Tinder drama


lisa fabrega

There’s this funny thing that happens on dating apps… I always notice that the people who put “no drama” or a “drama-free” person in their profiles are the people who are the BIGGEST drama queens/kings. Ever notice that?

When I was in my twenties, I used to do the same thing. I’d talk up a storm about how I didn’t understand why drama was so attracted to me, I just wanted to be at peace!

But as I went on my personal development journey, I realized I was the one who caused 95% of my own drama. Either through my own lack of emotional capacity at the time or through attracting people who loved drama to give me the drama fix.

One of the biggest ways I used to create drama for myself was how freaked out I would get whenever I had strong emotions rise up or I got triggered. 

Think about this for a moment: it’s bad enough to get triggered by something mean or rude someone said. But now picture that on top of your trigger, you’re also freaking out about having the trigger. 

It’s like piling suffering on top of suffering. I’d make it wrong and stressful that I was triggered, and that would just intensify the uncomfortable emotions I was already feeling. 

I could have ended the turmoil sooner if I’d just learned to NOT make having strong emotions “wrong”, accepted it’s part of life to have strong emotions and sat with the feelings ’til they passed. 

One of the rare things no one really talks to you about when you have a business/career you’re ready to take over the world with, is this: how important your emotional capacity is to your success.

And one of the biggest ways I see clients block themselves & inhibit their growth, wealth and impact is not taking the time to expand their emotional capacity while they’re expanding their empires. 

It’s often the LAST thing we look at because we’re told we need to “hustle” and only invest time & money into the “metrics” like our revenue projections or our business systems. While you’re focusing solely on business strategies, funnels and/or Facebook ads, your emotional capacity stays stuck in the same place. 

Until you get to the point where, in order to grow to the next level, you HAVE to bring your emotional capacity up to par with your business savvy. If you can’t, you’re not going to move the needle. And you’ll wonder why you’re plateauing or things feel so much harder now.

A few years ago, a client (let’s call her “Maureen”) hired me because she was tired of “all the drama” that kept “happening to her” in her business. In her words, everything always feels like a roller coaster, when does this end?

When I first met her, she boasted to me about her multiple six figure revenue. But when she let her guard down she told me that behind the scenes those revenue numbers were the result of a lot of stress.

She was constantly in a state of feast or famine. One month she’d make $30,000 and feel like she was on top of the world….and the next she’d make $7,000 and not sleep well for two weeks straight trying to figure out how to pay the bills that month.

Every time something would go wrong in a launch it would send her into a tailspin. Every time a relationship in her life experienced a hiccup, she’d stress about it for days. If she happened to attract a nightmare client she’d spin out and write me loooong emails about how stressful this was and how she wanted it to stop. Whyyyy was this happening to her? Whyyy did she have to deal with drama?

She’d make such a BIG drama ABOUT the small drama, she’d get distracted by every shiny object to “fix her” from having strong emotions  and then she’d pull the focus off stabilizing her cash flow. 

I finally pointed this out to her as the source of her feast or famine cycle. And then I told her the reason she felt stressed all the time is she made having strong emotions a “bad thing” that needed to be “fixed.”

What she was really saying was “I want to have ZERO stress, ZERO hiccups and 100% peace all the time.”

That’s literally impossible. That’s not life. Even if you keep yourself “drama free”, life always hands you a rude person, a tech glitch in the middle of a launch or a rogue team member who makes a big mistake.

It’s perfectly NORMAL to have a strong emotion about this. That doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something “wrong” that should stress you out even further. There will literally never be a time when you don’t have emotions come up about things that go awry in your life or work. What matters is how we handle the emotions. 

Have you considered that by making your emotions “wrong things that need to be fixed” you only make them worse and perpetuate the problem?

How about you simply learn to be okay with having emotions about something, feeling them, being with them and keep moving forward?

I know, sounds easier said than done. But that’s exactly why I work on emotional capacity with my clients. 

Emotional capacity makes you unafraid of strong feelings, which allows you to ride the waves of emotion calmly and process quickly. It also gives you the ability to keep control of your emotions so that they don’t lead you to make bad decisions that create feast or famine cycles for you.

Maybe you “attracted it” because you need to work on your inner child. And maybe that’s just part of doing business sometimes- sh$t happens. Both are valid. Learning to tell the difference between the two so you don’t unnecessarily create more drama for yourself is Emotional Capacity™️.

Maureen and I worked on this capacity for a year. By the end, she’d stabilized her monthly earnings. And she was no longer afraid of emotions “taking over” her common sense in business decisions. She even attracted a great romantic partner who was TRULY drama-free.

She was finally enjoying her work for the first time after years of “hustling.”  Now THAT’s something a business strategy/ist is never going to teach you.

Cause it’s not your strategy. It’s your capacity.

Are you ready to up level your emotional capacity to match the level of success you want? We’ve got lots of ways for you to do that with me. Programs to work with me on your capacity start at only $375 a month. Click here and let’s see if we’re a good fit for each other.