I built it, now I hate it


lisa fabrega


You know what really gets me riled up? Hearing this: “So-and-so expert told me I should pick this as my focus, because it’s a topic that’s a known “money-maker.”

Whenever I hear this, there’s someone on the other end of the line seeking my help. And it’s usually one of two scenarios:

1) They’ve dedicated months or years of their life, blood, sweat, tears and lots of money building a business or project based off what some “expert” told them to do. It did do well, but now they’re burned out, hate it, want to get rid of it or shut it down completely because of how soul-sucking it is. 

2) They’ve switched their career or business focus a million times because every time they work with a new expert, they get told to focus on something else. These clients usually are about to throw in the towel completely because they haven’t been able to succeed with the “niche” the expert told them to focus on. Now they feel they “must not have what it takes.”

So many experts will give you often well-meaning, but terrible advice that doesn’t align with your purpose. You’d be STUNNED to find out how FEW experts actually take a beat with clients like this and ask a simple question.

It’s a question that if asked, would turn EVERYTHING around…

“What do YOU feel called to focus on? And if you aren’t clear on that, let’s get you clear BEFORE you go and build a whole thing out of it.”

This is the problem with signing up for business-building group programs that have very strict frameworks and short time frames to complete the work. These programs work well if you’re already very clear on your purpose and ready to take quick, focused action. But if you aren’t totally clear, they leave little room for nuances that need deeper support. 

Or sometimes you get a coach who is so entrenched in “my way is the only way”, they completely steamroll over what you want and you end up creating something not aligned that ultimately makes you miserable.

A few years ago, someone hired me as her “last resort”. She’d spent $50,000 on business building group programs. The experts in these strictly-structured programs had little time to notice she wasn’t actually fully clear on her purpose and strengths yet–something REALLY important to know before you “pick a niche” to build an entire business upon. 

If they didn’t have time to help her get that clarity first, they should NOT have allowed her into the program and instead directed her to someone who’d help her get clarity first. But they didn’t. I suspect they didn’t have the capacity to notice such nuances and figured it would “work itself out” in the program. Or sadly, they didn’t care and just wanted to meet their enrollment goals.

Some of the programs she signed up for promised clarity on her niche. Sounds good right? Except there was one big problem I see in tons of these types of programs.

Once in the program, there was ONE week dedicated to this. But the exercises were superficial at best and one week was not enough time for her to get clarity. And the tight timeline combined with the large volume of people in the group program made it so she didn’t have the space and time she needed to get crystal clear. 

That’s why in programs like these, with SO many people in them, instructors often default to “pick a niche in the love, sex or money category cause that always makes money!”. It’s a “one-size-fits-all” approach. But we all know one size clothes are never that flattering on anyone. There’s no room for nuances or any level of customization.

My client did what she was told while in all these programs. She started a financial coaching business. Six months later she had ZERO clients. Then she started a sex coaching business at the behest of another expert. Even opened up a Facebook group because they recommended this to get “a steady stream of clients”. You know what happened?

All she ended up with was a Facebook group full of people who couldn’t afford her services, wanted everything for free and STILL she didn’t have a single client. She wasn’t even showing up fully for her marketing efforts or in that Facebook group because she didn’t really LIKE what she’d been told to “focus on” as her “niche” by experts who never once stopped to help her get clear on what her TRUE purpose was. Is it any wonder she didn’t have clients or couldn’t make money at it?

Then there was my client Dana, who’d already had an illustrious career before she sought my help. Accolades, awards and titles galore. But when Dana came to me, she was considering quitting being a business owner altogether. She was depressed, confused and felt completely unmotivated. She told me she didn’t know what her purpose was anymore.

When we dug deeper we found the source of the problem…

She’d allowed a business coach to completely steamroll over her will and been somehow convinced to start a “weight loss” business, which was literally diametrically opposed  to all of her beliefs about body positivity. 

If your inside isn’t matching your outside, you have a Purpose Capacity™ issue. And when you have a purpose capacity issue, you feel foggy-headed, confused, like you’re listlessly wandering around throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks and like you have NO idea how to create systems that can create and replicate success. 

You may not know what you do, who you help or even how to describe what you do. And people may have a hard time doing the same thing when describing what you do. You may feel like you used to be so on purpose but something happened and you don’t know who you are anymore.

You might resent the career or the business you built and want to sell it or shut it down. You feel trapped in a cage of your success and you hate what has made you successful.

Why have you allowed other people to steamroll over your own will and tell you what to do, even when it’s not aligned with your purpose or values? 

Why have you allowed your inability to become a “cookie cutter” version of success from someone’s generic group program make you feel like you “don’t have what it takes?”

Because you have a Purpose Capacity deficit. If things haven’t been working for you, or you’re feeling any of the ways I’ve mentioned, there’s nothing wrong with you, and yes, you DO have what it takes.

It’s just that no one has taken the time to help you work on your CAPACITY deficit first, before throwing a bazillion strategies and action plans at you. Those are great, but if you don’t have clarity on your Purpose Capacity first…they’ll lead you down the wrong path, or worse, off a cliff, metaphorically speaking.

Ps: we are working on Purpose Capacity and any other capacity that’s causing you to feel stuck this month in Capacity Shift™. If you’re ready to solve the real root of the issue so you can feel clear again, with renewed motivation for growth, learn more and enroll here.