I’ve been seeing a lot of people “battle it out” on social media in the last week about “what we should be doing during this time.”
On one side of the arena are the people saying tone-deaf and privilege-unaware things like “if you don’t come out of this pandemic with a new skill or having improved yourself, you’re just lazy.”
On the other side of the arena are people saying “we’re experiencing trauma right now. Of course you’re tired, of course you don’t want to do anything, you’re in basic survival mode. Rest, rest some more. Don’t do anything.”
I think there’s an important nuance here that’s missing from the conversation. And I want to add my voice to the nuance, which doesn’t lie in either/or thinking.
Not everyone “should” come out of this pandemic with a new skill.
If you’ve been hustling, burning out and totally ignoring your soul and body needs for the sake of your business growth, yes, you need to rest. And that might be why you’re so exhausted–all the rest you’ve NOT given yourself has now caught up to you. So yes, if you can afford to, rest.
If you’re someone whose trauma is really being reactivated by this experience right now and you need to work with and process that trauma, yes, rest, work through it and take care of you. This time might be a much-needed, deep, nervous system restoration.
There are also many people who are literally in survival mode right now who don’t have the privilege of “learning a new skill” OR resting, like the tone-deaf side of this “online fight” says. Or who are losing family members to this virus and grieving. So let’s not ignore or bypass that, ever.
If you fit into the above “need to rest and focus on other more urgent and immediate things” category, what I’m about to say doesn’t apply to you. In fact, most of these emails in the coming weeks won’t. I want you to rest and take care of yourself, please.
Today, I’m talking to you if you don’t fit into the above categories and have a nagging feeling about how you’re showing up right now. Something doesn’t feel “quite right” to you about how you’re reacting to this crisis and how you’re showing up as a leader.
If that’s you, read on.
First, I’m not saying you aren’t going through trauma. We are ALL going through trauma right now. This is literally the definition of a traumatic event. Processing trauma is a journey and makes us act differently. It makes us more tired. It throws everything we thought we knew into question as we heal. It can make us more emotional, more stressed, and more likely to feel stuck when it comes to making decisions. It can also activate fight, flight or freeze response.
I know because I’ve healed from many traumatic events. I understand the process, viscerally.
In Capacity work™ we often address this core question: how do I continue to show up as the leader I want to be, WHILE dealing with very stressful circumstances?
It’s a paradox we MUST learn to hold if we say we’re here to impact the world with our gifts.
A few weeks ago, when everything got shut down, I stopped going to the gym. Normally, I go to the gym six days a week. I do this for the sole reason that it has an incredible effect on me–it helps me manage my ADD better, my mind is sharper and my mood after I leave the gym is always incredible!
But when this pandemic hit and my gym was closed down, I went from six days a week to zero days a week working out. I spent the first week tired, sleeping a lot, feeling foggy-headed and overwhelmed with all the things I needed to do to be fully prepared to self-isolate.
By the second week I noticed my mood was less stable. I was having more negative and depressing thoughts. I even, for a split second, got sucked in to some drama by the narcissistic family member I’m low-contact with. Then I started to feel frozen and stuck about some business decisions. I disregarded my own advice and read some articles on the economy and I felt a little sliver of something that wanted-to-become-worry, nagging at me.
I started hearing the familiar voice of my “inner self sabotager” say things to me like “it’s okay, you deserve to rest, you work hard enough as it is. Just sleep in another day. Don’t pay attention to what you’re eating, you need to rest.”
And then I saw this quote by Ijeoma Umebinyuo:
1. You must let the pain visit.
2. You must allow it to teach you.
3. You must not allow it to overstay.
I got my ass up, got back into the routines that support me to show up at my best for my community and I booked sessions with my therapist and my business mentor to get myself right again.
Because guess what? I’m in a position of privilege right now. I have a home, I have food, I have a business that is still growing and serving others. I have not caught the virus. And I have health insurance.
That means it’s NOT okay with me to sit and wallow on the couch for too long. It’s NOT okay to let old-me behaviors rule. It’s NOT okay to be led by old-me BS stories and behaviors right now.
Because I am needed. I have a community who needs me to show up, clients who need my help and people who are writing to me, looking for some helpful guidance during this time.
The whole reason I teach and learn from Capacity Work™ is that I believe that our world NEEDS MORE leaders with greater capacity. That is my entire “why.”
When we have greater capacity we can hold, handle and receive not just more impact and more money–but also more compassion, more awareness and more SOLUTIONS for others that help all of those around us who don’t have the privileges we have.
THAT is why Capacity Work™ exists. Sure it helps you make more impact and more money–but that’s not the real, ultimate why. You’re here because you care to be a leader who does GOOD in the world.
But we live in a world that doesn’t want good to prevail. And to bring good to the world is a battle with those who don’t want to see it win and with our own personal demons, every damn day.
SO, YOU NEED CAPACITY FOR THAT.
And it’s really hard to lead during times of crisis with compassion, love and power, in ways that benefit all those around us and lift others up…when we’re unable to move past our own triggers that come up during times of crisis.
It’s really hard to show up and make SMART decisions that will keep our teams employed (because they feed themselves and their families from the money your business under your leadership generates) when we’re wrapped up in old BS stories that keep us frozen or hiding during times of crisis.
It’s hard to be a good leader when our old stories that are in our blindspots cause us to ignore deeper capacity-related problems that are crying out for our attention, in favor of more strategies, funnel-hacks and “increased ad spend.”
That may have worked a few years ago. But it’s not going to work now that the whole world has been turned upside down.
THAT’S why we need capacity work.
During times like these, leaders who have the privilege to lead are CALLED. We are called to show up with strength, vulnerability and with comfort for others. We don’t get to wallow, freeze and stay stuck for months if we aren’t in the categories I described earlier above.
I’ve doubled down on serving my paying clients right now. I’ve brought in extra guest mentors for them at no extra charge and have spent extra time with them on our calls to make sure they have what they need to keep thriving.
It’s DEFINITELY increased my capacity. I’m working harder and longer hours than ever before, WHILE dealing with pandemic issues, trauma triggers and other personal issues. But that is my personal value and that is the kind of leader I want to be. So I’m leaning HEAVY on the very work I teach.
I want to be able to show up when it really, really counts. LIKE NOW. My own personal BS and stories pale in comparison to the good that my message (and your message) can bring to the world when it is unburdened by my BS.
So, if you are uneasy about how you’ve been showing up during this pandemic. If you now something is off about how you’re showing up. And you want to figure out not only why…but you want to CHANGE that…
Then you are who my new Capacity in Crisis workshop is for.
If you want to show up as a leader you admire, BUT you feel like your stories are holding you back and keeping you small…
If you are ready to discover a capacity in you you never knew was possible and you want to know why it’s been so hard to discover up until now…
The world needs leaders unfettered from their ego BS. Who can HANDLE the hard times and still lead their communities to safety and thriving.
If THAT’S what you want, join us.
It’s only $99 and only 90 minutes of your time.
We are closing enrollment soon.
And there’s one thing I know–you CAN’T make this decision with the same mind that holds the old excuses that have kept you from making important decisions for your growth.
Deciding to join us means you are leaving those stories behind and choosing something NEW.