I believe that everything you want in life happens when you align with your soul. I'm here to help you do that so that you can create and lead with powerful impact.


Awakening, Deepening, Strengthening

awakening-deepening-strengthening

I’ve been conducting an interesting experiment lately. I call it “open-hearted directness.” It looks like saying “no” or setting a boundary firmly, while my heart is wide open, without offering any excuses, or explanations for the no. Most of the time, when we say “no” to something or we set a boundary, we feel the need to explain. But recently, I’ve realized that, most of the time, I’m only explaining my no in order to manage the other person’s emotions, or to make sure they don’t get upset about my no. That’s a lot of energy managing other adults’ emotions, who, by virtue of being adults, are perfectly capable of managing their own emotions; and a lot of energy being overly responsible for other people’s reactions to my boundaries. This is not to say we shouldn’t be considerate of other people’s emotions and be tactful. However, most of the time a healthy person will totally respect and be cool with your no. They will manage whatever emotions they have about your “no” responsibly, and with love.

I have so much more to share about this experiment! (I will be writing a longer post on this soon.) One thing I’ve learned is that I am awakening, deepening into, and strengthening my relationship with not only setting boundaries, but also how I manage my energy.

Coincidentally, ever since I’ve been less apologetic about being my imperfect self on my blog and on social media, and ever since I’ve been saying a very direct, yet open-hearted “no,” I’ve found a ton of people pushing back. Lots of trolls showing up. Having to block a lot of people on Facebook who couldn’t communicate without being hateful and dehumanizing to myself or others who were participating in the conversations online. People who gave unsolicited criticism.

I find this incredibly affirming of something I believe — which is that when we set an intention to learn something, the Universe provides us plenty of opportunities to deepen into that learning.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned and written about in the past week. They are very short snippets of thoughts on everything from dealing with internet trolls to reminding you why your voice matters, to showing you pictures of the gorgeous, custom-branded welcome box for the women who joined this year’s High Priestess Circle mastermind. You can read all of these in about 10 minutes.

Why I don’t engage with internet trolls
(Someone asked me why I don’t spend time trying to engage and “convert” my internet trolls. This was my response to that very good question.)

What I will not be & do this year
(Don’t have an intention, resolution, or word for the year yet? Read this.)

To the woman who said it’s impossible for a single woman to be successful in business
(If you have ever felt you can’t make it because you’re single, don’t have a second income from a partner or you are a single mom, you absolutely want to read the comments on this one! Inspiring and cuts through the BS.)

Your voice matters, even when you feel like no one is listening
(I wrote this after reading a Facebook post from a woman who was very disheartened, feeling like no one was listening to her or reading her heartfelt writing efforts week after week. I had that experience a few years ago and came to some interesting realizations. If you’ve ever felt unseen and unheard, you’ll want to read this short snippet from a longer blog post I wrote last year.)

The GORGEOUS welcome boxes for the High Priestess Circle mastermind (photos!)
(This was a labor of love! We created a custom branded welcome box for each woman in the 2017 HPC mastermind. I want this to be an example for you that you can create what you want!)

That’s this week’s roundup, love. I would really love to know, which one resonated with you the most? Can you let me know in the comments below? I always love to hear from you!

 

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Buffet spirituality and the glue of all life

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She was really embarrassed to even tell me her story. I explained to her that this was a space of unconditional love and that she could share whatever she needed to share. In fact, I told her, the more she shared the more I could assist. That’s when it all came tumbling out.

She had spent tens of thousands in the last two years. Immersed herself in spiritual theories and personal development mindset techniques that were proven to work for many. But none of them had quite worked for her. She kept spending time and money trying to find the perfect framework, the perfect “religion” that would meet all her needs and would finally give her that map to the way she wanted to feel in her relationships, her work, her life.

Her desk was stacked with all of the most popular personal development books out there. Her computer filled with program after program. Crystals recommended to her from various “spiritual gurus” sat collecting dust on her makeshift bedroom altar. Decks of cards and quotes from famous coaches lay disheveled on her night stand. Half-used yoga and pole dancing passes expired in her wallet.

But she still wasn’t getting what she wanted in her life. She was ashamed to admit that she kept spending money on all of these little things but none of it was quite getting her to where she wanted to go. She’d made a little progress but thought she should be further ahead based on all the work she had done and all the money she had spent.

I’d had a similar conversation just a few weeks prior with another woman who had the same complaint. After having built a very successful business, she was ready to pivot into something her soul had been calling her to do for a long time. Despite having spent so much time, money and energy on every guru to get her soul business to the revenue she wanted, she was no closer to her answer and was at her wits end.

I have hundreds of stories like this to tell. And the truth is, love, I see it all the time. I watch people struggle for years, thinking that the next book, the next deck of tarot cards or the next essential oil is going to finally get them to where they want to go. Or I watch very successful people who have built amazing things reach a crossroads, feel a new calling in their soul and then stay stagnant for years, while hiring bigger and bigger gurus, not knowing how to move on to the next thing because they are afraid.

But there is one crucial thing missing. The glue that would tie all of these things together. And it is overlooked all the time. Let’s talk about it shall we?

First, I want to clarify one thing. I am not opposed to the trying of different things and experimenting. I encourage the people I work with constantly to experiment, to stretch beyond their comfort zone and try new things. I hear often from “spiritual authorities” that people who do this are just practicing “buffet spirituality,” or “buffet personal development,” and are just superficial. I don’t think that is the case, always.

I don’t think that trying different things is superficial. You can try different things and dive into them deeply. That’s different than hopping from thing to thing because you keep giving your power away to every teacher out there by valuing their answers more than your own internal guru, your Soul.

Trends in spirituality and personal development come up all the time. I grew up Catholic, developed a deep interest in Zen and other Buddhist practices, and have taken bits of other traditions I have learned from. I learned good things from all these spiritual traditions. I have left behind what doesn’t work for me and kept the things that inspired me and help me grow. I’ve dived into many things from sound healing, to shamanism, to ascetic living.

The question to ask yourself is this: is trying all these things coming from a place of deepening my connection to my soul; or am I hopping from thing to thing, desperate to find the external answer that will make it all ok and give me the result I want?

Do you try these things to enrich the connection you already have to your soul?
Or are you trying all these things because you don’t have or are avoiding the connection with your soul, and instead, are hoping some outside structure, template, or guru will just give you the perfect plan by which to live your life or do your great work?

Most of the people I have worked with, who were not getting to where they wanted to be in life and in their work or felt stuck, were doing the latter.

We do this for many reasons. We are taught to value ego and outside answers in a world where the Soul is seen as an afterthought, not as valid or something we pay attention to “later.”

We are also taught through our societal structure that we are broken, and so we cannot trust what the Soul says — for how could we trust the whispers arising from a vessel we’ve been told is inherently broken?

Sometimes we have spent so much time dishonoring our soul that we are afraid of diving deep because we don’t know what we will find. What if what we find, we don’t like? And sometimes we’re afraid to really dedicate time to getting to know and connect deeply to our soul because we know she’s going to ask us to do something that is going to shake shit up. Our ego though may be attached to things being the way they are. No matter how miserable they make us.

Love, what I really want you to know is this: there is no one thing that will work for everyone.

No one self-help technique, no one theory, no one mindset tool, no one method, no one spiritual practice has all the answers you seek. We are all very complex, unique human beings. Even in one lifetime, something that worked for you can stop working and vice versa.

Very often I see some spiritual teachers out there talk about how we have to stick with one thing and deepen into it. In many religions, we are taught to almost revere suffering by sticking to it. We are taught that to submit our will to the teachings and to suffer through it is holy.

I do think there is something to be said for consistency and not giving up as soon as something gets hard. Some of the greatest, most fulfilling spiritual lessons of my life have come from sticking with something my Soul is a yes to, even when my ego is saying “get out!”. I’m currently writing a book, and it is one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. But there is nothing more satisfying than finishing a day of writing and seeing what I accomplished. It’s a struggle sometimes to get through it, but deep down it’s what my Soul desires.

It’s a different thing altogether when you continue to stick with something at the detriment of your Soul simply because you were told that that is the more “noble thing.” That is actually a decision made from your ego and not your Soul.

So this comes back to the “glue” of all of the fabric of life. The glue I mentioned is the missing piece when you feel like you’ve tried so many things and aren’t getting the answers or results you want.

The glue — what this all comes down to — is the connection to your Soul.

That is the MOST important thing to have as the basis and foundation underneath all of your experimentation; to have the driver of all this experimentation be the enrichment and deepening of your connection to the wisdom within YOU, vs. seeking the next guru with the answer you need to superimpose onto you to “fix” yourself.

The most important thing you can cultivate is the ability to have such a powerful connection to your soul and what is true for YOU, that you know when you need to pivot when something stops working or when you need something more. Knowing your soul so intricately allows you to always know what tools are aligned and work and which ones don’t. It allows you to know when it’s time to move to the next thing or simply take what you can from one thing and use it to enrich your own personal philosophy (instead of letting it distract you from your soul by becoming your new god and obsession).

This is why it is so important to have such a deep knowledge of and connection to your unique Soul that you can take what you need and tailor it to fit you and expand you, vs. wasting time giving up your power to some outside technique or teacher that may not ultimately work for YOU and your unique makeup.

Having a deep alignment with and connection to your soul efficiently cuts through wasted time because you will hear an instant yes or no in your soul. I’m not talking about the way the ego sabotages by thinking it knows things and blocking out help. I’m talking about that deep guttural soul yes or no. And in a world that does not prioritize soul but rather ego, many of us have trouble discerning what is a soul yes or no.

And yet, even while the top questions I get are: “How do I learn to connect with my soul and discern what is my ego?” And, “What is my soul?” I watch the very same people who ask me these questions, continue to invest in seeking outside answers, instead of investing time, energy and money into fostering and building the most important foundation of a fulfilling, purpose-driven life: the deep connection to one’s own Soul wisdom.

This is why I rarely espouse theories to my clients and instead teach them to turn that question inward towards their heart. Through the practice of deepening our connection to and coming into alignment with our Soul, we begin to deepen our inner knowing and can customize the vast variety of amazing tools to fit our unique makeup.

I continue to repeat this: nothing, nothing, nothing is more important than to have that connection to your soul and the ability to hear it clearly. It is the beginning of everything. It is the seed of all aligned decisions, and the key to all joy and expansion in your life. We suffer when we move away from the soul and put our power onto other people and other techniques/theories without taking a moment to ask “does this align/feel good to me?”

No one is more an authority on you than you and you have a vast well of answers and wisdom within you; because your Soul is connected to the infinite, sacred wisdom of all that has ever existed, all that ever will, and beyond.

Once my clients finally decide to make the relationship with their soul the most important thing to focus on, they suddenly began to experience the breakthroughs and the clarity they had been struggling to achieve for months and even years.

It makes no “logical” sense, I know. Logically we think: How does getting to know your soul on an intimate basis, learning how to care for her and how to discern her voice from your ego, affect your bottom dollar? Your relationships? Your spiritual practice? Your body image? Your work? Your financial situation?

The soul is not linear like the mind, where the ego lives. The soul relies on a deeper wisdom, on intelligence instead of intellect. When we begin to come into alignment with our soul, when we commit to becoming intimate with our soul, we begin to tap into the divine intelligence that moves through all living beings. The same divine intelligence that created amazing things like the human body, animals, plants, the earth, the Universe.

Imagine what your life would look like if that divine intelligence guided your decisions in life and work.

Pretty amazing, right?

I hope that this is the year you prioritize that relationship. The possibilities are limitless when you make your soul the guru of your life. And as cliche as it sounds, all the answers to your most profound questions really are within you, waiting to be discovered and lived.

PS: if you want to make this the year you prioritize the relationship with your soul, we’ve got lots of amazing things coming for you this year. I currently have one spot left for private coaching with me, where we will explore just that. If you’re a high achiever here to do big things in the world and want to shift into soul-driven leadership and living, you can apply for that one spot right here. To be totally transparent here — this spot will probably be gone in the next few weeks (That’s just been the pattern over the last few years. My private coaching sells out by end of the first month of the year). So I’d apply right away if your soul is calling you to it.

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that which you savor on your tongue

moon-img

There is a secret desire
that has been murmuring
in your heart.
A soft, round thing, innocent and bright
with the light of endless possibility,
as all new born things are.

It’s been there, within you, for hours,
days, months and in some cases,
years.

I have watched you with this
burgeoning desire, this tiny flame
of hope. Contemplating it,
inching forward then
sitting back.

I have watched you rolling it
back and forth on your tongue,
afraid to savor it.
I have watched you timidly reach out
to touch it and shrink back
when you are shown the vision
of how far it will take you.
How much love, abundance
and joy it could lead to.

Who am I
to want this,
dare to taste
this, be
this.

Who am I
to dream that this
could be possible,
real, mine.

Who am I
to think my voice
matters or could create
any sort of lasting
impact.

Who am I
you ask yourself
as you feel the warmth
of this secret desire,
glowing anyway, wanting
to be seen, felt &
drawn forth into being.

I have watched you telling yourself
not yet for eternities. I have watched you
put it away for later, when I’m ready,
after I finish this.

It is winter now and all the lands
have gone fallow. All of nature
withdraws her branches
from the sun and goes within.
All that is gifted with life
slumbers. But in that slumber
she is gestating a new dream,
a new birthing of her Self.
A new offering.

My hope for you,
dearest one,
is that you will finally
listen to that knowing
within you. That you will finally
let yourself be led by
that little spark of hot desire
that has been pulling you gently
by the hand into the new lands
of your being forever.

That you will stop trying to be
practical about it. That you will be
wild, crazy and throw caution to
the breezes.

My hope
is that you will remember
that absence of fear
is not a requirement
for doing it anyway.

That there is no such thing
as waiting to start until
you are good enough,
because you always
have been.

My prayer
is that you will finally savor that
precious pull of your soul
as the deepest wisdom that exists
in this entire, starry-eyed, gravity-defying
Universe and stop looking for more
outward confirmation, money or signs
to tell you when to start.

That you will let yourself be swept up
in the rapture of the vision your heart
has been trying to show you
for years, but which you have been
too afraid to fully see.

My desire
Is that you birth a life led by
the Soul and not Ego, who
has been your despot master
for too long.

My deepest invocation
is that you finally see
the magic that lies in the wisdom
of that desire you’ve been hiding.

And that you finally love and honor
your Self enough to let it all burn away,
if it has to, to make way
for the life you were really
meant for.

It is time now,
to stop hesitating,
rationalizing,
postponing,
excusing and
spiritually bypassing
your inner knowing.

If there is an experience, person,
book, program, shaman, soul-worker,
coach, teacher or path you feel called
to work with, trust it. Listen.

Listen now.

Who am I
Who am I
Who am I

Just like all of nature, It is time now
to lean in and be brave.

For bravery
is not about being
unafraid.

It is about taking
your soul’s knowing
by the hand
and letting it lead you,
wild-eyed and wiry-haired,
breathlessly rejoicing
In the freedom of your undoneness,
even when your knees
are trembling.

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6 Lessons from a year of not giving a f%&k

nofs

I’d like to say that this year was the year that I perfectly planned everything out in my calendar. Revenue goals. Epic business models and fully filled out planners. You know, all the things that a good, responsible “ladyboss” does.

But I didn’t. Instead I took that effigy of the perfectly put together, “professional businesswoman,” and burned that shiz to the ground.

In fact, after my 2015 of epic “failure,” I was shocked to discover that as I entered 2016, my soul asked me for something I hadn’t planned on. Rest. Release all “rules” you’ve learned. Make 2016 a grand experiment in just going solely with what your soul feels like doing and chuck out all the things that people tell you you will “die” if you don’t have in place, she said.

And thus began my year of not giving a f%&k.

Now I want to clarify. I very much give a f%&k about important things in the world. But I can say that at the end of 2016, I give less f%&ks about things that actually don’t matter. Things I thought for sure would sink me if I didn’t obsess about them.

Here are my top 6 Lessons from a year of not giving a f%&k. You won’t find a lot of these in most “how to build success” books. But I truly believe they are the new “rules” of success for soul-driven leaders.

1. Intuition is Queen and Trust is King.

Every year prior to 2016, I would get together with a group of entrepreneur friends and we would sit down and do our projected/desired revenues for our businesses for the next year. Spreadsheets. Long conversations. Strategizing.

2 hours later I would emerge with a plan in hand, ready to conquer the world.

But then 2015 happened. And nothing on that spreadsheet came to pass. It was the worst year of my life. Everything I set out to accomplish failed miserably. And it killed something inside of me. Little did I know it killed something inside of me that needed to die: attachment.

You see, I’d emerge from that strategy session with a plan that “every good business owner is supposed to have every year,” and severely attached to those goals. And when they didn’t happen as planned, I would agonize and let it throw me into a tailspin. I’d compare myself to the plan I had created and tell myself I was not a good business owner if I couldn’t meet those goals as easily as the women I planned them with said I could. If I didn’t hit those goals, a little voice in my head would threaten to call me a failure.

This year my soul distinctly told me: You are not to set any revenue goals. F revenue goals. I want you to ride solely on a wave of trust. See what the Universe provides when you let go.

Oh yes, when I shared with a few entrepreneurs that I was: a) not setting any revenue goals, b) my focus for 2016 was trusting that the Universe has my back as long as I’m aligned with my soul in what I offer, and c) focusing on just strengthening our team and making sure I’m getting more time to write and rest…

Well let’s just say they thought I was crazy. A few scoffed and stopped speaking to me because it seems I was not being “professional” enough.

You know what happened?

We had one of our best profit margins we have ever had in 7 years of business.

My intuition told me to bring back 1:1 coaching and offer 10 spots only. My ego thought “this is crazy, you haven’t offered this in almost 2 years, no one is going to want it.” A few months later, we were sold out and had to turn people away.

We often hear our soul telling us to do something, but our ego doubts it. We find reasons why what our soul is asking us to do is too scary or not practical for the moment. And we delay what our soul asked us to do. This year I decided I was going to do everything She told me, even if my ego was freaking out. I did this because often my clients and y’all don’t believe me when I say this. Your ego thinks it’s a lovely story in theory, but too scary to do in real life, too risky. So I knew I had to fully live it to come back with proof that this works.

The result of being led solely by my intuition was increased profit margin, best clients I have ever had, launching a whole new program which had double its expected enrollment numbers, deeper, more fulfilling relationships, and I manifested living in my dream house in front of the ocean, at the top of a mountain.

Was it easy? No. This is where Trust comes into the equation.

In order for this to work you have to commit to a long term relationship with trust. Trust that what your soul asked you to do is the right thing, even when it doesn’t seem to be going your way. There were a few instances where my soul told me to cut a client that was draining me, even if it meant losing money. For a few weeks, I had to “trust” that the money would come in elsewhere. I almost panicked a few times. But every time I hear that little voice of my soul say “trust.” After a few weeks a new client came in out of the blue (I had done no marketing for this open spot that had been vacated by the previous client), and was one of the best clients I have ever had.

Trust often means you will be riding on a wave in a vast ocean with no land in sight. And you have to just trust that that wave will take you to where you wanted to land. I was not let down once by trust this entire year. Trust destroyed my egoic attachments and my plans — the ones that used to create so much suffering when things didn’t go according to what I had set up.

But it also gave me better than what I had planned for, every time.

What your soul asks you to do may not make sense and people may laugh at you, but it works. I’m not saying to dump planning your revenue forever. Or that it’s bad to do that. But if your ego is so attached to those things that it can’t trust, then you are not opening yourself up to what the Universe really has planned for you, which is often bigger and better than what your ego can dream up.

2. Be open to invisible helpers, aka, you can’t do it alone

f-stand

In March/April of this year, I heard a voice within me strongly say, go off social media completely for 2 weeks.

Huh? My whole business is on social media, that’s stupid, said my ego.

Do it, said my soul.

So I begrudgingly said okay. And from there two of the most wondrous weeks of the year occurred. You see, I always ask the question to the Universe and my spiritual guides “what does my community need right now and how can I best serve them?” And the reason I was asked by my soul to go off social media was so that I could go into a deep listening around this question.

One of my most powerful spirit guides is Archangel Michael. This was the year that he became my business partner too. Within a few days of saying yes to the invitation to go off social media, he visited me in a dream and told me all about this program that I was supposed to create. The next 2 weeks I felt his presence so strong with me that I was sure if I turned my head around I would see him standing there. It was surreal.

During this time, I was afraid that my revenue would suffer because I was virtually doing no marketing at all for 2 weeks. So one day, when I was feeling fearful, I made a pact with Archangel Michael. I told him, I know y’all want me to create this. But I also need to feel free to create this and not worry about how bills will be paid in a few months if we aren’t marketing right now. So yes, I am surrendering fully to this that you are asking of me. And I would like to request some support from y’all so I can stay fully concentrated on this task.

A week later, a new client contacted me and paid her program in full (she didn’t even need to talk to me by phone, she knew she was in 100%), four people bought a program on my website I wasn’t even marketing, and we got a commission check earlier than we were expecting. We made an extra $30,000 in one week. Doing no marketing and making no offers.

I know that this sounds “woo” to a lot of people reading this. A lot of people thought I was nuts for even talking about this so openly. But the truth is, we don’t do anything alone. Science is proving that our world is deeply interconnected on quantum levels, that matter is literally shaped by things like vibration and light and that there is deep intelligence in every living thing, down to our cells. We have chosen to come to this planet for a very specific purpose, and the Universe is here to assist us in matching that vibration and making it a reality. The Universe is not some general random entity that does this, but rather Oneness which includes our souls and also ancestors, spirit guides, angels and more who want to support us in doing what we came here to do on the planet. Because that benefits the Universe as a whole.

Try asking for some help next time instead of thinking you need to shoulder the burden all on your own. You’d be shocked what comes through if you surrender to assistance from the unseen realms. And if you don’t believe in the unseen realms, ask for assistance from those around you.

3. Make sure your relationships aren’t transactional

This year was the year of the big relationship purge.

I lost/ended about 75% of the friendships I had established over the years. Why? Because I realized that most of those so-called friendships were actually transactional relationships. Not real relationships.

The connections had been forged because so-and-so was a “who’s who,” or they perceived me as a “who’s who,” but I hadn’t consciously realized that.

When I got real with the fact that I had a growing sense of deep dissatisfaction with most of my friendships, I began to really see. In speaking with a dear friend, I realized that even though I was giving 100% to my relationships, I was only being met with about 30% of what I had put in. As a result, I was starting to feel really drained.

I couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel fully “held” emotionally in many of my relationships. Seeing things from the point of view of “meeting others with the same level of intensity with which they are meeting me” changed everything.

I began to practice this — meeting people exactly in the same way they were meeting me. This was not a petty game played with anger in my heart. It was an experiment in moving and preserving my heart and my energy. I tend to give so much of myself to my relationships. Which is great, except not so great when you aren’t getting any of that back in order to even out the energetics of that exchange. If someone tended to not make my texts or calls a priority and took weeks to get back to me, I stopped making them a priority in my mind. Instead I gave my awareness to those who regularly reached out and wanted to actually know how I was doing or wanted to actually see me.

The result is that my true friendships revealed themselves to me. People who were only friends with me because of my perceived status, because I was a “good connection to keep in the wings for later” fell away completely. After being left out of a gathering with a group of women I had been giving my heart to for 2 years, I had another big revelation about what kinds of friendships and relationships I do want in my life. I started seeing that I was making myself stay in regular touch with some people who I actually didn’t even think were good people and treated others pretty terribly. I was doing this because they were an “expert” or someone you “should” be friends with. Yet I got nothing out of that friendship.

When I reassessed where I was putting my energy in my friendships, my energy came back to me. I stopped feeling drained. I went deeper and got even more intimate with real friends. These were new and old friends that I had not been able to go deeper with previously because my energy was so spread out between the transactional friendships and real friendships. Once I had my energy back and I was feeling more nourished in my real relationships, I realized there was no going back.

Don’t make friends because it is a good idea to know them or be connected to them. Make friends with people who genuinely interest you. I lost mentors and “friends” this year. But I gained deeper connections and much more fulfillment in relationships with people who genuinely care about me. You can have a ton of friends, but if they aren’t real friendships, you will feel like a very lonely person standing in a room full of people.

4. If you’re not leaping, you’re not growing.

sea-coral

In June of this year an opportunity to move somewhere I had felt called to move to, came up out of the blue. I knew this was a sign.

The only catch was that it was the highest rent I had ever paid to live somewhere. It was above what I believed to be my budget. And it was on the other side of the country.

I agonized about it for a week, but because I had committed to #1 (trusting my intuition 100%), I said yes to it. The entire plane ride on the way to California, I was sick to my stomach. I couldn’t keep anything down. I was terrified.

The first month I was there, I was uneasy and still scared. What if something happened and I suddenly couldn’t pay my rent? What if my roommates hated me and we didn’t get along? What if this whole scheme failed and I had to go back to Florida with my tail between my legs?

This move hit every deep fear that I had.

Yet, when I got there, I was stunned. The place that I had rented out looked exactly like a vision I had had a few years ago of what the most ideal place for me to live would look like. I had always joked that my perfect house would have oceans AND mountains in very close proximity. That it would be somewhat isolated. That I would be able to see the stars at night like you can when you’re out in the middle of nowhere. Where fruit would grow on the trees and I could pick it and eat it.

Here I was standing in the exact manifestation of that dream. My roommates were fabulous. And this place is absolutely magical. It does something to my soul I cannot put into words.

You can also track in my revenue for the year (my financial manager showed me the proof!) the exact moment I moved to Santa Barbara. Why? Because our revenue went up. If it were a graph on a paper it would be one line shooting up.

The best part — I now know I can make moves like this and not die. I have become a better coach, a better writer and more abundant since I moved here. I have taken leaps in the business, hiring new people, firing ones that were not working out. I have made investments that felt scary to me but that paid off three times over. This is because the move itself was a huge soul leap. It stretched me beyond what I thought I was capable of holding. And as a result I can hold more now — including more abundance.

If you aren’t doing things that make you get butterflies in your stomach (or in my case, sick to your stomach) then you’re not growing, love. Take those leaps, you will expand every time that you do.

5.  Stop waking those who don’t want to be woken

I’ve always had such an instinct to help people. In addition, I am a seer, so I can see right to the core of issues and patterns and help people with what I see.

The problem is that sometimes people don’t want to see it and don’t want to get unstuck. They are perfectly happy with the way things are and don’t want to wake up from their slumber.

This year I learned to keep my damn mouth shut, no matter what I’m seeing. I learned to only offer help to people who truly want it.

I stopped offering help to people who would ask for it and then get offended by the advice I gave them. I stopped trying to get people to see something that they didn’t want to see. I stopped trying to convince everyone to believe in what I was offering and instead started speaking to the people who already believed in it and wanted to know more. I stopped offering advice to family members who didn’t actually want it when they asked for it and instead just wanted someone to yell at when they didn’t get the answer they wanted.

I stopped trying to reason with trolls on my blogs and on Facebook who had no interest in civil conversation and instead just wanted someone to attack and just blocked them.

Instead, I turned my attention to people who genuinely wanted to wake up. Who wanted to learn. Who were genuinely wanting my help. Who wanted to grow and interact with me in a way that would allow both of us to expand.

Let’s just say that everything is better. My marketing doesn’t drain me anymore. My clients are amazing. My friendships are amazing. And my words and help are not only appreciated, but people run with it and do amazing things with it. A win win for all.

Are you trying to wake people up that don’t actually want to be woken? Stop that! It’s not our place to try to awaken them from their slumber. When they want to, they will ask and you will know they truly mean it. Until then, keep your nuggets of wisdom for the people who will actually appreciate them and use them to make big, beautiful changes in their lives.

6.  Rejection is for badasses only

f-sandy

One of the best things you can learn in life is to be okay with rejection and that it means nothing about you. I am so grateful for my long season as an actor and as a creative, because the norm was rejection when I was actor. It was rare you got a yes, no matter how good you were.

So many random things determined whether someone got a role. I once heard someone lost a role because the guy looked like the ex-boyfriend of the casting director’s SECRETARY (someone who has no education on casting etc).

I get rejected all the time. In business, in the beginning I was constantly rejected: by affiliate partners, potential clients, marketing opportunities… This year, I still got rejected!

I got rejected twice in the last month, business-wise. I had my writing rejected by a publisher that is not that hard to get into (and I’m a really good writer!). I reached out vulnerably to a few people who I wanted to be friends with a “I like you, do you want to be friends?” message and the messages were never replied to or even acknowledged. So what?

Why do we make rejection all about there being something wrong with us? What if it’s just not aligned? What if that person is actually no good for you? What if the “no” isn’t saying you suck, but that the Universe has better things in store for you? In my case, this year almost all of my rejections turned out to be blessings in disguise.

If you fall apart every time you are rejected, ignored, or get a “no,” then you cannot achieve anything you were called here to create. If getting rejected makes you hide and stop putting yourself out there, the only one losing is you.

Let 2017 be the year that you get as many rejections as you possibly can. Because at least that means you are giving it your all. Rejections are a sign that you are going for what you want, which most people don’t dare to do… because of fear of rejection.

More rejections = greater likelihood you will get what you want.

Conclusion

If I were to wrap all of the lessons up into one sentence, it would be this: trust your Soul instincts. This was truly a year where I did things “totally off the books.” This was a year where I was okay with making people angry. A year where I gave myself room to be scared and do the things I felt called to do anyway.

There are lots of opinions out there about how you should live your life, how you should run your business and how you should behave so that you “fit in.”

But fitting in out of fear or repressing your own instincts because you are afraid of being judged or afraid of being wrong is the quickest way to kill your unique soul gifts and the creativity you use to express them in the world.

Most experts out there telling you how to do things are telling you what has worked for them. And much of our knowledge of how we “should do things,” is based on models of perception where the ego has to be the master and the soul is some weird, unreliable thing that can’t be trusted or is too “far out there.”

I chose this year to not give a f%&k about the “rules” and instead to experiment, to do what I felt like doing. And I’m still here, thriving.

Let that be an example for you that you can really do this thing called life in any way that your soul calls you to. And that you can trust that when you are aligned with your soul, the Universe rushes in to support you on your mission.

What was your favorite lesson from this post or from the year? I’d love to know! Comment below!

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on making people angry

lisa-head

Two years ago, in the spirit of generosity and love, I made an offer for a 1:1 session for the lowest price I had ever offered for a 1:1 session in all of my years of business.

I called it a pay-what-you-can day, but I explicitly mentioned I had set a minimum donation for the session. Given the tight schedule I had going into the holidays, how much I give in just a one hour session, how deep I tend to go with my clients and how profound the breakthroughs had always been, I wanted to make sure the value exchange was win-win for both me and the person who would take me up on that offer. Someone paying $1 for an hour with me would have been NOT a win win for me. So I set that loving boundary.

I got a ton of beautiful messages from people who were so excited and thankful. Many booked sessions and paid well above the minimum. Some paid the minimum because it was what was in their budget at the time. All was going smoothly…

And then someone on my team informed me that there were a few people actually writing in and complaining about the minimum. She told me they had written quite hateful emails, attacking my character, and saying awful things, simply because I had set a minimum amount, and they wanted to pay lower than the minimum. “How dare I say it’s pay what you can and then set a minimum donation? Only an awful person would do that!” (The basic jist of their emails.)

A while ago, a woman who was interested in working with me received my program agreement. My program agreement is very clear on what the boundaries are around my time, when you can text me, what happens if you cancel a session last minute or don’t show up to a call, what to expect, and more. I always love it when someone I work with has this delineated because I feel safer knowing what the boundaries are and I know I won’t run the risk of crossing those boundaries.

She read it and signed it. Yet a few months into working with her, she was violating almost all the terms of the agreement, texting me at 7am, bombarding me and my team with 17 angry messages when she failed to show up for a session. When I kindly reminded her of the terms of our agreement, she lambasted me and my team, saying I was rigid and closed-hearted with my boundaries. Needless to say, I, gently yet firmly, ended our work together. But we continued to get emails from her insulting me, to the point where my very kind and calm assistant had to block her.

Coincidentally, the month after I let go of this client, another client came in. She was so thrilled to sign up to work with me she almost cried. When I sent her the program agreement, I got an unexpected email from her. It was a thank you note for so clearly stating the boundaries of our relationship in my program agreement. She told me that she absolutely loved my program agreement and that it had inspired her to set better boundaries. She has been working with me ever since. She is a dream client.

Another time when I was on a live Facebook video and graciously asked a woman to save her question for the end (which I had just stated at the beginning of the broadcast was the protocol for questions), she insulted me live, left the video, and blocked me. Everyone else was happy to wait until the end and we had an amazing Q&A session at the end.

There’s also the time a woman wrote in three weeks after our clearly stated refund period demanding a refund for a program she had ever even attempted to try out. When we informed her that our refund deadline had expired 3 weeks ago, she proceeded to publicly flog me on Facebook, tagging me to make sure everyone knew my name, and telling everyone what a horrible person I was.

That same day, I got an email from a client who had also tried to drop out of the program after the refund period. She wanted to thank me for holding our refund boundary and not giving it to her because she now saw clearly how she had been self sabotaging. When she didn’t get the refund, she actually began the program. She was writing to tell me just the first module had changed her life.

And finally, there’s the time I lovingly confronted one of my dearest friends after I found out she had been saying negative things about me to other people. I wanted to create a space for us to say whatever was in our hearts and clear any thing that could get in the way of our friendship and be honest. She refused to be honest. I had to end my friendship with her. It’s a boundary for me in relationships that if you can’t be honest and upfront, then there can be no real connection. She then proceeded to tell many clients I had referred to her that I was fake and dangerous.

A few months after I got a text from another friend that said, “Lisa, thank you for being such a badass at loving boundaries. You’ve inspired me and it has made me a better partner and friend to learn that from you. It’s one of my favorites of your qualities.”

Why am I telling you all this?

Because, honey-pie, as you can see, I have been pissing people off for years with my boundaries.

I have blocked more people than I can even think of on Facebook, kicked people out of programs, out of our forums. Ended friendships. Been awkwardly confronted by a hostile person I had never met, at a conference, who was apparently mad that my assistant had written her back (instead of me), when she wrote in asking for me to give her an entire itinerary for a trip to Panama. (Because apparently now I’m a travel agent that works for free on top of running a business and living my life.)

The truth is, we have a hard time with boundaries in our society. We are taught that to have boundaries is “rude.” Women, especially, have a very hard time with boundaries. From a young age we are told that our bodies, our minds, and our souls are free fodder for all sorts of poking, prodding, criticizing and sizing up. And that we should be okay with this free-for-all of unsolicited invasions of our mind, body, and soul, and put on a nice big smile with a cherry on top of it.

We are taught that if we do not conform to society’s values, if we are not the nice one or the good one that lets everyone walk all over her like a doormat, then we will be ostracized.

I was one of those good girls once. Very careful not to offend… Bending over backwards for family, friends, and clients so that I could be approved of and loved… Taking on majors in college that weren’t aligned with my soul, so I could please my parents… Allowing men to subtly violate my physical boundaries on dates because I didn’t want them to feel emasculated… Dieting and starving myself so I wouldn’t offend people with my curves… “Acting nice” towards people in my industry that had been downright nasty… and more.

You know where it got me?

It made me sick. So sick that doctors thought I had an autoimmune disease that would cause me to slowly suffocate to death.

It took me far, far away from my purpose. When you’re so busy trying to please everyone around you and not offend people with your boundaries, you end up making choices in your work and career that actually aren’t suited to you at all. They are more about keeping others happy. And meanwhile, your soul’s work in this world isn’t being done. And you’re hiding, internally miserable and repressed. Are you willing to pay that cost simply for others’ approval?

It made me feel secretly isolated and alone in my relationships. How do you know if someone is really your friend if you are so afraid of offending them that you have to contort yourself or hide pieces of yourself in order to get along?

And worst of all, it deprived the Universe of what I came here to do. The change I was called here to make in the first place.

I was so worried that by showing up authentically in what I was called to do that I would offend or disappoint someone. So, I wasn’t showing up fully.

On that day many years ago, when I sat waiting to find out if I had a disease that would end my life, I made up my mind. I didn’t care how scared I was, or how pissed off people were, I was going to follow my soul come hell or high water.

You know what happened? I got better. My mystery illness disappeared. My life opened up in ways I never imagined. Yes, I had people in my family send me hate mail when I dated someone they didn’t approve of. One of them even threatened death. Yes, I’ve lost many false friendships. Yes, I’ve pissed off some people by saying “no.”

I have the nasty emails and comments to prove it.

But I gained my soul. I gained my life. I gained freedom. I gained true friends. Real relationships. Amazing clients and community.

When I began to honor my boundaries by setting them with others and enforcing them, I had a lot more time for self-care and self-love. My ideas were suddenly better. I was more creative. I was better at what I did. I had energy. I had time to do what I was called here to do.

To be fully free, love, you’ve got to be okay with the fact that you’re going to piss off some people.

There will always be people out there looking to be offended, no matter how nice you are with your boundaries. Truly, I want you to really get this — you cannot do great things without making someone angry. No matter how well you try to say it or how neutral you try to make your face and voice.

We are so afraid of setting boundaries because deep down we’re afraid we won’t be loved if we do.

The truth is, no one’s love should come at the cost of your soul. Real love and connection isn’t about making you contort yourself in a thousand ways to please another person. Real love is about wanting those around you to be fully expressed and free. A person or situation who is aligned with real love will want you to have boundaries and will happily honor them.

Healthy people who get that will rejoice at your healthy boundaries. Those who bristle, attack, or lambast at the boundaries you set for your own well-being are not healthy, and frequently do not have good boundaries themselves. Why waste another moment of your time worrying about whether they like you or not? Why waste time on a person that doesn’t want to honor your well-being by respecting your boundaries? Put your focus instead on those who stand for the expansion of your freedom.

When you set boundaries you not only open up more love for yourself, but you also stand as a role model for others, and let them know it’s okay to have boundaries too.

Right now, I want you think about all the ways in which you are NOT following your soul’s desire and holding yourself back. You’re trying to be liked, trying to be nice, to not make someone angry, or worried about “accidentally coming across as rude.”

How much of that energy could you be spending on expanding your freedom and the freedom of others on the planet, instead of worrying about stepping on a few toes of people who will be angry no matter what?

I want to leave you with one last thing that is very important when setting boundaries: your intention.

It’s very important you be clear on your intention when you enforce and/or set a boundary. This will help you a lot when someone gets angry and you start to doubt yourself. Make sure that when you set a boundary, your heart is in it. Make sure that there is love for you and others in that boundary, and that you aren’t setting that boundary out of fear or a reaction. Be very clear that this boundary is aligned with you and is for the sake of more love for you and those around you.

If you do this, you will know your boundary came from love. And if someone gets offended, you won’t doubt yourself and your boundary because you will know it came from love. It’s not up to you to get everyone in the world to see your heart and your intention. Some people are in so much pain they will not see your loving intention, no matter what you do.

So if you are tired of doing free strategy sessions with people who are “just shopping around,” don’t actually intend to work with you or buy anything, or want to use it as a chance to “pick your brain” and that drains you… Then a great boundary would be to clarify to people who inquire who these sessions are and aren’t for, and be clear about that. Maybe charge a deposit fee to honor your time, which you refund to them if they show up for the call. That is a boundary that honors your time and your energy. If someone is offended by that or thinks that is rude, it is highly likely they were not going to be an aligned client for you. So why waste another moment worrying about whether or not they think you’re rude?

If fielding calls from your mother at 4am leaves you exhausted the next morning and unable to think clearly when you sit down to write your book, then tell her you are no longer taking calls at that hour. Put your ringer on silent. Love yourself enough to give yourself a good night’s rest. The intent there is one of freedom and love for all beings. No longer taking calls at 4am allows you to be more present for her when she calls at a more reasonable hour because you won’t be exhausted. It also allows you to write that epic book that is going to change someone’s life, finally.

People may not always understand your boundaries, but if you set them with good intentions and an open heart, that’s all you need to worry about. No matter how loving a boundary is, someone is always going to be pissed off. No matter how loving you are, there will always be someone who is offended.

I have had people on social media be offended that I volunteered at Standing Rock (when I was welcomed by the elders at camp with open arms!). I’ve had people be angry that my company donated proceeds to a reputable charity that helps women around the world become empowered and independent. Someone is always going to be angry about something ridiculous.

If we are here to do great things in the world, we must understand and know our own personal boundaries. We must respect our own boundaries and state them clearly, with love. In doing so, we serve those around us by serving ourselves. And yes, that is going to piss some people off sometimes.

But no one who did great things with great love had no hate mail and no angry protesters.

If you’re not pissing someone off, love, you’re not doing it right.

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