I work with people who know that they’re supposed to be making a big contribution but for reasons they can’t quite pin down, they’re just not doing it. I help to light that inner spark that sets their revolution in motion.


On naysayers, dreamcrushers & bright hope

On Naysayers, Dreamcrushers, & Bright Hope

 

It has happened to all of us at some point.

You carried a dream within you like a piece of bright hope,
a soul-calling growing like a gleaming ember in your chest.

That dream that set your palms ablaze with wild possibility whenever
you allowed yourself to visualize it…quickened your breathing as the hot
air of its anticipation funneled its way from your lungs into your impatient mouth.

Could this really be?

Finally, trembling, you released its red-hot ember from your tongue and spoke it
into the air, releasing a wisp of charged smoke. You gave it words and in doing so,
began the process of making it a reality, timorously weaving it into the fabric of space
and time.

This summoned all of your courage.
This placed all of your timid hope on the edge of your palms as an offering to the
world, your most sacred alm in service of humanity.

And someone crushed it.

Instead of gasping in admiration of your sacred offering, carefully taking it under
their soft wing and helping you nurture it into a full grown, living being, they stomped
all over it, until it became a dark piece of burned out coal.

Ashamed and embarrassed, you swallowed it bitterly down your throat and there it sat
extinguished in the center of your chest, heavy and foolish. And stupid.
And you vowed to never let it sing again. Too painful to let this happen again.

Not safe.
No one wants this anyway.
Why was I so stupid to think that this could be a reality?

Sound familiar?

My dream-crusher was Walter.

A tiny, 70 year old award-winning teacher of voice in the music department at college.
A thin, shriveled man in a mustard cardigan and brown polyester pants, whose lips
puckered into a prune when he said to me with such conviction and all-knowingness,

“I’m not going to lie, you’re incredibly talented. Your voice could be one of the greats.
But you’ll never, ever make it as a singer. You’re 19 and it’s too late for you.
You should have started when you were 15. You should give up.”

I went home that morning to my dorm room steps and cried my eyes out while
the rest of campus began to wake up. I felt like someone had crushed my heart
into a thousand smithereens, blasted my chest out with a shotgun. But still I went
back to my next voice lesson with him out of sheer defiance.

And in that follow up lesson I learned one of the most important lessons
I’ve ever learned about how to deal with dream crushers and how to keep your
dream protected.

Walter could see I was visibly upset when I walked into his classroom the
day after he had told me I should “give up now, because it’s unlikely”.

So naturally he tried to explain himself, “I was a young teenager like you once
and I had great hopes and aspirations of being a successful musician myself.
But my teacher showed me it was not to be for me. And I’m just trying to stop
you from wasting your time, like I did”.

And there it was.
Like a wave it came crashing over me.
Seeing.
And compassion.

He actually thought he was helping me.

He could not see that telling himself that his dream-crushing speech was helpful was
his way of avoiding the one thing he was most terrified to find out.

What if the person who reminded him of himself when he was 19, rose and made it?

It would prove to him that he had wasted all those years repressing his own
dream and he couldn’t bare to face the fact that he had given up on himself.

Better to tell himself he’s “helping” by making sure others follow in his footsteps.

I could see his fear like an orange halo around his head as he “helped” me that day.
I saw the weight and the permanent crack in his heart caused by denying himself
the one thing he’d been called to from the time he was a little boy.
I felt how he had caved in upon himself trying to keep his desire down.

And I felt so sad for him.

A dreamcrusher is a person who has had their dreams crushed too.
Only they swallowed the bitter pill of that crushed dream, internalized it and
made someone else’s opinion their reality.

Whenever a bright shiny person with a dream comes around them, it is too
painful for them to bear, because it reminds them of the hope they once held
inside and had to bury, long ago. Not only are they left with the pain of burying
their calling, but they are also dealing with years of dying to themselves every
time they held back that dream of theirs. So they feel they have to crush your
dream, to stop the pain in themselves.

If you have a calling, hear me loud and clear–no one is the authority on your
purpose, unless that someone is you.

In Fred Astaire’s first audition, the casting director wrote down:
“Can’t act. Can’t sing. Balding. Can dance a little”.

I read an article recently about an 80 year old man who started learning to play
the piano in his late 60’s and is now a highly respected piano virtuoso traveling
all over the world giving concerts.

Misty Copeland was just named the head ballerina at American Ballet Theatre after
being told she “didn’t have the body to become a prima ballerina” and is the first
African-American woman to hold that position.

The illusion of “it’s too late” or “you can’t do that” is just that.
An illusion in someone else’s brain.

No one can get inside of your soul, listen to your soul’s voice guiding you and
tell you what it’s saying–only you can interpret that.

So if you’ve had a dream crushed by someone, you have a choice.

You can become like them and shrivel into the pain of holding back, or
you can make today the day to light that lump of coal stuck in your chest
and let it begin its slow burn again.

See your dream-crushers for what they are–wounded ones who had their
light snuffed out by someone else. Not authorities on whether or not you’re fit
to follow your deepest calling.

Their opinions are not facts and they never really had anything to do with you….
Those opinions DO have everything to do with the pain they’ve been fighting all
those years that they haven’t allowed themselves to live their calling.

Can you imagine how painful that is? If we learn to see the dreamcrushers for
the wounded beings they are, we can use our compassion to create healing for
them, too.

But while you hold compassion for your dreamcrusher, don’t forget that you
are the protector and nurturer of your dream.

I stopped going to my lessons with Walter after I “saw” him.

Though I felt compassion for him, I realized this was a person living in a paradigm
and perspective that I did not want near my burgeoning dream.

And I was wasting a lot of energy trying to prove him wrong. Energy that could be
spent on someone who did believe in my dream.

And though it did take me many years after that experience to recover from his words,
and I still get nervous about singing in public to this day, I eventually did begin to sing
in public again. Life has taken me in a different direction which I also love… and
when my soul feels called to sing professionally again…I will.

In the end, you are the tender of the sacred flames of your calling.
You are the nurturer of your soul’s most profound desires.
You create and weave the dream of your life as you see fit.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.

I’d love to hear from you below–have you had a dream crushed?
If you’re still holding it back, what’s one baby step you can take to revive it?

…………………………..

ps: Here’s a quick little video I recorded of me singing, if you fancy a watch.

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When You Don’t Know What To Do, Do What’s True

do whats true
photo by Kym Pham

 

When you’ve finally decided that enough is enough.
When you’ve finally decided that you’re done with living in the too-tight,
unsexy handcuffs of your deadening comfort.

When you finally decide you are no longer willing to move through your days
in between states of lost, confused and half-dead, with no help…

a great stillness comes over you and your chest is flooded with relief.

The oxygen of peace, clarity and excitement for the journey ahead fills your
lungs with a new sense of hope and wonder.  You are high with the clarity
you’ve been waiting for and the future ahead is sparkling gold.

But a fair warning, dear soul-traveler…

That moment is short lived.

Because before you take soul-aligned action, confidently in the direction
of your dreams… Before you blaze forth in a trail of fire, success & glory,
with all eyes on you while you live the life of your dreams…

there is another moment, that most are too embarrassed to talk about.
In fact, most try everything they can to hide it, deny it and ignore it.

And yet it is the most sacred moment of your entire journey.
And it’s also the hardest.

After the high of casting off your complacency and numbness fades and you’ve
made your decision to quit your job, hire that coach, make that investment,
travel the world, write that book, cut out that toxic pattern, sing that song…

things will get really quiet.

You are stepping into the new & unknown.
The world around you will slow down and all will seem still.
Too still, in fact.

Your brain will not like this moment.
It will want to know what’s next.
It will want to know your plan.
What you will do to keep yourself safe.

It will throw you into a panic.
It will shove you out into a barren desert of dark-night-of-the-soul.

And then you will question everything you just decided and a part of you
will try to claw its way out of the decision you just made like a desperate
beast fighting for its very last ounce of life.

What once liberated you will now feel like a cage.

Your brain will not be satisfied until it has CLARITY.
All the steps.
All the proof that every step will succeed.
Guarantees.

That this idea of yours will make money.
That you won’t lose your whole business, all your clients or die.

You will spend money, time & energy in search of that elusive word:

Clarity.

If only you had it, then you’d know it’s safe to move forward.
Then you’d actually take the real leap, the real risk.

But that is not the way that it works.  
It has never worked that way.
Ever.

And like a star that can only be seen in our peripheral vision at night,
the more you try to find it, the more clarity will elude you.

Because clarity cannot be found through the mind or outside of you.

In between the moment in which you awaken from the numbness of your soul’s
slumber and finally take powerful, forward-moving action towards your purpose,
with deep, soul-aligned clarity…there is a pregnant pause.

You will be asked to slough off the skin of your former self and step into
the new and unknown body of who you really are.  Beyond the illusions, beyond
what you’ve been told & indoctrinated into all of these years.

Because you’ve never done this before…
Because you’re stepping into a whole new level of soul-alignment…

you will not know any of the answers.

You will not be able to garner any “proof” to soothe your ego-mind’s panic attacks
over your stepping into this sacred unknown terrain of your soul, that is now begging
to be explored.

So, if you feel lost, awash in the desert of unknown…
If you’re up at night in a panic and your mind is reeling and you feel like you’re falling
through a black hole with nothing to grab on to stop your fall.

This is what you do:

Get quiet.
Take a deep breath.
Listen.

And do what’s true.

It doesn’t have to make sense.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Just listen for what’s true for you in this very moment.

And do what’s true.

So many people will bombard you with copyrighted 10 step methods
to more clarity.

But clarity isn’t a 10 step method.

Clarity is born.

From the unknown.
From the silence.
From listening.

From doing what’s true, one step at a time.

When nothing makes sense and you don’t know what to do, simply drop out of your head, drop out of having to know, drop out of needing to figure it out with your mind…

And do what’s true.  In that moment.
In the next.
In the next.

Just do what’s true.

………….

In the comments below, I’d love to know, what’s one thing that is true for you in this moment,  that you are going to do this week?

…………

ps:  learning to listen to what your soul wants you to do isn’t always easy.
When we’ve spent years suppressing our soul’s voice, it can be hard to hear
her/him at first.  If you need help with accessing your own, soul-aligned clarity,
I won’t teach you a 10 step method, but I will show you how to tap into your own
intuition and unlock your own soul’s code, so that you CAN hear your soul giving
you the next steps for YOU.
I’ve just recorded an hour long Seer Transmission for my new InSight™ membership community, on how to navigate the sacred pause, the sacred silence that comes on after we make the decision to be true.  If you’re needing more clarity and want to stop feeling afraid of the sacred pause–you will love this video training.
But you only get access to it as part of your monthly InSight™ membership.
For only $97/month you can join a powerful community of awakening and awakened change-makers like you and get monthly coaching and support.
Click here to find out more & sign up.

 

 

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The Truth About Clarity

Truth about clarity

photo by GeneticBoi

 

Clarity, here we are again.

Just when I think we’ve figured you out.
Just when I think I’ve found a way to make you stay and settle, you are the
wild-haired woman who slips out of my bed and into the evening, naked.
Owned by no one except the underwater stirrings of her soul.

I am angry today.
Because you’ve left me again, sheets still warm as I wake.

I am angry because I can’t make you arrive when I desire you,
force you to stay at my disposal.  Control you.

I can’t put you into a neat little ego box like I want to.  

I can’t make you part of the perfect life plan that I’m supposed to want,
the one that looks great from the outside, the one everyone approves of,
the one everyone wants; the one where I get to be a somebody, everything
is easy and the books are piled perfectly on my coffee table like a cute,
well-branded Instagram image.

The one I’m embarrassed I don’t have, because it means I can’t keep up with
the Joneses, I’m not good enough, I’m too much.  The one I’m ashamed to admit
a small part of me still feels that she has to want.

Clarity, my throat is choked with these hot, orange coals.  

I can’t make you part of the victim story my ego wants to hold on to, the story
that insists I can’t move forward without you.

I want to rage and bellow like Pele devouring the earth.

“How DARE you force me to move on without you?
How dare you leave me when I was just getting my feet back onto firm ground?
Don’t you know I have plans, places to be, people to impress?
How DARE you not be there when I want you?
I NEED you so that I can be a somebody! ”

…………….

As I felt the fire rise up inside of me, I knew what I had to do.

I felt the hot magma of ancient, ancestral, volcanic ego-rage rise up in my belly,
burning up all of my insides.

My ego is dying.  She is not happy about it.

She is a dark queen transformed into a fearsome dragon.  Her stories are falling
apart all around her.  They are her babies that she has nurtured and fed into horrible
gruesome things that cannot support an aligned, prosperous life.  They are withering
under the bright light of my soul’s voice, unleashed.  And I was the one that let it in.
Created my own initiation.

So she fights furiously inside of me until her very last breath, screaming
blood-curdlingly, “this is not fair!  How dare you challenge me? How dare you ask
me to get into alignment?”

Clarity, my ego so desperately wants you.  

She tells herself the story that when you arrive, she will then be able to create
the perfect life she is so attached to making happen.
She tells herself that when you arrive, she will move forward.
Until then, what I know I am called to do must be held back, must be suppressed,
must be held off.

Stay stuck until clarity comes.
Because the unknown is too frightening to step into fully, blind.

Ego wants guarantees.
She thinks clarity can be manipulated to give her a guarantee.

So I chase you, Clarity.
I spend a lot of money and pay experts to tell me where you might be hiding.
I go on spiritual quests, walk deserts without water and look for you under
every rock.  I put my fate in the hands of others who tell me they can give me
the clarity I seek.

But I am still thirsty for you.
And my throat is burned with this anger at you for forcing me to go within and
find you.  Because it seems so much easier to just put my clarity, my answers in
the hands of another.  It feels so much easier to abdicate my personal responsibility
to another.

It feels less frightening to say “I’ll do what I’m really meant to do, I’ll listen to the
voice of my soul…but not until someday, when clarity arrives”.

It feels easier to pretend I’m looking for you by hiring all of these people outside
of me to tell me where you are, Clarity, so that I don’t have to actually face you
and be forced to face the things I know I’ll have to face in order for me to step into
what has always been there for me to do on this planet.

So I take myself on a self-imposed chase, when all along you have
been here, deeply encoded into my soul.

In the swirling embers of my belly, I feel Kali rising now, wearing her face of
fierce compassion, swinging her righteous sword at the multiple heads of my ego.

One by one, the dragon’s heads roll to the ground.
One by one, the stories go up in a pile of smoke.
One by one, the masks I am wearing are incinerated.

Kali’s fierce, blazing eyes of unconditional love pierce into mine.
She opens her swirling mouth of flames and says to me,

Clarity has never left you.
Clarity is not outside of you.
Clarity is your birthright and it lies in YOU.

Be brave.  Look within.  Do the work to access her.
Have the courage to listen to the whisperings of your soul.

Only then will you get the clarity you long for.
Only then will you finally rest within the calling you were meant for
and blaze forward into an aligned, truly prosperous existence.

And when you step into deep internal clarity, the code to your purpose
& prosperity will be unlocked.

This is the work for the truly dedicated.
This is the work for those who want to live their soul’s art.
This is the work for those who want to discover the meaning of true prosperity.
This is the work for those who want to leave a legacy on this earth.
This is the work who want to be aligned and so, truly free.
This is the work for those who are courageous enough to say yes to the
calling of their Soul.

And if that is you, this is your invitation, dear Brilliant soul.

The most beautiful, most financially accessible way to work with me that I
have ever created.  

Because I’m tired of watching you question your own innate brilliance.

Doubt yourself, try to fit yourself into someone else’s mold.

I’m tired of watching you struggle and continue to tell yourself that someone else
has the answers, when the clarity and aligned confidence you seek is right there,
waiting to be accessed in your soul.

Clarity is not elusive.

It does not lie outside of you.  All of the answers you need to know, to all of
the questions, lie inside of you.

You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.
You have to learn the practice of sitting in silence with your soul,
so that the clarity that lies within her can arise.

On one thing I am very clear.

You are who I am called to serve.

And I don’t have all the answers, let me be clear.
I’m not the expert you can use to fool yourself into believing that
the
answers lie outside of you.  I’m not going to hold that
kind of space for you.

I’m going to hold up the mirror for you to continuously look within to
your intuition every time you want to step out of yourself for the answers.

Imagine your life being guided from the deep, soul-aligned clarity
that you’ve
been craving. Always knowing the right steps
for you when you’re faced with
a difficult decision.  

Being able to tell the difference between your soul and your ego.

What would that feel like?

So, love, this program is not about me giving you the answers.

It’s about me guiding you as priestess, as Seer, and holder of the space,
into you finding the clarity that already lies in your soul.

It’s about you living your life (and business) in alignment with
your truth.
It’s about you stepping into true prosperity
in every area of your life.

Imagine right now what your life would feel like if you make every
decision in your life and business from that soul-aligned place.  

Without self-doubt, without fear holding any part of you back.

What would be possible?
Who would you finally be?
What abundance could you draw in towards yourself?

I’ve created a space for you to finally do this beautiful work your soul
has been longing for and craving.

The invitation has arrived my love.

Will you finally take it?

Click here to learn more and accept the invitation.

 

 

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Part 2: Why Lost Is The Best Place To Be.

Lost Part 2

photo by GeneticBoi

 

(Last you heard from me we had just left off on a cliffhanger over here —> Part 1 of Why Lost Is The Best Place To Be.    If you haven’t read that one yet, read it so that this one makes sense.)

After 2 hours of climbing the volcano, almost 45 minutes from reaching the top, I suddenly became violently ill.  I doubled over with the worst menstrual cramps I have ever had and my whole body began to shake.  I had to be rushed down the mountain and proceeded to pass out for hours into a deep fitful sleep full of heavy dreams.

When I finally regained my strength, I went to a cafe where I met up with two new friends, Andy and Libby, that I had just met 3 days before, but who were the kind of friends you feel you’ve known for lifetimes.

Now, in one of my first of several soul-stirring conversations with these new friends of mine, I had mentioned a beautiful shop I found in Ubud (Bali) that sold sacred geometry jewelry and sacred objects.  Among the most amazing things in that shop were these huge scepters made of large crystals and ornate carvings.  Just looking at them you could feel the power.  But they were also quite expensive, so I had chosen not to purchase one.

“Not practical” said my brain.

Besides, that was the sort of thing only a very powerful priestess or wizard would hold in their hand, right?  Who am I kidding?

That morning at the cafe, they disappeared for 15 minutes and went for a walk together.
When they came back from their walk, they plunked down a package right in front of me.
“What is this?”, I said as the realization slowly began to dawn on me based on the shape
of the package in my lap.

It was the most beautiful scepter in the shop.

sceptor

“We went to that shop after you told us about it.  When we saw this scepter we just knew that you were meant to have it.  It feels like it’s meant to be yours”.

I cried when I held it in my hands.

Two days later, Libby, who heard my story about beginning my cycle on a volcano, during the full moon in Scorpio, sent me this, written by Zahra Haji:

“You won’t find a lot of literature about women who cycle with the Red Moon.  My guess is that’s because of what menstruating with the full moon represented in the past… This cycle was linked to the archetype of the seductress, the enchantress and the woman who knew how to wield healing power and magic.  This was the kind of woman whose sexuality was applied to something ‘other than’ the formation of the next generation.  She was considered by our patriarchal ancestors as the ‘evil woman.’

In truth, the Red Moon cycle belonged to the medicine women, to the mid-wives, the magic-makers and the wisdom keepers of the community.  These women were not focusing their feminine energies to give birth to children. Rather their energy was used to empower other women and their communities.”

Sign. Received.

It was like the Universe finally said to me  “You want to know what you’re supposed to be doing? That thing you’re supposed to put in the forefront?  Well HERE’S YOUR SIGN DAMNIT!  Now shut up!”

Delivered with a dramatic volcano evacuation and a HUGE priestess scepter to boot.

I’m feeling pretty clear now.
AND I’m still totally lost.

And what I’ve come to realize is…that’s okay.

Just like I’d say to you–it doesn’t disqualify me from doing my work, in fact, it makes me more qualified to guide people…because I’ve been there too and have been pulling myself out of it for the past 2 years.

I feel more clear than ever on what has to come to the forefront in my business and in my work with you now.  And my soul voice knows exactly how that’s going to play out and how I’m going to share it with you.  I’ll be sharing it with you first here.

And my brain feels a bit lost still because I’m going to be sharing things, marketing and inviting you, in my community, in very different ways.  I will still retain some things that I genuinely like, not all of the past is bad.  Do I know how it’s all going to look?  Not always.
I’ll be creating new things I’ve never seen done before, marketing and sharing in ways that fit into a whole new paradigm.

My ego still pops up every once in a while and screams “you’re crazy!!”

But that’s the work that I teach and that’s the work I live by–to keep going even
when your ego is freaking out.  To trust the voice of your soul.

I know I haven’t been alone in this.
All of my clients have been going through the same.
All of my successful colleagues are feeling this way.

It’s up in our collective, majorly.  

Many, many of us are feeling lost right now.
Many of us are questioning our very identity, who we want to be in the world, if what we’ve built really is what we want to continue to build in the future.

Many of us are feeling confused, disconnected, burned out…
Many of us want to know if there’s a better way to do things than the ways we’ve been told.
Many of us are looking for more meaning and wanting to do work that feels 100% aligned.
Many of us don’t want to use conventional tactics anymore.

But we’re afraid to really step out with it.
Because it goes against conventional marketing.
it goes against what we’re told “most people want”.
It might mean we lose some things along the way.

Or we’re willing to step out with our true purpose, but we can’t seem to find the right words
or we can’t clearly see the next step.

I’m here to tell you there is a gift in being lost.
There is a gift in letting it all go.

It’s actually very, very important part of the process of aligning with your Soul.

Sometimes we’ve got to get lost, completely lost and burn everything to the ground
to do the great work we were called here to do.
Sometimes we’ve got to get totally foggy to get true, soul-aligned clarity.

Because when we finally surrender to lost, everything goes silent.

And in that silence, we get rid of all the noise, all of the “blueprints” and templates,
all of the things people tell us we should and shouldn’t do or be, all of the do’s and don’ts
that have been ruling our lives and holding back our most authentic expression.

In that silence we can finally hear the whispering of our Soul.

And your soul has all the answers you need to become the being you were born to be.

Each and every one of our souls has a unique “code”.  It’s own blueprint, if you will,
that contains all of the step by step directions you need to live your purpose and
claim your prosperity.

But we live in a world that tells us it’s dangerous to get lost, to clear space for silence.
“Not practical” “Too busy for that!”
A world that tells us we need external answers to “make it”.

And what I’ve learned in the past 2 years of being lost in the wilderness of the battle
between my ego and my soul, is that that is all BS.

The truth is that our whole world is changing.  We have been feeling it for months now.

We are being ushered into a new paradigm.
A paradigm where our Souls guide us, and the only blueprint we need is the one within.

We, the lost, are the avant gardes here to create a new reality.

And this is me putting my priestess scepter in the air, my wizard staff into the ground and saying, let’s get started.

I’m clear now that I have always been and always will be one of your guides in helping you unlock your Soul’s code so that you can live a life that is in full alignment with who you are called to be.

And unlocking your Soul’s code is all you need to guide yourself through the lost times, through the darkness and into decisions that are fully aligned with the truth of who you were always meant to be.  The answers are not outside of you.

In this loud world where everyone in the old paradigm is selling you blueprints & templates and is trying to tell you how you should or shouldn’t do something, it’s time for you to step into a place where space is being held for you to be quiet and listen to the voice of your own Soul, you own intuition.  Hear what She says about your next steps.

That is how you build a life that honors your Soul and your life’s purpose.

I feel deeply called to support you in this way and to offer this space for you–this has
always been and is now my purpose.

The way to do this was revealed to me in a vision after my experiences in Bali–to offer a free tele-gathering for you in my community, where we will sit as a community and learn the first steps we need to take to begin to listen to the soul voice within–once and for all.

Because I want you to make powerful soul-aligned action in your life.  

I don’t want you to hold part of yourself back and always feel restless and confused or uncertain.

All of those things hold back the full brilliance of your light.
And that is not acceptable.

This is what I have been guiding my clients in for years, it’s what I was born to do and it’s the very thing I”ve been doing for the past 2 years of being lost in the wilderness of my confusion.

So I’m inviting you to a free tele-gathering on June 9th at 9pm EST/6pm PST, where I’m going to teach you for free how to Unlock Your Soul’s Code & Claim Your Prosperity Now.

Because your work and you are so badly needed in this world as we move into the new paradigm our world is being ushered into.  We are the leaders of this movement that is arising and when you doubt the voice of your Soul and hold back what you’re truly meant to do in this world, we lose out.  Big time.

We cannot step into this new paradigm as a collective without you, full on shining, not one ounce of you being held back.

I hope to see you on the tele-gathering so that we can usher this new paradigm in together.

And until then, remember, embrace your “lost”.

Wandering in the wasteland of lost, you’re clearing out all of the debris that is no longer you and creating a solid, clean foundation for you to build the great work you were always meant to do in this world.

Listen.  Be still.  Be lost.

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If this has helped you or resonated with you in any way, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.  How have you been feeling lost?  How do you plan on embracing it?


If you have a friend who’s feeling lost, make sure you share this with them too!

 

 

 

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Why Lost is the Best Place to Be

Lost Part 1

photo by GeneticBoi

 

There I was in Bali a month ago, staying in a beautiful villa overlooking the rice fields.
It was like a dream come true…but I was crying my eyes out.

It was 7:30am and I had just spent a sleepless night tossing and turning, feeling as if I
had been thrown out to sea without a life vest.  When I heard the sound of my friend
outside, I walked out of my bedroom and burst into tears:

“I feel totally lost.  I’ve never felt this lost before”, I said to her as her eyes narrowed
with concern.

The straight truth is that I had been feeling this way for two years, on and off.

Me, who had helped thousands of people get clarity and honor their souls by doing the
work they were truly called here to do, me who had tons of clients out there in full
prosperity doing work that they love because of the laser-like precision I’d used to
help them get clarity…

was completely, utterly lost.

It began two years ago as a subtle whisper.
And then it became a series of riskier and riskier demands.

After the break up of a 6 year relationship,  a voice inside of me said to me “sell
everything you own, give up your coveted lease for your cute little apartment in
New Jersey and move to Panama.  Go nomadic”.

I threw away beautiful letters I had saved from old boyfriends, childhood mementos
and gave away all of my brand new furniture that I had just invested in.
I moved.

After a year living in Panama, completely isolated from everyone, in a
total cocoon of my own making, something else began to stir inside me.

It began to whisper to me “this is the last year you will lead your high end mastermind,
it’s time to cut it”.  Now THAT was crazy, I thought.  That mastermind was responsible
for almost $200,000 in revenue for my business every year and it was my favorite
program to run.  How would I survive without it?  How would I pay my team? My bills?

I had a lengthy discussion with my financial manager to make sure this wasn’t a totally
insane decision…and I cut the program.

Then the panic attacks began.

It started at 4am one morning.
I woke up sweating profusely with my mind asking the question
“what are you doing?? you’re throwing everything away! everything you’ve built!”

and alternately, another part of me kept asking me questions that threw me into a
whole other sort of panic: “who am I really?  what am I here to do? what am I doing
in the world?”.

My brain thought all of this was very odd.
I had a successful business helping entrepreneurs grow their businesses.
What was there to question?

But the panic attacks persisted for weeks, then months.

There was something in the message of my business that was no longer feeling
aligned.  Something was being birthed, something that I had already been doing,
but something that needed to come out more into the forefront.

But it was totally confusing because I didn’t quite know WHAT the thing was that
didn’t feel aligned and I certainly didn’t have access yet to the thing that WOULD feel
aligned.

No matter how much I tried to ignore it when I woke up in the morning, keep running
my business as I always had and keep up with the positive mindset, it always returned
at night.

So I finally allowed myself to surrender and go down the rabbit hole that those
questions were asking me to explore.

“What is it that wants to be born?”, I asked.
You know, whispered the voice of my soul.

“I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking! Please just tell me what to do and I”ll do it!”,
I whined. Not right now.  It’s not time for you to know, said the voice of my soul.

“So I’m just supposed to sit here in limbo?  I can’t do that! I have a business to run!
I have programs to launch and newsletters to write and a tribe to communicate with!
I need to feel clear in my head so that I can successfully launch my next two programs,
make enough money to survive and to be able to help more people!  Please!
Why won’t you just tell me?”,

I demanded.

I’m sorry but right now you just have to do nothing.  Sit in empty presence.
Sit in the void. Observe.  Listen.  Be Lost,
 said my soul.

So wait I did.  Listen I did.
I accepted lost.
And it was fucking terrifying.
I’m not going to lie.

My ego wanted so badly to hang on to the things she had already built which were
working so well and she did NOT want to have to re-evaluate and rebuild all over again.

Lost was not convenient.

When I embraced lost and listened to my soul, I heard, “I want you to write my book.  I
want you to give me more space.  I’m tired.  I want you to create time for love. I want
clients to show up to do the SOUL WORK that you are genius at and not just work on
business strategy. I want you to get lost in the world more.  I want you to do the deeper
more “woo woo” work you’re doing with the women at your retreats, more often.  There
is something 
you are not paying attention to.  There is something you are not
fully honoring.
 Why 
are you ignoring it?”

But my brain didn’t like what was coming from my soul.
She fought being lost to the death.

I was billing myself as a business coach because my ego told me that was the only
thing that would make sense to people in order for them to want to work with me.

But what I’ve really been doing all these years is:

SEEING my clients down to the core,
CHALLENGING their most insidious limiting beliefs & the BS that holds them back.
CLARIFYING what’s actually TRUE for them and what their soul is here to do so that they
have that deep clarity to take powerful action, and…
ALIGNING their lives with their deepest truth so they can honor their Soul and do what
they are truly called here to do in this lifetime.

Yet my brain had no idea how the hell to market THAT.  At least not in all of the
conventional ways everyone out there tells you to.

This was some truly avant garde stuff here.  And the work was sometimes so deep and
intangible that even when I asked clients to describe what it was like to work with me,
sometimes they didn’t have the words to describe it, all they knew was that their lives
were completely changed forever.

“So forget about telling people that THAT is what I do”, said my brain.
“Unmarketable.  Weird.  Better stick with talking about  the business results, THAT
people can understand.  Stick with what you know works!  Do you want to lose your
whole business talking about intangible weird things?”, my ego ranted.

I stayed in this state of constant back and forth for months and months.

Even though I said “yes” to being in the sea of lost, I was uncomfortable with being lost.
I dipped a toe in and then would back track.
To my ego/brain, being lost meant there was something “wrong”.

I had to “fix” it and get the answers.

So I hired intuitives, tarot readers, business coaches, strategists and other experts to
help me. I expended a great amount of energy in investing money in outside sources
to give me the answers I was looking for.

But still I was lost.

To make it more terrifying, every time I surrendered to lost, things began to
fall away.

Old clients I had worked with for years, were now just not in alignment for our work
anymore. Old programs that had sold out and been so popular suddenly had half the
number of signups.  Some things just didn’t even fill up at all.  Revenue shrank.
An assistant that I hired vanished into thin air one day leaving me with a mountain
of unfinished work while I was on vacation.

My brain used all of these incidences as “proof” that my soul’s guidance was wrong.
But my soul felt cool, calm and collected.

The night after my breakdown in Bali, I decided to climb a volcano.
Maybe, just maybe I would get my answers there, I thought.
I woke up at 2am, got dressed and headed up the mountain.

As I looked up at the full, blood moon in Scorpio (my moon is also in Scorpio, so
I knew this was a good time to make a wish), I said a little prayer:

“Dear Universe, I am ready now to be totally lost.  Even if it means I lose everything,
even if it means everything I have built comes crashing down, I will do it.  I will trust in
the guidance you’ve been giving me.  I surrender to my purpose and I will do as She
wishes.  I have a hunch about what that might be, can you please send me a sign if
I’m right?  I’m ready to receive it. ”

You won’t believe the two, unquestionable signs I received next.

______________________________

To be continued…

Click here to read Part 2 of Why Lost Is The Best Place To Be

 

 

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