fueled me to go further and keep reaching higher. 

But all of this is to say- it’s okay to keep some cards close to your chest. NOT out of fear or hiding your magnificence. But instead out of DISCERNMENT and master-level energetic self care.

Don’t give your precious jewels to people who won’t appreciate them and drain your energy.

That’s what top notch leaders do to grow and keep expanding their capacity.

Did this land? Comment below and let me know.