You’ve heard me talk about how Visibility Capacity is your ability to allow all of you to be fully seen in your life and work. But what happens when expanding your Visibility Capacity means you share less because you’re becoming more healthily selective?

Is this a Visibility Capacity deficit? Or expansion? Depends on who you ask…

Last week we started a conversation about how unlocking your own Capacity Code™ makes it possible for you to hold, handle and receive your next level. Today, I’m sharing one of the biggest Visibility Capacity shifts I had in the last few years. And this one was unexpected.

When sharing less is more…

One thing you’ll always hear me say is your Capacity Code is completely unique to you. 

Expanding Visibility Capacity can look like sharing more imperfectly with others. For someone else, Visibility Capacity can look like learning to be more selective in their sharing or cleaning up their message/branding so it’s more cohesive.

WARNING: don’t assume you know what your Visibility Capacity deficit is as you read this. Because 99% of people I work with misdiagnose their Visibility Capacity issues. 

I recently worked with someone who insisted she wasn’t cut out for 1:1 coaching and her “zone of genius” was working with groups. When we dug deeper, she was just afraid of the vulnerability. It was easier for her to hide in groups. She’s now become a gifted, highly paid and sought-after 1:1 coach. Can you imagine if she still thought she wasn’t cut out for 1:1 work?

Sometimes you can justify the ways you hide by insisting you’re “being selective”, when you need to be LESS selective. On the other side of this coin, oversharing can also be a form of hiding, because you’re already comfortable sharing this aspect of you. Oversharing the one side of you hides the other side of you which most needs to be seen.

I’ve been writing online for almost 11 years and reached thousands of people and many of my posts have gone viral. Along with those vulnerable and raw posts came lots of unsolicited advice. I even had a woman I’d never met stalk me down at a conference and confront me after I posted my location. 

I’ve built capacity, so mean comments and non-consensual advice from people I don’t know doesn’t affect me. But people do weird things with information you share. Including friends who are “harborers”. Jeff Brown coined this phrase to describe people who are your “friends” but secretly harbor resentment or jealousy towards your successes. And they play games with this information because of their own fears and capacity issues. 

As I focused more and more on growing my own Visibility Capacity, I just didn’t have the energy to give ANY attention to those games. So I became more selective about what I shared. 

Not everyone wishes you well or is sending you good energy when you’re writing. Not everyone deserves to know what you’re up to. I decided I was going to keep some of my successes to a select group of people. The difference to my energy levels has been ASTOUNDINGLY positive.

Are you fully aware of how subtly affected you are by the little energetic stabs sent your way when you share wins with harborers? And do you truly understand how this is constantly draining you and keeping you from showing up where it MOST matters? I would love for you to ask yourself this question today. It’s a very important one. Often, we aren’t aware of how these little tiny cuts turn into a much bigger problem.

This is partly a Boundary Capacity issue, where you learn to set aligned energetic boundaries so you share without hiding. You can’t just hide because you’re afraid of people’s opinions –that’s not Capacity. 

But if your Visibility Capacity lesson is learning how to be more selective with your sharing, you don’t “have” to share the sacred things in your life with the world. I chose not to share I was in Forbes this year with many members of my family. I know not all of them wish me well. I’ve become much more private over the years, not out of fear, but out of smart energy management. 

The other thing I noticed as I expanded my Visibility Capacity my brand was confusing. I’d write about so many different things. And I’m a damn good writer. So, I had many followers who were a) never going to buy anything from me and b) just there to read pretty words. They didn’t even buy my book of transformational poetry when it came out. 

But I’m not here to just write pretty words. I’m here to run a business. Impactful businesses require a growing customer base of people who consistently buy what you’re offering and a clear message many people can understand. If I was going to expand into the multi-million dollar company I envisioned, I had to change how I was sharing. 

I reined in my message, and pushed Capacity to the forefront. LOTS of people who were only here for the pretty words unsubscribed. But in their place, many people who are serious about doing Capacity Work and investing in themselves showed up. 

I rarely get a nasty email anymore. I now never have to do free, draining emotional labor for a person who isn’t ever going to invest in our programs, but still wants to fight with me online about something I wrote or start drama. Because the right, curated group of people are drawn to my message’s clarity and get it. 

And I’m getting to impact more people than ever with a message that contributes something to the world.

In my next post, I’ll share with you how my Purpose Capacity grew in the last few years. I had to do some pretty intense ego clearing for this one.

Realizing you’ve got some Visibility Capacity work to do? I love helping people clear up their messaging in a way aligned with what most needs to be seen in them. And figure out the communication and visibility strategy most aligned with where their capacity needs to grow.

One of the ways I do this is in my Capacity VIP Days! And I only have one left for the rest of the year. We’ll spend three hours intensely working on your Visibility Capacity (or any other capacity), you’ll get a form to assess your capacity issue and get clear on what we’ll discuss on the day and then you get two, private 30 minute sessions in the weeks after for integration.

VIP days are $5000 (or two payments of $2700). You can apply for the last one of 2020 by filling out the Capacity Discovery form here.