I work with people who know that they’re supposed to be making a big contribution but for reasons they can’t quite pin down, they’re just not doing it. I help to light that inner spark that sets their revolution in motion.


On burning everything to the ground, true prosperity & soul alignment

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I’d like to say it came upon me gently, like a light breeze brushing up against my shoulder, blowing a few strands of my hair into the open air, tickling my cheek.

But it didn’t.

It hit me like a freight train.

There are some realizations so big they crack your vision of the world in half and no matter how much you try to claw your way back to the cozy dream you were existing in, you’ll never, ever get it back.

And so it was with the incident that caused me to go into a deep identity shift in my purpose and my business about a year and a half ago.

The day it happened I was standing in my apartment in Panama, waiting for the air repair guy to finish fixing my air conditioner, which had decided to go kaput in the middle of the hottest day of the month.

I looked down at his boots.  His muddy, ripped up work boots.

I inhaled his scent–the slightly musky-earthy-humid scent.  Not quite BO yet, but the sweat of a man who has been working in tropical heat all day, sweating in the crisp clothes his wife washed and ironed for him the night before.  Hoping that the scent of unnatural chemical flowers from his laundry detergent masked the fact that he is a working man.  Not a man who sits in air conditioning in a suit all day.

As I watched him crane his neck to check out the rest of my apartment, a beautiful apartment sitting right on the Pacific ocean.  With 24/7 air conditioning going…

I looked down at the total juxtaposition of his muddy, torn boots on my pristine carpet and I was suddenly hit so hard with the contrast of the two completely different worlds colliding.

This man would leave my apartment in a few minutes and I would continue my privileged life (which I will admit I worked damn hard for–it was not handed to me) in air conditioning.  I’d have a few coaching calls, write a blog post, then sit down with an organic meal to watch my favorite Netflix shows, have a bubble bath and lay my head down on soft cotton sheets on a memory foam bed.

Meanwhile, he would run to a few more house calls in his half-broken down car with no air conditioning and a rosary hanging from his mirror, while crackling salsa music warbled out of his damaged radio.

He’d sit in 4 hours of traffic just to get outside of the city to his country house that is the only house he can actually afford to live in, with dirt floors and windows made out of cement construction blocks.  He’d sit with his wife in the hot kitchen at the metal table eating a big plate of rice and beans, because they’re cheap and they fill you up, flicking away the flies.

I could feel the longing he had for my life, radiating off of him. And the hopelessness he felt over how hard he’d have to work to get an apartment like mine one day.  And the very possible reality that he probably never would, based on how elitist Panamanian society can be.

And I suddenly saw myself in his eyes, like some kind of total alien. I thought “I must look like some totally privileged rich bitch who never had to work a day in her life”.  I knew that wasn’t true, I’ve worked damn hard for everything I have and nothing has been handed to me.  But still, he didn’t know that.
And I could see his perspective. And the contrast between our two lives was very real.

Something happened to me in that moment.  All day long, I kept thinking of those boots on my carpet.  The stark contrast of our two very different lives.  And it felt like I was suddenly seeing things more sharply.  That is the only way I can describe it.

I went to sleep that night thinking about those boots.

The next morning I woke up, did my normal morning routine and sat down to work.
I logged in to Facebook first and my eyes were instantly flooded with posts in my feed…

“Check out the latest branding for my new program!”
Click.
Perfectly laid out images airbrushed to perfection, with perfectly styled outfits, blinged out jewelry, upbeat, cute fonts.  Empty inspirational quotes written by some copywriter, expertly created to position you in a certain way, to complete the illusion you are selling.  Sitting on a luxury couch in a fancy hotel lobby, laughing with mouth wide open in the middle of a busy street, depicting a life only available in magazines.

An ad promising multiple six figures in just six months–hey you can be just like me if you buy my program!  Instagram feeds filled with perfectly curated photos, with books stacked neatly on a pristine white coffee table.  More ads promising six figures, more clients, how to become the next celebrity coach, how to triple your income, triple your list, triple your influence…

I read through several posts of young business owners stressing out about their branding not being “high end enough”.  Some posts from other business owners bragging about celebrity entrepreneurs they had met.  I could feel the sense of importance and worth it gave them to say out loud to the world of Facebook that they were now friends with “insert celebrity coach name here.”

I saw photos posted of networking parties with top influencers..because maybe, just maybe that would make others see them as important too…

It was all a reflection.  I was looking in a mirror because a small part of me had gotten wrapped up in all of that too.  And I had felt the same way and done some of those things too.

And it was now all staring me right in the face.  
This was the world I had somehow gotten swept up into.

I thought of those boots on my carpet.
More real than any silly stressor I had over what color I should pick for my program banner.
I felt sick to my stomach.
I shut my laptop down.

Suddenly, the world I had been steeped in, the world of marketing tactics, branding obsession, spending thousands on websites to create images that will make your clients feel just bad enough that they will want your life and pay you thousands of dollars to become like you…

It just felt so empty.  And petty.  And meaningless.

And I realized, I had been feeling empty for months.

At this point, I was at the height of my business.
I had pulled in almost $300,000 dollars that year.  I had wait lists of people who wanted to work with me.  Sold out programs.  So many interview requests I was turning them down.

And I was burned out, unfulfilled, had lost my creative spark & had to literally push myself to do the basic things for my business that I needed to do every day.

I was exhausted all the time.  Everything about running my business felt so tiring. I just wanted someone to come in and take over my business so that I would no longer have to be responsible for any of it.  I couldn’t figure out what was going on.

In the course of the next few weeks, those boots on my carpet stayed with me. And everything I thought I knew and that had been so “real” to me began to slowly crack and peel away, like cheap paint on a crumbling wall.

I was hit with how deeply out of alignment I had been with my own soul, and I hadn’t even realized it until I saw those dirty work boots on my carpet.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not like I had just seen the contrast between my hard earned privilege and the lives others lead, for the first time.  Since I was a little girl, I’ve known my mission was not to think only about myself.  I was always deeply concerned with social welfare and the underprivileged.  I had started my business to serve people and
ultimately to shift the social 
paradigms that cause such inequality in our world.  There had always been soul in my work. This is why my business had become so successful in the first place –my people could feel I cared about them and I had become known as the no BS, truth-telling coach.

But at some point a small part of me became swept up in the world of experts and strategy.  I became obsessed with the latest marketing tactics and branding.  The who’s who of coaches that I needed to work with.  A small part of my brain, a tiny part of me making sure I was being seen with these people in photos.  Curating the perfect affiliate relationships.

Strategy strategy strategy.
Chipping off little bits of my soul.

I spent so much money on strategy.  Strategy to make sure I would be seen.  On gurus who had the blueprints for success.  And it had worked!  I had everything I thought I had ever wanted.

But I was unhappy because at some point, I had stopped letting my soul call the shots and my ego had taken over.  At first I wanted to be seen so that I could help more people…and then at some point being seen became some personal thing that validated my ego.  That made me feel worthy enough.  The amount of likes I had on a Facebook post suddenly was a measuring tape for my value as a human being. A predictor of whether or not people liked my work.

The entire paradigm of the entrepreneurial world I was building my business in was based on this.

Do this step by step process and then you will have success.
It worked for me! Try it!

And the subtext of all of it, which I could now see clear as day was:

You are broken.  You need to be fixed.  You are not worthy enough…
So that means your own creative impulses, your own soul voice…it’s broken too.
So don’t listen to your soul.  Listen to me.

If you buy my program.  If you get good enough branding.  If you have quirky enough
quotes on your memes.  If you hire the perfect copywriter.  If you have your professional photos taken a certain way.  If you work with this celebrity coach.  If you hang out with this clique of people.  If you join the right mastermind.  If you spend thousands of dollars on these programs.  If you’re dating this kind of person.  If you make six figures.  If you’re seen in a photo with so and so or get mentioned by someone who has millions of Twitter followers….

Then you will be good enough.  Then you will have value.  Then you will finally make
money.  Then you will be worth something.  This is the ONLY way to do it.

And I was seeing it all around me.

I remember having a sales conversation with a woman who was interested in working with me.  When she found out I wasn’t best friends with a certain celebrity coach, she immediately stated that she was looking to work with someone who had the right connections and the type of “stature” she needed to be associated with.  Seriously.
That happened.

And that week of the boots on my carpet, I had gotten off the phone with a client who had almost bankrupted herself trying to keep up with all of the things that she needed to “make it”.  All of the things the experts had told her she needed to do. I could see her throwing money at everything she could think of that would help her “make it big”, a growing list of certifications, signing up for all the popular programs….
hoping it would make her be seen as one of the “it coaches” you’d want to work with.

She thought that was what would bring in income & the life she wanted to create for herself. Not that you are clear on who you are and what you do, not that your work is brilliant and really helps your clients.  But instead, that you are seen as famous enough to get people to want to work with you.

I knew that wounding well.  I could feel the part of me that was just like my client.

What was really going on was that she had a deep wound around not being seen. Around needing to be the best.  So she was busting her butt creating something that was not even what her soul wanted, because she was being driven by the ego wound of needing to be “good enough”.  And the environment of our entrepreneurial world had become the perfect place for her ego to play the “I’m not good enough until I’m famous” game.

Another client had come to me after already spending $30,000 signing up for all the “right” coaching programs with the celebrity coaches and she was still unable to move out of her parents house and pay for her own basic living expenses with her business. She was disillusioned and simultaneously obsessed with the cliques in her industry that she couldn’t seem to get into.  Her branding had changed five times and she had gone through 7 different titles to describe her work by the time she had come to me.  The issue was not her branding. The issue was that she had gotten obsessed with external validation and had forgotten to ask her soul what kind of business she actually wanted to create.

I could write ten pages with these kinds of stories.
And a similar story was running like a movie in a small part of my brain.

With all of my clients, I had to coach them through this, reminding them of WHY they had gotten into this in the first place.  It wasn’t to be famous, or to be seen, or to make six figures…it was because their souls had called them to do this. All of the others stuff was just ego bullshit.

And as I sat with my own burnout….

With the fact that the magic was gone in my business and it had become a dead albatross tied down to my neck, weighing heavily upon me…with the fact that something didn’t feel “right” anymore.

With the fact that I had been suppressing a lot of my burgeoning soul gifts for months now and felt trapped in my “brand” when there were so many things I longed to write and speak about.

With the fact that I was terrified to truly do what my soul was calling me to do, speak and write about, afraid of branding myself the way my soul was asking me to…because what my soul was asking me to do went against what all the industry “experts” told me I needed to do in order to be a “somebody” and make money…and what if that meant I lost all my clients, my money and my business??

With the fact that I felt foggy and confused about what I was REALLY called here to do because my ego was speaking so loudly I couldn’t hear the voice of my soul…

As I sat with all of those things and all of the clients coming to me, suffering from the same exact problem and the loudness of the “game” all around me whenever I opened up my email or social media to see the latest offerings and posturings of my entrepreneurial world….

I realized that I was at a point where, if I didn’t start listening to my soul’s voice,
I would begin losing money anyway.  

And that apart from money, building my business in this way had come at a great cost to my soul.

Because that which is not in alignment with your soul can never be long term sustainable.

So I listened to my soul.
And my soul told me to let it all go.

I cut the largest revenue producing program in my business.
I stopped taking 1:1 clients that didn’t feel aligned.
I became super internal and stopped communicating with a lot of people.
And yes, for a while I did make a lot less money.

All along my ego was freaking out.
A few times, my ego told me to go against my soul in order to make sure I was making enough money.  Mysteriously, hardly anyone signed up for those offerings.

And I continued to step into the void, the unknown.
And I waited.

And slowly my soul began to speak.

Over the course of many months, she began to guide me.  Show me, little by little what I was truly here to do.  What a truly soul-aligned business would look like.

And I watched as my energy came back.  I watched my creative spark return. I started to feel rested, nourished & fulfilled by my work again.

And here I am standing in the most aligned place I have ever been in my business. Feeling much better than I have in a long time. And I honor my process.  I could care less what everyone else is doing. Or whether my brand is likeable enough.  Or famous enough.

I’m over the hell it is to be wrapped up in that rat race.
All it does is pull you away from what you’re really here to do.
All it does is fill you brain with petty concerns when what’s truly real is the disparity between those ripped up construction boots on my pristine, expensive carpet.

All it does is silence the voice of your soul and make you lose the “why” of why you started on this path in the first place.

All the while, I noticed that in the last two years, almost every client I have worked with has mirrored my journey.  All of my clients began to come to me with the same exact issue.

They had placed strategy above soul.
And they were paying for it.

What I know now, after plunging deeply into this work with myself and my clients, is that the more in alignment we are with our souls, the more aligned our communities of the people that we serve will be.

And what’s funny is we spend all of this time worrying that by being true to ourselves, and letting the truth of who we really are radiate out in our work…that we will somehow lose all of the clients, money and business we worked so hard to build.

But what I have found along this journey to be true for me and the people I’ve guided through the soul-alignment process, is that the more in alignment you are, the more you begin to attract TRUE prosperity.

I mean true soul prosperity.  Aligned prosperity doesn’t look like a strong attachment to seven figures.  Aligned prosperity looks like having all your needs met, trusting that the Universe will provide in exchange for the beautiful work you are doing.  And knowing how much you TRULY need, money-wise, to be happy.

Sometimes that looks like seven figures.  Sometimes that looks like less.
It’s all according to what YOUR soul wants.
Not some random income number some expert told you to get to in order to be “worthy enough”.

Prosperity includes financial abundance, yes.
Don’t worry I’m not telling you you have to go broke.
What I mean is that prosperity means that you are thriving in every area of your life and in alignment with your soul financially AND you are truly fulfilled by your business.
It enhances your life and the growth of your soul.

And you don’t give a crap about keeping up with the joneses.
Or what everyone else is doing.
Because the only strategy you need comes directly from your Soul.

I truly believe this is the new paradigm our world is shifting into.

For too long we have suppressed the soul voice in favor of the scarcity fears and the woundings of the ego.  For too long we have believed in the story that we are broken.

We get wrapped up in all of that chaos and suddenly we’re confused, don’t know who we are, why we’re here, or why we started our businesses in the first place.

We see income dwindle and wonder why.
Or maybe our income is doing great but we feel exhausted and burned out by what we’ve created and don’t know why we want to quit it all and move to a tiny, simple cabin in the middle of nowhere.

I’m not saying that branding, marketing & hiring coaches that happen to be celebrities is all ego-based.  But let’s make sure that we access your soul voice
FIRST, so that the branding, marketing & coach-hiring you’re doing actually is aligned with your true purpose.

Otherwise all you will do is build something that looks great on the outside but will make you feel miserable in the long run.  In the end it will fall apart because it is out of alignment.

It ALL, ALL comes down to soul alignment.

It has become such a huge resounding need in our community.
Regularly, not only do I support clients in this very problem, but colleagues have come to me in the same existential crisis.  It became very clear to me that this is what I’m meant to assist in.  Soul-Alignment. Because it is key to your happiness and to fulfilling your soul’s calling in this lifetime.

And it’s clear that a new perspective on living your calling in the world is needed.

So this is my sacred invitation to you, love.

I’m announcing today that I have created a new, completely free two part coaching series for purpose driven business owners.

It’s called:  Soul Aligned Business: Placing Soul Over Strategy.

If you’re of the growing tribe of business owners who are ready for your business to be the work of art that expresses your soul’s calling and creates powerful, true transformation in the world around you.  If you’re like us and you’re finally ready to feel truly nourished and fulfilled by what you do and invite deep, soul-aligned prosperity into your life. If you’re over all the bullshit your ego tells you that you have to be in order to be worthy of living your true calling.

Then this is for you.

I want to open myself up to be of the most service I can be, to those who are ready to seek a new way of creating prosperity.  To those who want to get back to the soul, back to the basics of why we are actually here.

So, beyond creating this free coaching series for purpose-driven business owners, I’m opening up applications for three spots for live, free coaching from me on both calls when you join the free coaching series.  

Will you join me?

Click here to sign up for Soul Aligned Business: Placing Soul Over Strategy.
A free coaching series for purpose driven business owners.

I’m still thinking about those boots on my carpet.  How I can lessen that gap, that contrast. And I’m so grateful to that man for giving me the perspective shift I needed that day.

I’m seeing clearly now.
And it may not always be the pretty illusion I want it to be.
But it feels damn good.

It feels soul-aligned.

1399403240

Lisa Fabrega

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Beware of the mythical “neg”

lisanewsletter

(photo by GeneticBoi)

 

I was working away at my computer when it came in.
The familiar ding of a Facebook message, distracting me from what I was doing…

For some reason, this time, I clicked over to read it.

I don’t normally check my messages, my assistant does.
And when I read his message, I felt it was a little too personal for someone who doesn’t
know me at all.  Something in my intuition felt “off” about this dude.

But I saw that we had a very dear friend of mine in common and I saw his native
language was not English (he was European).  I dismissed my intuitive “red flag” as me
being paranoid and excused the overly intimate tone as having to do with a language barrier.

“Nice to meet you.  I see we have my dear friend xxxx in common. How do you two
know each other?”, I wrote back, brief, courteous and professional.

His response mentioned they did some personal development work in the same
circles…and then he ended the email by saying that he had looked at my website and
at my latest offering and he found it to be “interesting” except for the fact that he felt it
was so “American” and he didn’t like how I marketed.  The words felt quite condescending.

I remember reading that message and feeling my entire body be a no to further
communication with this person.   He had just introduced himself to me, barely knowing
me, yet speaking to me like we had been friends for years.  Then proceeded to
compliment me and then simultaneously tear down my work…without me ever
requesting any of this feedback.

My mind didn’t know why my body was an immediate no,
but it would soon catch up.

I never responded to his message. And I got busy.
And over the course of several weeks, his comments below my photos and posts
began to pop up.  The words seemed innocuous, but every time I got a notification
of one of his comments on my posts, I felt like my energy & personal space was
being intruded upon.  It never felt good.

Still I dismissed this as being “my issue” and being paranoid and I just didn’t respond to
the comments assuming he would eventually just go away.

Then this week, I got one final message from him.

“Wow, you’re so American.  It’s kind of amazing.”

It was then that I knew in my mind what he was doing.

I immediately blocked him from all of my Facebook accounts.
Goodbye.

I texted my friend who we had in common and told him I had blocked the creepy dude
and I didn’t understand how they were friends.  He said “wow, that’s kind of harsh”.

No, it’s actually not harsh.  Not at all.

Let me tell you why.

That guy was doing what is known in the world of sleazy, “pickup” dating advice as a “neg”.

The definition of a neg is this:

A neg is a backhanded compliment, usually said by a man to a woman, to surprise and/or annoy her so she does a double take and tries to prove her value to the man. Negging comes from the Pick Up Artist community and was a very popular method suggested to men who wanted to take very attractive women “down a notch” in the mid 2000s…if the neg works properly, the woman will try to prove her value to the man by engaging him, chasing him or other preening behaviors that show sexual or romantic interest.

Let’s rewind to the part that I find most fucked up about this “tactic”:
The part that says that the neg is meant to get the woman to “prove her value to the man”.

You know why I find that part to be the grossest about this tactic?
Because it requires that we ask people to step into their brokenness so that we can gain
power and control over them.

Think about it.

We live in a world where our “brokenness” is taught as if it were a given.

From the moment we’re born we are told there is something to fix.
Our religions…
teach us all about our original sin that we must wipe away through acts of contrition.

Our work ethic…
in Western culture teaches us we must kill ourselves in order to prove that we are of
value and worthy of reward.

Old paradigm marketing & selling…
insists we must remind people of how broken they are in order for them to buy a
product or service from us that will fix their problems.

Many coaches, therapists and personal development leaders… coach from needing to
“fix” their clients and keep them in co-dependent relationships for years (and this also
guarantees their income for a long time…how convenient).

“I am broken” is a story that permeates our entire world.
It’s a story that I have spent years shattering with my clients and in my programs.

It is such a deep story that our egos are attached to, that I have actually had clients
get angry and insult me because I refused to coach them from the story of “yes, you
are broken, so let me fix you” and instead kept bringing them back to their wholeness
and back to the truth that they already know.

And why is it such a popular belief?

Because when you can convince someone that they are broken and that you, in
turn, have the solution, you have power over them.

And when you believe in your brokenness, you get to surrender your sovereignty
and not do the sometimes hard work of being personally responsible for creating
your own life.  Much easier to blame someone else instead of taking responsibility.

Ouch. I know that one hurt.
It hurts me to admit it whenever I catch myself believing in my mythical broken-ness, too.

When you reinforce the belief in people that they are broken, through your speech and
your actions, you can manipulate them by using their wounding against them.

If you believe you’re broken, you will never trust your intuition that says “I know what I
need and want” and instead you will constantly be looking for some guru outside of you
to give you the answers.  Because how could you trust intuition that comes from your
“broken” body and soul?

That’s the power of propagating the “We are broken” story.

And that is exactly what that creepy dude was trying to do to me.
He was “negging” me.

The person who tries to “neg” you, basically requires for you to be broken
in order to engage with you.  

Beyond the fact that this is incredibly screwed up that someone would want you to be
in your brokenness in order for them to talk to you…the person who negs does this
because they believe in the story that they are deeply broken too.

Rather than step into their wholeness and celebrate a woman who has good self esteem
& high confidence, they would rather stay in their smallness and bring you down a notch
to their level.

So you’re damn right I blocked him.

And no, it wasn’t harsh.

In fact, it was the greatest act of self-respect and self-love that I could do for myself.
And it is the greatest act of self-respect and self-love that you could do for you, too.

Any person that requires you to be less than all of who you are in order for them
to
feel comfortable being around you, should not be a part of your world.

But this doesn’t just happen between men and women and in the pickup world.

After I blocked this man permanently from my space, I got to thinking about when else
I have had this “off” feeling in my body.

I started to realize all the ways that “negging” has show up in my world.  And all the
ways which we allow it to happen, because we dismiss our intuition that something
feels wrong.

You see, the person who negs is a master of words.
They will cut you down but you will have a hard time finding evidence of it
in their words.
They’ll slam you with a big smile on their face and you’re the one left
doubting yourself.

Like the Facebook commenter who thanked me for the free 30 minute video I made
on Periscope but then proceeded to tell me it was “delivered a bit late”..

Or the person on Instagram who I have never met, giving me a “compliment” about how
much better I looked now that I had lost some weight. (No one ever has the right to
make comments about your body without your consent).

Or the person who emailed me after I spent 2 hours teaching some of my best content
on a totally complimentary call to serve my community, to say “thank you for 2 hours of
free content but honestly I was disappointed in you because you didn’t talk about _____,
which is what I wanted you to talk about. I expected more of you, frankly”.

Or the client who I used to leave every session with feeling like I had been repeatedly
punched in the stomach, but had no words of hers to point to that would show me why
I felt that way.

Or the friend and colleague who I promoted and referred so many clients to, who
became more and more threatened, the more I moved out of my own “I am broken”
stories..

As I began to move into my wholeness I began to speak about my gifts more publicly.
Every time I posted about it, I would get a text message about what was wrong in my
post astrologically or veiled comments about “newbies” needing to respect that the
masters know more and have been doing it longer.

I started noticing that every time I walked away from interacting with her or hanging out
with her, I felt like I had been cut down. Like I was a bad person just for finally letting
myself be fully me. When I finally confronted her about it, like a true neg afficionado,
she denied it all and told me I must be imagining things.

Or the other friend who, when we sat next to an attractive man on the plane, cut my
accomplishments down in front of him by saying, with a laugh “oh well Lisa, that’s not
true”, right after I had finished sharing with him.

The people who like to “neg” have this down to a science.
They will cut you down and then act like you’re the crazy one.
In fact, I think some people have gotten so used to negging, that they don’t even realize
they are doing it anymore.

The danger in being around people who neg you, is that you doubt your intuition.
Have enough people negging you in your life and you suddenly snowball into losing all
trust in your gut feelings and you begin to take the advice of people outside of you,
instead of trusting the wholeness and wisdom within you.

Before you know it, you’re doubting your dreams, you’re doubting that you’re a good
person, you’re doubting the messages from your heart and you now believe in your brokenness.

And you stop creating.
Because you now believe that your own impulses are broken and cannot be trusted.
You give up your power to the opinions and thoughts of the person who is negging
you and start requiring outside answers to make any decision in your life.

You lose your sovereignty and your access to the divine wisdom within you.

My love, choose the people who are lifted up by you soaring to new heights and
want to be the wind beneath your wings.
Choose the people who see you already in your wholeness and who address you
in that manner.
Choose the people who challenge you to believe in nothing but your wholeness.

Does believing we are whole mean believing we are perfect and can do no wrong?
No. Absolutely not.
Like a famous Buddhist monk once said…
“We are all whole and we have a lot of work to do.”

But if your intuition tells you that something is “off” about the way this person speaks
to you, if you constantly feel cut down when you leave a person’s presence…even if
you can’t put your finger on it, even if you can’t “prove it” entirely, listen to your gut.

Deep down, you know, my love.
You know.

Just like, if I’m honest with myself, I knew the minute that creepy Facebook dude
messaged me that something was off. Just like I knew, months in to my friendships
mentioned above, that these people were not totally on my side. Just like I knew that
that was the wrong client for me and endured energetic punches in the guts for months
until I was fed up and fired her. Just like those commenters on social media and
newsletter subscribers that wrote in with backhanded compliments were actually
repeat offenders and I let it slide for too long.

All of those people are not in my life or my energy field anymore.

Be fierce about who or what you allow around your energy field because it will
affect the fate of your dreams.

This doesn’t mean we can’t view those who neg us with compassion.
It doesn’t mean we are making them “bad people” or “other”.

People who neg are just people who are caught up in their brokenness.
They see someone shining brightly in their wholeness and it frightens them.

Because it means they just might have to take responsibility for themselves and
step into their own wholeness too. And living your life as a sovereign being vs.
a victim that gets tossed around by the Universe is scary because it means we have
to stop blaming other people for the circumstances we have the power to change.

So, today I want to issue you a challenge, love.

Are you willing to step out of the story that you are broken and into the reality
that you are whole?

Are you willing to take a fierce stand for your heart, your intuition and your dreams
by stopping the pattern of allowing people who neg you to rule your life?

If so, comment “I am whole and I claim my sovereignty!” below.
Better yet, share this post with an “I am whole and I claim my sovereignty!” to
inspire others to step into their wholeness, too.

It’s time to give up the illusion of brokenness once and for all.

And you have nothing to prove. To anyone. Ever.
You are whole.

 

 

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On naysayers, dreamcrushers & bright hope

On Naysayers, Dreamcrushers, & Bright Hope

 

It has happened to all of us at some point.

You carried a dream within you like a piece of bright hope,
a soul-calling growing like a gleaming ember in your chest.

That dream that set your palms ablaze with wild possibility whenever
you allowed yourself to visualize it…quickened your breathing as the hot
air of its anticipation funneled its way from your lungs into your impatient mouth.

Could this really be?

Finally, trembling, you released its red-hot ember from your tongue and spoke it
into the air, releasing a wisp of charged smoke. You gave it words and in doing so,
began the process of making it a reality, timorously weaving it into the fabric of space
and time.

This summoned all of your courage.
This placed all of your timid hope on the edge of your palms as an offering to the
world, your most sacred alm in service of humanity.

And someone crushed it.

Instead of gasping in admiration of your sacred offering, carefully taking it under
their soft wing and helping you nurture it into a full grown, living being, they stomped
all over it, until it became a dark piece of burned out coal.

Ashamed and embarrassed, you swallowed it bitterly down your throat and there it sat
extinguished in the center of your chest, heavy and foolish. And stupid.
And you vowed to never let it sing again. Too painful to let this happen again.

Not safe.
No one wants this anyway.
Why was I so stupid to think that this could be a reality?

Sound familiar?

My dream-crusher was Walter.

A tiny, 70 year old award-winning teacher of voice in the music department at college.
A thin, shriveled man in a mustard cardigan and brown polyester pants, whose lips
puckered into a prune when he said to me with such conviction and all-knowingness,

“I’m not going to lie, you’re incredibly talented. Your voice could be one of the greats.
But you’ll never, ever make it as a singer. You’re 19 and it’s too late for you.
You should have started when you were 15. You should give up.”

I went home that morning to my dorm room steps and cried my eyes out while
the rest of campus began to wake up. I felt like someone had crushed my heart
into a thousand smithereens, blasted my chest out with a shotgun. But still I went
back to my next voice lesson with him out of sheer defiance.

And in that follow up lesson I learned one of the most important lessons
I’ve ever learned about how to deal with dream crushers and how to keep your
dream protected.

Walter could see I was visibly upset when I walked into his classroom the
day after he had told me I should “give up now, because it’s unlikely”.

So naturally he tried to explain himself, “I was a young teenager like you once
and I had great hopes and aspirations of being a successful musician myself.
But my teacher showed me it was not to be for me. And I’m just trying to stop
you from wasting your time, like I did”.

And there it was.
Like a wave it came crashing over me.
Seeing.
And compassion.

He actually thought he was helping me.

He could not see that telling himself that his dream-crushing speech was helpful was
his way of avoiding the one thing he was most terrified to find out.

What if the person who reminded him of himself when he was 19, rose and made it?

It would prove to him that he had wasted all those years repressing his own
dream and he couldn’t bare to face the fact that he had given up on himself.

Better to tell himself he’s “helping” by making sure others follow in his footsteps.

I could see his fear like an orange halo around his head as he “helped” me that day.
I saw the weight and the permanent crack in his heart caused by denying himself
the one thing he’d been called to from the time he was a little boy.
I felt how he had caved in upon himself trying to keep his desire down.

And I felt so sad for him.

A dreamcrusher is a person who has had their dreams crushed too.
Only they swallowed the bitter pill of that crushed dream, internalized it and
made someone else’s opinion their reality.

Whenever a bright shiny person with a dream comes around them, it is too
painful for them to bear, because it reminds them of the hope they once held
inside and had to bury, long ago. Not only are they left with the pain of burying
their calling, but they are also dealing with years of dying to themselves every
time they held back that dream of theirs. So they feel they have to crush your
dream, to stop the pain in themselves.

If you have a calling, hear me loud and clear–no one is the authority on your
purpose, unless that someone is you.

In Fred Astaire’s first audition, the casting director wrote down:
“Can’t act. Can’t sing. Balding. Can dance a little”.

I read an article recently about an 80 year old man who started learning to play
the piano in his late 60’s and is now a highly respected piano virtuoso traveling
all over the world giving concerts.

Misty Copeland was just named the head ballerina at American Ballet Theatre after
being told she “didn’t have the body to become a prima ballerina” and is the first
African-American woman to hold that position.

The illusion of “it’s too late” or “you can’t do that” is just that.
An illusion in someone else’s brain.

No one can get inside of your soul, listen to your soul’s voice guiding you and
tell you what it’s saying–only you can interpret that.

So if you’ve had a dream crushed by someone, you have a choice.

You can become like them and shrivel into the pain of holding back, or
you can make today the day to light that lump of coal stuck in your chest
and let it begin its slow burn again.

See your dream-crushers for what they are–wounded ones who had their
light snuffed out by someone else. Not authorities on whether or not you’re fit
to follow your deepest calling.

Their opinions are not facts and they never really had anything to do with you….
Those opinions DO have everything to do with the pain they’ve been fighting all
those years that they haven’t allowed themselves to live their calling.

Can you imagine how painful that is? If we learn to see the dreamcrushers for
the wounded beings they are, we can use our compassion to create healing for
them, too.

But while you hold compassion for your dreamcrusher, don’t forget that you
are the protector and nurturer of your dream.

I stopped going to my lessons with Walter after I “saw” him.

Though I felt compassion for him, I realized this was a person living in a paradigm
and perspective that I did not want near my burgeoning dream.

And I was wasting a lot of energy trying to prove him wrong. Energy that could be
spent on someone who did believe in my dream.

And though it did take me many years after that experience to recover from his words,
and I still get nervous about singing in public to this day, I eventually did begin to sing
in public again. Life has taken me in a different direction which I also love… and
when my soul feels called to sing professionally again…I will.

In the end, you are the tender of the sacred flames of your calling.
You are the nurturer of your soul’s most profound desires.
You create and weave the dream of your life as you see fit.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you any different.

I’d love to hear from you below–have you had a dream crushed?
If you’re still holding it back, what’s one baby step you can take to revive it?

…………………………..

ps: Here’s a quick little video I recorded of me singing, if you fancy a watch.

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When You Don’t Know What To Do, Do What’s True

do whats true
photo by Kym Pham

 

When you’ve finally decided that enough is enough.
When you’ve finally decided that you’re done with living in the too-tight,
unsexy handcuffs of your deadening comfort.

When you finally decide you are no longer willing to move through your days
in between states of lost, confused and half-dead, with no help…

a great stillness comes over you and your chest is flooded with relief.

The oxygen of peace, clarity and excitement for the journey ahead fills your
lungs with a new sense of hope and wonder.  You are high with the clarity
you’ve been waiting for and the future ahead is sparkling gold.

But a fair warning, dear soul-traveler…

That moment is short lived.

Because before you take soul-aligned action, confidently in the direction
of your dreams… Before you blaze forth in a trail of fire, success & glory,
with all eyes on you while you live the life of your dreams…

there is another moment, that most are too embarrassed to talk about.
In fact, most try everything they can to hide it, deny it and ignore it.

And yet it is the most sacred moment of your entire journey.
And it’s also the hardest.

After the high of casting off your complacency and numbness fades and you’ve
made your decision to quit your job, hire that coach, make that investment,
travel the world, write that book, cut out that toxic pattern, sing that song…

things will get really quiet.

You are stepping into the new & unknown.
The world around you will slow down and all will seem still.
Too still, in fact.

Your brain will not like this moment.
It will want to know what’s next.
It will want to know your plan.
What you will do to keep yourself safe.

It will throw you into a panic.
It will shove you out into a barren desert of dark-night-of-the-soul.

And then you will question everything you just decided and a part of you
will try to claw its way out of the decision you just made like a desperate
beast fighting for its very last ounce of life.

What once liberated you will now feel like a cage.

Your brain will not be satisfied until it has CLARITY.
All the steps.
All the proof that every step will succeed.
Guarantees.

That this idea of yours will make money.
That you won’t lose your whole business, all your clients or die.

You will spend money, time & energy in search of that elusive word:

Clarity.

If only you had it, then you’d know it’s safe to move forward.
Then you’d actually take the real leap, the real risk.

But that is not the way that it works.  
It has never worked that way.
Ever.

And like a star that can only be seen in our peripheral vision at night,
the more you try to find it, the more clarity will elude you.

Because clarity cannot be found through the mind or outside of you.

In between the moment in which you awaken from the numbness of your soul’s
slumber and finally take powerful, forward-moving action towards your purpose,
with deep, soul-aligned clarity…there is a pregnant pause.

You will be asked to slough off the skin of your former self and step into
the new and unknown body of who you really are.  Beyond the illusions, beyond
what you’ve been told & indoctrinated into all of these years.

Because you’ve never done this before…
Because you’re stepping into a whole new level of soul-alignment…

you will not know any of the answers.

You will not be able to garner any “proof” to soothe your ego-mind’s panic attacks
over your stepping into this sacred unknown terrain of your soul, that is now begging
to be explored.

So, if you feel lost, awash in the desert of unknown…
If you’re up at night in a panic and your mind is reeling and you feel like you’re falling
through a black hole with nothing to grab on to stop your fall.

This is what you do:

Get quiet.
Take a deep breath.
Listen.

And do what’s true.

It doesn’t have to make sense.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.

Just listen for what’s true for you in this very moment.

And do what’s true.

So many people will bombard you with copyrighted 10 step methods
to more clarity.

But clarity isn’t a 10 step method.

Clarity is born.

From the unknown.
From the silence.
From listening.

From doing what’s true, one step at a time.

When nothing makes sense and you don’t know what to do, simply drop out of your head, drop out of having to know, drop out of needing to figure it out with your mind…

And do what’s true.  In that moment.
In the next.
In the next.

Just do what’s true.

………….

In the comments below, I’d love to know, what’s one thing that is true for you in this moment,  that you are going to do this week?

…………

ps:  learning to listen to what your soul wants you to do isn’t always easy.
When we’ve spent years suppressing our soul’s voice, it can be hard to hear
her/him at first.  If you need help with accessing your own, soul-aligned clarity,
I won’t teach you a 10 step method, but I will show you how to tap into your own
intuition and unlock your own soul’s code, so that you CAN hear your soul giving
you the next steps for YOU.
I’ve just recorded an hour long Seer Transmission for my new InSight™ membership community, on how to navigate the sacred pause, the sacred silence that comes on after we make the decision to be true.  If you’re needing more clarity and want to stop feeling afraid of the sacred pause–you will love this video training.
But you only get access to it as part of your monthly InSight™ membership.
For only $97/month you can join a powerful community of awakening and awakened change-makers like you and get monthly coaching and support.
Click here to find out more & sign up.

 

 

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The Truth About Clarity

Truth about clarity

photo by GeneticBoi

 

Clarity, here we are again.

Just when I think we’ve figured you out.
Just when I think I’ve found a way to make you stay and settle, you are the
wild-haired woman who slips out of my bed and into the evening, naked.
Owned by no one except the underwater stirrings of her soul.

I am angry today.
Because you’ve left me again, sheets still warm as I wake.

I am angry because I can’t make you arrive when I desire you,
force you to stay at my disposal.  Control you.

I can’t put you into a neat little ego box like I want to.  

I can’t make you part of the perfect life plan that I’m supposed to want,
the one that looks great from the outside, the one everyone approves of,
the one everyone wants; the one where I get to be a somebody, everything
is easy and the books are piled perfectly on my coffee table like a cute,
well-branded Instagram image.

The one I’m embarrassed I don’t have, because it means I can’t keep up with
the Joneses, I’m not good enough, I’m too much.  The one I’m ashamed to admit
a small part of me still feels that she has to want.

Clarity, my throat is choked with these hot, orange coals.  

I can’t make you part of the victim story my ego wants to hold on to, the story
that insists I can’t move forward without you.

I want to rage and bellow like Pele devouring the earth.

“How DARE you force me to move on without you?
How dare you leave me when I was just getting my feet back onto firm ground?
Don’t you know I have plans, places to be, people to impress?
How DARE you not be there when I want you?
I NEED you so that I can be a somebody! ”

…………….

As I felt the fire rise up inside of me, I knew what I had to do.

I felt the hot magma of ancient, ancestral, volcanic ego-rage rise up in my belly,
burning up all of my insides.

My ego is dying.  She is not happy about it.

She is a dark queen transformed into a fearsome dragon.  Her stories are falling
apart all around her.  They are her babies that she has nurtured and fed into horrible
gruesome things that cannot support an aligned, prosperous life.  They are withering
under the bright light of my soul’s voice, unleashed.  And I was the one that let it in.
Created my own initiation.

So she fights furiously inside of me until her very last breath, screaming
blood-curdlingly, “this is not fair!  How dare you challenge me? How dare you ask
me to get into alignment?”

Clarity, my ego so desperately wants you.  

She tells herself the story that when you arrive, she will then be able to create
the perfect life she is so attached to making happen.
She tells herself that when you arrive, she will move forward.
Until then, what I know I am called to do must be held back, must be suppressed,
must be held off.

Stay stuck until clarity comes.
Because the unknown is too frightening to step into fully, blind.

Ego wants guarantees.
She thinks clarity can be manipulated to give her a guarantee.

So I chase you, Clarity.
I spend a lot of money and pay experts to tell me where you might be hiding.
I go on spiritual quests, walk deserts without water and look for you under
every rock.  I put my fate in the hands of others who tell me they can give me
the clarity I seek.

But I am still thirsty for you.
And my throat is burned with this anger at you for forcing me to go within and
find you.  Because it seems so much easier to just put my clarity, my answers in
the hands of another.  It feels so much easier to abdicate my personal responsibility
to another.

It feels less frightening to say “I’ll do what I’m really meant to do, I’ll listen to the
voice of my soul…but not until someday, when clarity arrives”.

It feels easier to pretend I’m looking for you by hiring all of these people outside
of me to tell me where you are, Clarity, so that I don’t have to actually face you
and be forced to face the things I know I’ll have to face in order for me to step into
what has always been there for me to do on this planet.

So I take myself on a self-imposed chase, when all along you have
been here, deeply encoded into my soul.

In the swirling embers of my belly, I feel Kali rising now, wearing her face of
fierce compassion, swinging her righteous sword at the multiple heads of my ego.

One by one, the dragon’s heads roll to the ground.
One by one, the stories go up in a pile of smoke.
One by one, the masks I am wearing are incinerated.

Kali’s fierce, blazing eyes of unconditional love pierce into mine.
She opens her swirling mouth of flames and says to me,

Clarity has never left you.
Clarity is not outside of you.
Clarity is your birthright and it lies in YOU.

Be brave.  Look within.  Do the work to access her.
Have the courage to listen to the whisperings of your soul.

Only then will you get the clarity you long for.
Only then will you finally rest within the calling you were meant for
and blaze forward into an aligned, truly prosperous existence.

And when you step into deep internal clarity, the code to your purpose
& prosperity will be unlocked.

This is the work for the truly dedicated.
This is the work for those who want to live their soul’s art.
This is the work for those who want to discover the meaning of true prosperity.
This is the work for those who want to leave a legacy on this earth.
This is the work who want to be aligned and so, truly free.
This is the work for those who are courageous enough to say yes to the
calling of their Soul.

And if that is you, this is your invitation, dear Brilliant soul.

The most beautiful, most financially accessible way to work with me that I
have ever created.  

Because I’m tired of watching you question your own innate brilliance.

Doubt yourself, try to fit yourself into someone else’s mold.

I’m tired of watching you struggle and continue to tell yourself that someone else
has the answers, when the clarity and aligned confidence you seek is right there,
waiting to be accessed in your soul.

Clarity is not elusive.

It does not lie outside of you.  All of the answers you need to know, to all of
the questions, lie inside of you.

You just have to get quiet enough to hear it.
You have to learn the practice of sitting in silence with your soul,
so that the clarity that lies within her can arise.

On one thing I am very clear.

You are who I am called to serve.

And I don’t have all the answers, let me be clear.
I’m not the expert you can use to fool yourself into believing that
the
answers lie outside of you.  I’m not going to hold that
kind of space for you.

I’m going to hold up the mirror for you to continuously look within to
your intuition every time you want to step out of yourself for the answers.

Imagine your life being guided from the deep, soul-aligned clarity
that you’ve
been craving. Always knowing the right steps
for you when you’re faced with
a difficult decision.  

Being able to tell the difference between your soul and your ego.

What would that feel like?

So, love, this program is not about me giving you the answers.

It’s about me guiding you as priestess, as Seer, and holder of the space,
into you finding the clarity that already lies in your soul.

It’s about you living your life (and business) in alignment with
your truth.
It’s about you stepping into true prosperity
in every area of your life.

Imagine right now what your life would feel like if you make every
decision in your life and business from that soul-aligned place.  

Without self-doubt, without fear holding any part of you back.

What would be possible?
Who would you finally be?
What abundance could you draw in towards yourself?

I’ve created a space for you to finally do this beautiful work your soul
has been longing for and craving.

The invitation has arrived my love.

Will you finally take it?

Click here to learn more and accept the invitation.

 

 

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