I believe that everything you want in life happens when you align with your soul. I'm here to help you do that so that you can create and lead with powerful impact.


What is the value of your soul’s work? My pear tree has something to say about it…

My client was making some BIG moves… her already successful business was taking a leap into its next level. She was reaching more people than ever, revenue had almost doubled, she’d been able to reduce her workload significantly… but she was feeling anxious.

She’d finally decided to raise her prices. But I noticed something really interesting… she was adding so many bonuses that the offer was getting lost in translation. When I dove deeper with her as to why she was doing this (which is what I do), we discovered she felt that her work would not be seen as valuable unless she added all this extra “stuff” to it.

What followed was a conversation that led to the creation of a special video for you.

What is the true value of your work?
What is it worth?
Do we need to add all this extra stuff to something to make it be seen as “valuable”?

If you want to know my thoughts on these questions, click on the video below to watch this quick, powerful little video where I share what I spoke about with my client which led to a huge shift for her.

So what did you get out of this video? I’d love to know in the comments below! I read all of your comments and love engaging with you.

With love,

 

 

 

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codependent agreements & being paid for transformation: a deeper look.

My dearest one… I never meant to share this… A few days ago I wrote a private letter for myself as a reminder that boundaries are okay to hold to. Yet, after a few people (a client and a colleague) heard about it from me and urged me to share it, I chose to publish it.

Pull up a chair, get your favorite cup of tea, and put your phone on “do not disturb” for this one. You’re going to want to really let this one sink in.

……

As long as I can remember, I have wanted to dedicate my life to helping people.

At 6, I locked myself in my mother’s bathroom and wrote a song about a woman who needed help, but no one came to help her. That might sound morbid to you for a six year old, but I was growing up in a third world country with crippling poverty all around me, and I was stunned by how people in the elite classes completely ignored the poor, barefoot children begging for food and money at the traffic lights.

As I grew up, I was always the family member and the friend who would bend over backward for those I loved. I was the person who stayed late at work to make sure things were easier for others the next day when they came in. I was the friend who called up a friend who was having a hard time and said, hey, I’m here. Vent for an hour and I’ll listen.

I did it because I cared. I wanted to help.

Unfortunately, I did it to my detriment. After a harrowing possible autoimmune diagnosis that eventually ended up okay, I realized I had to stop “bending over backward” at my own personal expense.

It was a lesson I had to learn over and over again and that I continue to learn even today.

Years later, I started my business. I had never pictured myself as a business owner. It was partially a whim to get out of my day job that led me to start my business.

But a year into coaching others and impacting others with the words on my blog… I was hooked.

The letters I got from readers on certain posts that led them to make brave choices in their lives touched me. The ways I saw my clients lives changed so powerfully with just the right amount of support and redirection to their soul truths made me realize… I had been inadvertently led by the Universe right back to where I had started at 6. And my soul had really wanted me to start this business because the work I was doing at a financial corporation wasn’t actually contributing to anything that I believed in.

Now, with my own business, I was helping people.

I guess this thing is really going to become a thing now, I thought to myself, amazed, at the end of the first year of my business. I had managed to pull in $68,000 in revenue and had helped a ton of women in the process. It felt good. To hear a woman experience a breakthrough during a call, it was a feeling I couldn’t even describe. To be able to be compensated for this, and therefore, be able to dedicate my time and energy to helping others, was an amazing dream come true.

Seeing the power of the work I was doing and its impact, I immediately began to daydream about how many more people I could help by growing the business revenue even more. I started to plan for the not-for-profit organization I would eventually start with the proceeds of my business. The books I could write that would help those who couldn’t always afford my services.

I have been running a successful, for-profit business for almost 8 years now. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not always a picnic. We have had our ups & downs, and nothing has caused me more stress and more joy than this business.

Yet, while I believe the reason the business has been successful is that we always have had helping others as our core mission, I also started to notice something very interesting about charging money for transformation after year two of my business. Especially, if we are good-hearted and service-oriented individuals.

You see, I’ve done the bending-over-backwards thing in my business too. A few years into my business, I burned myself out so badly from doing this “because people were paying me money and I am supposed to help” that I almost had to quit for good.

That’s when I really had to question the way I was doing this whole “people pay me money to help them” thing.

If the point was to help more and more people, I couldn’t keep burning myself out like this. Because, burned out, I was of no use to anyone, and that kind of defeated the whole “helping as many people as possible” mission of my business.

As I dug deeper into this pattern for myself, I began to discover that a lot of it centered around the fact that in my job, I accepted money for helping people.

I also noticed that so many of my clients also ended up pushing themselves to a point that was not healthy for them because “someone gave them money for their services.” They overgave or padded their programs with gazillions of bonuses in order to “prove” their worth.

I have had more than a few super successful, brilliant, pioneering, women clients who were afraid to raise prices because raising prices somehow meant that their client would expect them to work even harder, and they were already working as hard as they could, so how could they ever double their prices when they couldn’t double the amount they were already working?

Accepting money for our transformative services brings up all sorts of weird, complicated and uncomfortable emotions. And the act of giving people our money in exchange for their services can bring some interesting things up for us too.

All sorts of weird “beliefs” pop up in this area. They are not empowering beliefs. They are beliefs that create weird, unspoken, “expectations,” and that can ultimately be damaging to both people in the money exchange.

Add to that being a person that genuinely wants to help people and has a big heart, and you’ll find that both parties in the money exchange often get unconsciously wrapped up in weird, codependent patterns.

I’m going to use examples from my own business to help shine a light on these patterns, so that, if you are a big-hearted individual who runs a business, you can extricate yourself from them for good.

Let’s face it — no matter how much money someone gives us for a service, if we allow it to come with strings and co-dependent behaviors, we are not ultimately serving anyone in the end.

Allowing these unspoken dynamics to continue only perpetuates messed up power dynamics in the world. I have had to learn the hard way, several times, during this 8 year journey, so it’s my hope that these stories help and empower you.

It was 8pm and I was sitting down to have dinner with my sister, who I had not seen for a long time. I was so happy to catch up with her after working really hard that week, seeing 15 clients for one on one sessions.

Ping! Ping! Ping!

My phone was going off like crazy. The persistence of the messages led me to believe there was a real emergency happening, so I grabbed my phone to look. It was a client.

She had sent me a text 2 hours ago, at 6pm, after I had logged off of work for the day to spend time with my family. Naturally, I had not responded — I wasn’t near my phone. And now she was furious.

The tone of the texts went something like… How dare I not respond to her? Wasn’t she paying me all that money for me to give her the support she needs when she needs it? What kind of a coach was I if I’m not even available for help when she needs it?

I sat there with my mouth gaping open as the messages continued to come in, each one more angry and borderline verbally abusive.

I’m really disappointed. I didn’t get the exact times I wanted in your schedule this month and had to pick two less than ideal dates for our sessions. I can’t believe that you didn’t bend over backwards to accommodate my schedule. I paid a lot of money to work with you and you should be more accommodating.

This was back in 2014, and yes these were the words I was listening to, incredulously, from a client. She continued to say things that implied I was not as good as her last coach because we were not scrambling to give her the exact times she wanted (even though we simply did not have those times available and my assistant had done everything she could to accommodate her).

Nevermind that her contract explicitly stated that she gets two hours of coaching a month and that those hours may be arranged in a variety of configurations depending on my and the client’s schedule. Nevermind that she is not my only client, and I had 11 other clients to serve.

Nevermind that some of the hours she expected me to “accommodate her with” were mealtimes, late at night, and weekends.

Nevermind that I have an entire business to run, and when not coaching clients, I am required to meet with my team, write blog posts and social media posts for weekly content, market, have conversations with potential clients, spend time with my family, and somehow in all of that get some time for myself.

Nevermind that the reason she didn’t get the sessions she wanted was because her travel schedule limited the times she could meet.

The fact that I wasn’t “bending over backwards” was a negative for her and something that was silently expected with the money exchange for my services. Even though the agreement to “bend over backwards” was nowhere in my contract with her.

I texted you on Sunday and you didn’t write back to me until Tuesday. You just aren’t there for me. I’m not getting the support I need.

Nevermind that our program agreement, which she signed, stated that I don’t reply to texts on weekends and that I am not obligated to reply under any particular time frame. Nevermind that she had missed her last three sessions with me and not bothered to show up for any of the group coaching calls to get the support she needed from the multiple levels of support her program was offering her.

These are just some of the things I have experienced in my business in the last 8 years. I have dozens more stories just like them.

Though I have been incredibly fortunate to work with mostly amazing, incredible women who I adore (and who I often still keep in touch with years later), after working with thousands of women, you do end up collecting a small menagerie of experiences like this. Even from good, well-meaning clients I adore, I experience this from time to time.

It’s not uncommon, because we all are learning how to set up better boundaries, and don’t even realize how we are taught to participate in unhealthy, silent expectations, and codependent behaviors. Practically every Hollywood movie or TV show shows codependent relationships. We’re bombarded by it, constantly.

Those of us who are big hearted and want to help, risk getting wrapped up in these stories to our own detriment.

Add to that, the totally untrue and effed up belief that spiritual people “shouldn’t charge money to help people” and should be “neglecting their own needs to help others” (ummm… how are we supposed to eat, feed our families, pay our rent, and keep showing up with energy to serve the world more and more if we aren’t compensated for that hard work)…

and we have a perfect storm.

We end up overworking ourselves to feel “less guilty” about charging money for helping people, and feeling bad about setting boundaries, with clients who paid us, so that we can have a quality of life, too.

Why does money exchanging hands suddenly mean we are not allowed to have boundaries and self care?

As I mentioned before, it took me getting really sick and almost having to quit my business, to realize that I have no desire to play a part in these dynamics anymore.

I wrote a secret manifesto a few weeks ago, after I had to reset some boundaries in my business. I noticed that for a week after setting them, I had an inner child that felt afraid the people I had to reset boundaries with would be “upset with me,” “disappointed in me because I didn’t do exactly what they wanted,” or “think I was bitchy,” because I had set boundaries that are crucial for me to preserve my joy and quality of life so that I CAN show up 100% in my work.

After working through some of these feelings and loving up my inner child just like I teach my clients to do, I heard my soul speaking to me. She was dictating a “boundaries letter” for my business, which I wrote down.

Even though it was a private letter I wrote to myself as a reminder that it’s okay to hold to my boundaries, I want to share it with you today.

Because, if you are caught in a pattern of feeling like you “owe” something more than what was originally agreed upon with someone just because they gave you money…

Or you feel at the mercy of a client because you silently and unconsciously agreed to do whatever they want, because you’re afraid they will stop paying you and you won’t have any money…

I want you to read this out loud to yourself to extricate yourself from that unhealthy pattern once and for all.

This kind of pattern is known as a co-dependent pattern. Co-dependent patterns don’t actually help your clients. It makes them dependent on you being a certain way in order for them to feel safe, instead of empowered to find the solutions within themselves.

This will hold you back in your leadership, it will hold you back from growing, and it will keep you hostage to every person’s unspoken expectations until you burn out.

Dear beloved client who I am so excited to support with the best I have in me:

Your coaching agreement and payments include:

  • X amount of calls per month.
  • Text support with me between 11am and 5pm Pacific, Monday through Friday.
  • A retreat/retreats in x with accommodations and food included.
  • Lots of unconditional love.
  • My commitment to show up for you 100% when we are on our calls.
  • My profound belief in you and the amazing person I see you to be.
  • Fierce cheerleading on the energetic and physical planes whenever we speak.
  • Powerful space holding and witnessing of your true power so that you can see it reflected back to you.
  • Accountability to your soul goals.
  • A coach who cares enough about your progress to call you out with lots of love when she sees you self-sabotaging, and who is willing to share the truth, even when your ego is mad at her for doing so.

Your coaching agreement and payments do NOT include me:

  • being at your beck and call, whenever you want me.
  • being the person your ego wants me to be vs. the person you hired to really see you and hold you accountable.
  • putting up with verbal abuse or mean words when you’re “triggered.”
  • doing only exactly what you tell me to do (you did not hire a puppet, you hired a master coach).
  • being your secretary because you paid money for my services (that’s not what you hired me for).
  • chasing you to take responsibility for yourself, schedule your sessions, or do the homework we come up with at the end of every session.
  • babying your ego instead of challenging you to break the patterns you hired me to help you break.
  • “bending over backwards” for you when it’s detrimental to my quality of life.
  • being your “projection punching bag” when you’re having a bad day (instead just ask for my help! That’s what I’m here for.).
  • never having any tech glitches, ever (that’s impossible, even for Bill Gates).
  • never making a mistake.
  • solving all of your problems in one session and being responsible for your entire life’s happiness (only you can ultimately be responsible for that).
  • being your replacement mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend.
  • being “punished” with claims of not caring about you or not supporting you enough because I didn’t get to hang out with you in person when I happened to be in your town.
  • withstanding passive-aggressive or direct attacks on myself or my team just because you didn’t get the exact times you wanted for our sessions every month.
  • playing along with the ways in which you pretend to be small and never hold you accountable to your greatness.
  • being in a codependent relationship with you.

Sometimes I will answer a text after 6pm.
Sometimes I will be THRILLED to meet up with you in person if my schedule permits (because I love all of the people I work with and I always want to give them big hugs).
Sometimes I will be happy to hop on the phone with you for an extra 10 minutes beyond what your contract states, or stay on a little longer until we get the issue you needed help with, resolved.
Sometimes I will text you back right away if the time is open for me when you text me.

But I do all of these things because I choose to, as extra kindnesses, from a place of delight, when the time and energy permits. They are not “obligations,” but rather extra special things I like to do from time to time because I am that kind of coach, who will go that extra mile for you — but not to the detriment of my peace of mind and joy.

Paying me money does not mean that you get to control my sovereignty or my personal life in order to fit your schedule. It does not mean you get to lambast my team, and call me names because I couldn’t accommodate your last minute request.

I don’t believe in being obligated to “bend over backwards” for anyone.

Because if you really think about that phrase and what it implies, you’ll see that it’s actually unhealthy to “expect” anyone to “bend over backwards for you,” just because money exchanged hands for their services.

First of all, to keep this metaphor up, it can really hurt a person’s back to do that. And why would you desire people to always hurt their backs for your convenience?

Usually if someone “bends over backwards” for you, it’s because they want to and choose to — not because they are “obligated to.” (Unless the contract you signed says you are paying for them bending over backwards for you).

Imagine how you would feel if someone always expected you to bend over backwards and hurt yourself for them.

That wouldn’t feel very good would it?

You’d get resentful and then you wouldn’t want to do those special favors for them out of the goodness in your heart. They would lose their specialness because now it would be “expected” all the time. And your back wouldn’t be able to handle it after a while, and you’d get really hurt in the long run.

These days I only bend over backwards for situations like the one I had this December when my sister’s baby almost died, and I took the redeye from California to Maryland and went straight to the hospital without a wink of sleep, just in time to put my hands on her back as she finally let herself cry. I had the energy to be there for my sister and my niece because I don’t constantly “bend over backwards” for every little thing.

By the way, dear client, none of these things mean I don’t care about you or don’t care about your success. On the contrary, it’s because I care so much that these boundaries are in place. When they are in place, I can show up and give you my best — which is what you paid for, right?

I would be failing you as a coach if I didn’t set these boundaries. Because my greatest responsibility is to model for you what it looks like to be in healthy, interdependent, and joyful relationship with the world around you, whether that be your relationship with your business, clients, friends, lovers, body, or your self.

Thank you for honoring the agreements we spoke out loud and for not creating extra unspoken agreements I never agreed to, and then getting mad at me or lashing out because I didn’t meet those unspoken expectations. I am a human being, with feelings and I really don’t like being treated that way or spoken to in that manner.

Thank you for honoring yourself by surrendering to the container I set up for you, which your soul picked out by choosing me as your coach, so that you can thrive at your highest. After all, you hired me because I’m the best of the best, I know what I’m doing, and the boundaries I have in place are there because they help you get the best results out of your program with me.

It’s an honor to serve you and I know we are going to do great things together. Now let’s get ready to kick some ass and get you want you want.

If you find yourself in any of the stories above and you’re a client to a coach, I know this might be hard for you to hear. But if you let it in, you’ll notice a huge breakthrough happens as you begin to take deeper responsibility for your life and your actions.

If you find yourself in the stories above and you’re offering transformational services to clients in exchange for money:

Insert your own terms above in the “what’s included” section.
Write your own letter.
Read it out loud to yourself as a reminder.
Read out loud as needed.
Reclaim your power.

It is okay for you to build a business and a life that feels good to you, and you do not have to explain yourself or apologize for that, just because money exchanged hands. Ever.

 

With love,

 

 

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On not drowning, frustration & trust.

When I was five years old, I fell into a pool while all the adults in my family had their backs turned to me. My mother describes it to me as hearing a slight “thunk” in water, and suddenly my uncle was diving into the pool to pull me out.

Whenever I have heard my mother tell this story, I always imagine what it must have been like in my child mind during the seconds I was floating in the blue waters, devoid of sound and air. I picture myself with my hair floating above my head, skirt drifting around my face and my skinny arms and legs suspended in this peaceful cerulean space between moments.

I have no memory of this incident. No regression therapy has ever pulled it out of me. It is destined to be a memory cobbled together from other people’s stories.

But I’ve often wondered what I felt and thought while I floated in this new sensation of being underwater for the first time, with no control. Only the ability to be present in my forced surrender, watching the light refracting through the water and dancing across the concrete bottom of the pool.

I’m in this dream world all alone. There is a wooden dock hanging precariously over an ocean or a large lake that reminds me of lakes in Montanas. So big you think you’re at sea.

The water looks so inviting. I climb down the dock stairs, and now I am in the water, fully clothed. It is the perfect temperature. I feel it warming me and cooling me in all the right places as I wade through with my arms.

It’s so easy to wade through. The water isn’t fighting me. The weight of my clothes isn’t pulling me down. I am gliding through it with my arms and covering great distances with very little effort. In the distance, I see some beautiful mountains. I want to get closer to them to take in their beauty up close, so I keep swimming. Far, far out I go, filled with the pleasure of this perfect feeling water.

I am so happy. Teeming with joy. Grinning as the water glints off my face. I’m not thinking about creepy things under my feet that I can’t see, or random fish biting me.

Just gliding.

When I get to the point where I’m ready to turn back, I do, and see that the dock is so far away I can barely see it. Suddenly, a thought enters my mind — and for a moment my body contracts in fear.

What if I swum out too far and I don’t have the strength to make it back? What if I drown because I went too far for my body to handle?

The fear is so potent it rushes through my brain covering it in a thick, grey cloud.

And then I feel it. A warm current rushes in from behind me and begins to rapidly pull me in towards the dock and the shore.

I instantly feel better.

Oh! The current is helping me get there faster so that it’s easy for me to get there!

I let my body go with the current. Accepting its help. The dock comes closer and closer in my view. I am feeling so loved and supported by this current.

But then the current veers into a swirling circle in the water and a memory from my childhood flashes back.

The moment I stood helpless at 12 on the shores of the beach in Panama, watching my grandfather almost drown. My dog had gone in first and had gotten caught in a strong current that resembled an underwater cyclone. My grandfather dove in to save the dog, but got caught in it himself.

As his head began to go under, I ran towards the water to try to help him but he shouted at me “stay out!”. I remember the suspended feeling inside of me while I stood there watching him fight with every last ounce of strength he had, heeding his command to let him die rather than help him and risk my life. I remember what his face looked like as he came to the realization he may not make it out. It is something I will never forget. That space of no control between moments where there are no thoughts, just presence, as you hang in the balance.

He made it out.

He lay on the sand for a while after that. I watched his hairy back heaving up and down as the sun evaporated the water from his skin. Knowing full well how different this could have turned out had he not been spit out from the current at the last moment. My dog shaking off and shivering, oblivious to the wrinkle in time we had just experienced. The fork which we’d come to with paths not taken that, when considered, made you shudder.

This memory is coming back to me in this dream now as the current pulls me into a circle and I panic for a few seconds thinking I might be caught and pulled under. But then, as if to assure me, the current spits me back out, gently towards the shore.

I arrive at the dock and climb out, letting the breeze dry me.

The Universe wants to help you, Lisa. She is conspiring for you, not against you. Let her carry you. It’s safe to let go now and accept more help.

I hear this loving, ancient voice speaking from within the caverns of my flesh and I breathe.

I’m in a huge field now. I look up at the sky, point my fingers and toes downwards and now I am 10,000 feet in the air. Somewhere in England, looking down at old stone farmhouses and sheep that are tiny dots to my eye.

I am flying, zipping all around, exhilarated by the cool air in my lungs and the way I can control the speed and direction of where I want to go so effortlessly.

Wahoooooooo

I am grinning, letting the air currents take me where I want to go by using the sheer motor-power of my desire.

I touch down on the ground again and launch myself back up. But now, I can’t control the speed at which I go anymore. Instead I float, slowly, suspended in the air as my hair drifts above my head.

I am in this cerulean sky, the space between moments, floating in a forced surrender.

I try to push to go faster. But nothing happens. I get frustrated.

Be present.
You are not powerless because you can’t control the speed or you’re forced to slow down.
What if you’re going slow because that is what is needed right now?
What if you trusted this is all perfect?
We are taking you where you need to go, no matter the pace.
Let us carry you.
We are conspiring in your favor.

The voice is here again, weaving her way up my lungs and soothing me.

And then, I let go. The frustration disappears.

I am suspended in this forced surrender, just watching the light refracting through the clouds and dancing across the green plains below.

A great peace comes over me and I breathe.

I don’t need to recall the memory of my five year old self almost drowning in order to know what was going through my mind as I sat there floating underwater in the seconds before I was rescued.

I know.

You are held.
You are held.
You are held.

No matter what.

Trust.

It can be easy if you’ll let us hold you.

I hear the same voice that resounds from caverns of flesh, bone & sinew, through veins and heartbeats, from the beginning of time and all the way to the never-end.

You are on the cusp of something big.
You have been led to this moment throughout your entire life.
It has been woven by your soul and the unconditional love & life force that is in everything.
You have been held and loved even when you didn’t know it.

It is safe to step up now and step into the next level of your calling.
It is safe to show up in this new level of your power and leadership.
It is safe to pull back the curtain and show your raw, pulsating heart.

It is safe to claim this larger space and to fill it with your light.

It may not always look to be going your way.
Your ego may think you’re being led into an underwater cyclone to drown you, or an assured destruction that drops from 10,000 feet in the air to a loud, sharp splat.

But what if, for just a moment, you were to trust that you’re being led to the exact place that you need to be?

What if the currents of fortune are speeding you towards your desire?

What if what appears to your ego as true, is actually an illusion?

What if, as you step through the threshold in between two worlds, you simply trust this thin, golden strand which has inexplicably pulled you through the doorway and into the next level of your soul leadership in the world?

What if all you have to do is create the space for yourself to listen for the directions from within your own soul?

Slow down.
Speed up.
Wait.
Float.
Let go.
Allow.

What might you discover or leave as a legacy in the world if you trust that you are held and let the current of your passion simply pull you forward?

 

With love,

 

 

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Spiritual elitism & ego shaming: I’m so over it

I’ll be honest, I’m SO OVER self-appointed spiritual gurus and teachers shaming the ego. You might think that is weird for me to say — someone who is here to teach all about the importance of the soul. But I am. So over it.

You need your ego to be an effective and powerful leader. In today’s vlog you’ll learn:

  • The spiritual elitist shaming technique I am so over
  • How to find the right balance between your ego and your soul
  • How to get your soul and your ego to support your desires and tap into your true power as a leader

Click below to watch the short video I made for you this week. If you’re here to lead in a big way, this is one relationship you need to get into balance to unleash the full power of your gifts so you can serve at a higher level.

 

 

With love,

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Headaches, weird dreams, insomnia & emotional? Here’s why.

Here’s what I know about you: you’re successful, smart and intuitive. You’re creative and ambitious. Sure, you’ve already built or created amazing things, but lately you can feel it, can’t you? There’s another deeper layer to your life and work that is calling to you.

And that’s exactly why you’re feeling funky in the last few weeks. Because you are a lightworker, whether you call it that or something else. And all lightworkers right now are going through this for a very specific, important reason.

I made you an audio on the blog this week to tell you all about what the heck is going on energetically in August and what steps we can take to move through it in a way that powerfully propels us forward into the next great level of our already amazing work, with ease.

Listen to this week’s audio blog below and let me know what you got out of it in the comments below when you’re done!

Know a friend who could benefit from listening to this? Share this with them!

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