when self-care is sabotage


lisa fabrega

A few years ago, I accomplished a years-long dream: I booked five days at a luxurious suite in Santorini, Greece. I had the whole image in my head for YEARS. I wanted one of those suites I always saw on Instagram with the private hot tubs overlooking the caldera of the volcano.

So, I booked two retreats for clients in Santorini (one for my Capacity Circle mastermind and the other a private 1:1 client retreat) and in between I sandwiched my own “self-care” vacation.

It was GLORIOUS. Every morning they brought me an amazing, fresh healthy breakfast. I got to eat it overlooking these fabulous views.

And I spent five days swimming in my private hot tub, eating great food, reading… and talking to my coach and meeting with my team as part of my own capacity expansion work. 

Yes, THAT was part of my self-care. Working on my capacity by maintaining my focus on my business. Hearing that, most people would say I didn’t do self-care correctly. They’re wrong.

There’s this peculiar thing I notice happens every summer. It’s one of the sneakiest self-sabotaging behaviors I’ve ever seen in ten years of doing this work with thousands of people. 

The summer kicks in and they think it means taking a break from expanding their capacity and dropping ALL of their support systems and kind of checking out of their businesses. And they confuse that with self care. It’s not.⁣

Here’s how I notice people sabotaging in the name of fake self care:

  • Going from eating in alignment with their body’s needs to eating junk food for three months straight. (aka “I deserve to eat all the food that makes me feel like crap because vacation!”)
  • Allowing the kids’ summer schedule to totally take over your life while you abandon your own needs entirely. (aka “I’ll just use my kids schedule to avoid doing the deeper work I know I need to do to get to my next level come autumn.”)
  • Moving your body and exercising in ways that make your mind feel sharp and ready to tackle any issue in your business. (aka “eff it, it’s the summer so I deserve to not have to exercise at all!”)
  • Just when you’re starting to get momentum in your business or career, you slow down, scale back and put the coaching program you were a part of on pause or stop it entirely (aka “I’m tired! Don’t I deserve a break from all this work to “integrate” but deep down you know you’re not going to integrate anything and instead fall off track for three months.) 

Removing your support systems during the summer is NOT self care. It’s self-sabotage

It’s also the easiest way to be poorly set up for the fall. It means when fall hits, you’ll have to come back in shock to a sh$t ton of work and “hustle”. You’ll spend months getting your mental and physical health back to where it was before the summer after three months of totally ignoring it with the fake self care excuse. 

You’ll have to come back to a program or product launch that is going to stress you and your team OUT because you didn’t do much work to ease into it after the summer.you have to work twice as hard to catch up in the fall.⁣

You’ll have a personal crisis and spend months trying to remember who you are and what you want because you spent your whole summer ignoring yourself and only focusing on your family and kids. That’s a recipe for burnout, actually. And YOU deserve some of your attention, too. 

Self care isn’t about saying FUCK IT to all the things that keep your engine and spirit running. It’s about having the proper support systems in place. 

So summer, when you might have more time off, is the perfect time to actually LEAN IN to your capacity work. It’s the time to strengthen your support systems. 

Especially if you have kids at home and/or the usual summer vacation / staycation hectic-ness. That’s when you MOST need capacity. Having capacity means you’ll be way less run-ragged and less far behind when the fall comes around.⁣

Some of my most successful launches and money-making months have been during the summer. Why? Because everyone is falling for the “self- sabotage under the guise of self care” routine. That means ad costs are cheaper, less people are selling things. There’s more space to see and hear you.

The summer is also an excellent time to keep “seeding” your community of people with hints of what’s to come. And while you might not be full-on launching something, you could be preparing them over three months to be ready for the next amazing thing you’re offering that will change their lives.

You could continue building on your momentum you worked SO HARD to build at the beginning of the year, while enjoying time off… instead of saying eff it and stopping all your hard-earned momentum in its tracks. 

You could be working on your Capacity all summer long so that when the end of summer comes around, you’ve ALREADY built the capacity to go to your next level of growth, wealth and impact. Then you’re READY to hold, handle and receive it, instead of having to start that work in the fall when you’ll already be behind.

Especially this year, when we’re most likely going to get a second wave of COVID-19 which will be much worse than the first wave. Do you want to be prepared and already ahead of the curve cause you’ve BEEN working on your capacity? Or do you want to be scrambling and freaking out again?

Capacity work is not about “adding more work to your plate” or piling things onto your “to do” list. Capacity work is different than what you’ve done before. It compliments everything you’re doing AND it increases your capacity so that your work starts to feel more like joy and ease, instead of burnout.

That’s why, by the time my five days of vacation in Santorini was up, I felt rested and rejuvenated. EVEN THOUGH I met with my coaches, posted on social media, and kept writing emails to y’all. Because I work on my capacity, those things didn’t drain me, they rejuvenated me.

Don’t confuse self care with “letting all your crucial support systems go.” That’s how self care becomes self-sabotage. Both things are necessary diligence that keep you fueled and ready to have all the capacity you need to keep growing to your next level.⁣

If you’re ready to use this summer to be LEAPS AND BOUNDS ahead of everyone else once the Fall comes around, we’ve got TWO spots open in my Capacity Shift™ group program right now. It’s an excellent way to work with me on your Capacity and it starts at only $375!
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