Me and clients at a mastermind retreat in my home.
Have I ever told you about the time a random friend of my mom’s took me aside at a holiday party and ended up becoming one of my craziest boundary stories?
Though I had no real relationship with her, she decided it was perfectly fine to drunkenly lecture me (without my consent) about how my “uterus would shrivel up” and I’d become just like her friend who is a “bitter businesswoman who lives in remorse over not having kids.”
I call her the “egg-freezing boundary-pusher” when I laughingly tell that story. Don’t worry, I set a MAJOR boundary with her that night and let her know what’s what. But let me tell ya, it caused a BIG kerfuffle.
Lots of people in my family told me I was “being too harsh” for setting the boundary. Also, there’s this thing in my Latin American culture around “not correcting your elders” which added to them being horrified over me putting my foot down.
Luckily, I had enough Boundary Capacity™ to know they were wrong. I didn’t allow my family members with archaic beliefs to push me around or silence me. And she never tried to tell me what to do with my uterus or vagina ever again! (Side note: never tell women what to do with their privates, it’ll never go well for you.)
The holidays are coming up for many of us and this usually means navigating a TON of boundary-pushers and slipperiness – whether it be family, friends, bosses, clients who don’t respect your vacation time or team members who don’t hold down the fort properly while you’re trying to get some chill time.
This is the time of the year when you MOST need to hold your boundaries and be crystal clear on what you will and won’t be available for anymore.
Because this is also the time of the year when you’re setting your goals not just to finish this year strong, but to also set up your next year as your best year yet. And not having the proper Boundary Capacity™ is the thing I see sabotage so many women’s plans, no matter what income level you’re at.
When someone infiltrates our boundaries it can throw us off our momentum, leave us feeling foggy-headed and emotionally confused. It can distract us, too, as we are left reeling with a sense of anger or frustration over the boundary being crossed. Then we start to doubt ourselves and don’t set the boundaries we need in order to succeed. Or we set weak boundaries and lose steam.
There’s also the fact that women traditionally feel more afraid of setting necessary boundaries because, well… it didn’t go so well for us in the time of our ancestors. It is in our DNA to be afraid of upsetting people because, in the past (and still sometimes in the present), it meant we’d get killed or be in danger.
That means on a DNA level AND a social level, it’s HARDER for women to set boundaries.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, as we evolve and move to our next levels of success and impact, our boundaries need to grow with us. Yet most women I speak with are using last year’s boundaries for next year’s big goals. Then they wonder why things didn’t go how they wanted them to or why it was ten times harder than they predicted.
SELF-ASSESSMENT TIME: Can you honestly say you currently have the boundaries you need for the next level version of you and your work? ANSWER HONESTLY. Most women answer “no” to that question, no matter where they are in their careers or businesses.
In the last few months, we’ve talked about Visibility Capacity™ and Money Capacity™… now, as the holidays and the new year approach, we’re going to talk about Boundary Capacity™.
Because there’s one thing we all miss about boundaries… it’s not just about setting up walls. In fact, GOOD boundaries are about way more.
Your Boundary Capacity™ is your ability to not only guard your time and energy but to make specific, clear and easily granted requests from the Universe.
When it’s out of alignment it shows up as you sending out murky energy which cuts off your manifestation ability, engaging in drama spirals and setting over-reactive, rigid boundaries or failing to set boundaries at all.
I’ve seen poor Boundary Capacity destroy perfectly working businesses, successful careers and lead to burnout, adrenal fatigue, and even divorce!
In a few days I’ll be back to talk with you more about expanding your Boundary Capacity, so stay tuned for an enlightening next few weeks that’ll have you ready to say ‘NO’ easefully to what is not aligned and ‘YES’ to what you DO want.
UPDATE: The Boundary Capacity Retreat is OPEN!
In love & capacity,
PS: Yes, this means our next virtual retreat is ALL about Boundary Capacity™. If you already know you want in, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org and say “ME!!!” I’ll have my team send you a link to sign up before anyone else. Our last SIX virtual retreats have completely sold out, so you’ll get the advantage if you hit ‘reply’ now.