Last year, just a few short months into pandemic lockdown, I received some amazing news: I was going to be featured in Forbes!
This feature was a huge win for me for a few reasons. One, I’m passionate about helping people get over their fear of visibility through Capacity Work™. Two, I’ve dreamt of being in Forbes for several years. Three, it was perfect timing to help people who needed more capacity to navigate this new, unknown world and come out thriving.
I read the “you’re going to be featured” email and did a little dance while my dogs, Sadie and Luna, stared up at me in deep confusion.
When the article dropped, I felt like what I imagine Beyonce must feel like when she drops an album—completely elated.
And at the same time, another feeling bubbled up inside. On the surface, something seems to go against the grain of what I was sharing in the actual Forbes article.
Mixed with my excitement was a deep-seated need to keep this amazing news from certain people.
Yes, yes, I know. The article is called ‘4 Reasons You’re Afraid to Be the Face of your Brand’ —and here I was, stopping certain people from seeing it. Namely, certain members of my family.
As I crafted my Facebook post to share the article, I spent the time meticulously combing through my friend’s list so I could put Facebook’s “show this post to everyone except _____” feature to good use.
Besides two people, I hid the article from my other family members. While many people rejoice and share their wins freely with their families, I didn’t.
And this was a good thing.
Growing up, I had people around me who secretly resented my accomplishments—and many of them were in my own family.
As a child, I had unknowingly created “energetic agreements” with certain family members I wasn’t “ever allowed to surpass them.” Maybe you can relate.
For example, let’s say you grew up with a highly competitive sibling. They landed on the Dean’s list, and even though you had the capacity to land on the Dean’s list, too—there was an unspoken agreement in your dynamic you weren’t the “smart one” in the family. It’s not your role. So you skipped a few questions on the test or put off studying for partying because you wanted to honor the “agreement.”
Or, let’s say you are a tennis player and your mother is a formerly ranked player-turned-coach. Even though you’re quite talented at the sport, there might be an unspoken agreement mom is the tennis star of the family, so to uphold this agreement—you’re missing balls and throwing matches.
So here I was, the newly-minted subject of a Forbes article, and I needed to use my capacity skills seriously.
Because these unspoken, energetic agreements with certain people in your life have everything to do with Capacity. Particularly, Embodiment (Emotional) and Boundary Capacity™.
As I stared down at my Forbes article, I realized this represented a point where I would surpass certain people in my life in the area of visibility.
Many years ago, when faced with similar circumstances, I would find myself unconsciously self-sabotaging. Like if I was about to make more money than someone I had this unspoken, energetic agreement with, I would suddenly fumble my launch, or lower my prices, or welcome in nightmare clients who would push every boundary.
Now I know to use my capacity skills to seriously break those agreements, I have to be extremely selective about who I share those accomplishments. Because if I do share them, I’ll be giving them the power of knowledge and ability to try to execute our “agreement.”
Am I “not trusting myself enough” or “operating out of fear?”
Not at all.
It’s about having good Embodiment and Boundary Capacity.
When dealing with Embodiment and Boundary Capacity, you are making specific requests to the universe about what you are and aren’t available for.
By not sharing my article with certain family members, I’m letting the universe know I am not available for their opinion, feedback, or judgment. That “agreement” is null and void.
You might be thinking: but can’t some people change? Of course! But it’s nuanced.
Not everyone is willing to see how they’re unsupportive. And not everyone has the capacity to support you.
Part of capacity work™ understands the capacity of other people in your life and being very selective about sharing your wins and goals with these people.
To this day, whenever I’m getting to know someone, if they begin to put up red flags – like making passive-aggressive comments about my income or visibility – I don’t put any more energy into the relationship. When someone is threatened or triggered by your success, they cannot be an important part of your life. Pay attention to this. If your dream is to get into Forbes or any other visibility opportunity, you must have the capacity to do so. And it means you have to be meticulous about who you allow into your sphere of influence.
Many of my clients in the Capacity Shift program will join, feeling drained by their “business model” — but later realize they have dozens of people in their sphere sucking them dry and holding them down with all sorts of little unconscious, unspoken energetic “agreements” to stay small.
Do you know how much energy it takes you on a subconscious level to manage all those little agreements day by day? TONS. It leaves you tired, foggy-headed, plateauing, and unclear.
Imagine what you might accomplish if you redirected all the wasted energy spent battling unconscious agreements with naysayers towards something you’re passionate about.
When my Forbes article came out, I decided exactly who I would share the info with. A select few close friends and only two members of my family made it. People I know would be genuinely thrilled and text back zero passive-aggressive or jealous comments in return.
You may not realize it, but all those little “paper cuts” of weird little comments you get from people in your life add up to a huge amount of energy drainage. There’s a reason why the phrase “death by papercut” exists.
Because I am always working on my Embodiment and Boundary Capacity, I was bombarded with love and support — and it has nourished and fueled me to go further and keep reaching higher. I was recently published in Forbes again.
When you have great news to share, it’s okay to keep some cards close to your chest, not out of fear or hiding your magnificence – but instead out of discernment because you have strong Embodiment and Boundary Capacity.
Don’t give your precious jewels to people who won’t appreciate them drain your energy.