Me with my first crush… who ALSO didn’t like me back!
Back in my teens and early twenties I had a pattern of falling in infatuation with “unrequited love” kind of people. First, it was the guy who talked to me for hours and poured his heart out to me on the phone once a week… but was dating someone else.
Then there was the scientific genius who had no emotional intelligence. Two years after our short-lived “dating” stint where he unceremoniously dumped me after flirting with a woman in front of me all night at a party, he wrote me to tell me he’d never appreciated me as he should have. Too late, buddy…
I could go on and on… but thankfully, as I got older and expanded my own capacity to receive more of what I wanted in my relationships, I dated people who actually DID love me back.
And I started seeing the PATTERNS left over from my own childhood, that I was just re-living in my love interests and even in my business. For example, in attracting clients that made me chase them or got mad if I didn’t. Draining much?
Just a day after I was reminiscing and feeling grateful that I no longer lived those patterns out in my romantic or professional relationships, I was on the phone with a client who was having a HELL of a time with a nightmare client.
Worst of all, this was her EIGHTH client like this in two years. She was SO FRUSTRATED and said to me “WHY??!!! Why does this kind of person keep showing up in my business? I’m so OVER IT!”
My client was no newbie to herself or to personal development. Yet this archetype of the “difficult to work with, highly reactive” client STILL kept showing up for her. And while it was just a small percentage of her clientele, you KNOW how draining and upsetting these kinds of clients can be and how they can overshadow all the other good clients you have.
I had a hunch, so we spent the next hour going through ALL of her website copy, her bio, interviews she had done and any place where she has marketing materials online. We went through it with a fine-toothed comb!
And that’s when I saw what was happening…
Everywhere in her marketing copy, in her website bio, and in her interviews, I could see how she was literally INVITING in these kinds of people — both energetically and verbally.
Her own childhood pattern with her combative father was showing up in these nightmare clients.
Because she’d built her nervous system around this dynamic as a child, her nervous system still “reached” for these kinds of dynamics. So, it was showing up in her energy when she was engaging in client-attracting activities and marketing. This was all totally unbeknownst to her.
We spent the next few sessions working on her Boundary Capacity. Because, yes, this kind of thing is ALL about your Boundary Capacity.
The unconscious patterns that show up for you in difficult clients, friends, partners, business colleagues and situations can greatly hold back your earning and your fulfillment with what you do.
And they can cause you to not set energetic boundaries that communicate to all who interact with you what you are and aren’t available for.
If we don’t work on our Boundary Capacity and learn where we’re unconsciously communicating a “welcome” to people we don’t want to attract in our work… that’s where these nightmare clients slip in.
In the case of my client, not only had she lost money and time battling with these kinds of clients, but they were also sucking the life out of her and making her lose any joy for what she did. She just wanted some peace and to enjoy ALL of her clients.
A few months after we did that Boundary Capacity work, she texted me to tell me she had a full roster of clients that she was enjoying SO much. She’d made $10,000 extra every month when she had released the weight of these nightmare clients.
And she hardly ever got anyone like that even trying to work with her. Because her energy AND all of her marketing materials were communicating her energetic boundaries VERY clearly. So it automatically repelled the wrong clients for her.
That’s the power of working on your Boundary Capacity and that is why it’s not about your strategy, but rather, your capacity. Strategists don’t do that kind of work with you.
Now, you may not have “nightmare clients,” but you might be hearing, “I can’t afford it” a lot. Or “maybe later.” Or you might have clients who ghost you or don’t want to do the work. You might have a boss who always fights your suggestions. Or who can’t seem to ever find you “good enough” to give you a raise.
The solution to these problems is almost always in what our Boundary Capacity is subconsciously communicating.
Do you truly know what your Boundary Capacity is communicating?
If not, you’ll definitely want to come to the NEW virtual Boundary Capacity retreat.
One of our dates has already closed for enrollment and we’ve got only two dates left. Spots are filling as I type this.
Your Boundary Capacity is crucial to the short AND long term success of your business or career. I wouldn’t be offering a virtual retreat on it if it wasn’t.
Plus, I’ve got some amazing things planned for this retreat that are different than the last two, including an opportunity to practice setting boundaries LIVE with me.
As always, I keep these virtual retreats small, in order to have plenty of coaching time with each person attending. Only 8 spots per retreat are open.
In love & capacity,